Aibu to think my baby wont be at risk if harm on Christmas day??

[jigsawlady]

My pfb will be 12 weeks old by xmas. Me and my partner alternate years with our parents and this year is my mum n dads turn. its been no big deal at all and until today everyone has been happy with this scenario.

Due to having a very big family theres likely to be 15 ppl at my parents, there will be a few aunties and older cousins who adore dd and will no doubt want cuddles and will shower her with love n gifts like they have since we've had her. Dp has now said that he doesnt want us to go and thinks its cruel to expose dd to that many people as she might catch something. Hes really going down the route of he only wants whats best for her. Ive suggested we take hert and ask people not to handle her too much but he thinks this would be awkward. He's not suggesting we go to his parents but that we visit both for about 30 mins then have xmas at home.

I really dont want to go to the effort of cooking us a special dinner with a small baby but also think it would be sad to sit at home and not celebrate xmas properly (im used to big family xmas lunches)

Am I being unreasonable and not putting dd first??? Or is dp being over cautious?

How do I tell my mum we're not coming or how do i persuade dp that she'll be fine???

Fyi - I cant really tell my mum to uninvite aunties, cousins etc and just have an immediate family dinner as it's likely to be my nans last xmas so everyone wants to apend it to her and the only way this can happen is 1 big get together.

Dp is being overcautious. But perhaps he was looking forward to having Christmas at home with just the 3 of you?

YANBU, It's your mum and dads turn. Your DH is BU as its not his families turn. Do you think this is just an excuse for PFB to spend their first Christmas with his family?

I agree that dp is being overcautious. If anyone had a cold etc they just don't hold her. Easy. And even if dd does catch a cold it doesn't really matter!

He's being over cautious. Or is he looking for an excuse not to go?

Tell your dp that you could never go out and never see anyone and your dd could still get sick. Dd was admitted to hospital three times in the first three months having pretty much seen no one. Aside from immediate family.

Go, show her off and let people coo. Unless they are really ill they are unlikely to introduce anything that you won't catch taking her to tesco. It's sweet he cares but you can't keep them isolated :)

I think that massive family gatherings are often exhausting and rather less fun for the 'married in' spouse. Might your husband want to stop alternating years and start having your own family Christmas? I am fond of my ILs, but there are three squill ion of them, and the idea if spending Christmas Day wit them with a very small baby would have made me want to die...

Put your Mum in charge of keeping other guests hands off baby. She can tell them in advance that you are precious about germs etc( I dont think this but it helps your cause if they do) .

It would be sad for you to sit in the house all alone while you know there is a lovely family party going on so you must try to convince you DH that Christmas is all about families and as your DD is the newest member of this one she needs to be part of the celebration.

The only place I will go on Christmas is work < I have to no choice>

I like the DC to be able to stay home and open and play with their new toys.

Your DP is being over cautions though.

If the baby had been a few days old I could understand but at 3 months I think he is being overcautious. I think it will be lovely for all the family to be together, and probably especially nice for your Nan.

Is it just that he wants a small just the three of you Christmas?

He. nbu if that is the case. A 12wo and family occasions can be overwhelming.

You said if you went with his idea you didn't fancy cooking. Well don't. Tell him you will consider his idea ( if you think it might be nice to indulge him in a just the three of you Xmas) BUT he must shop and cook and clear up. Because you will not be lifting a finger. And hold him to it. Even if he has to buy m&s ready meals.

Has he had pressure from his own parents re not being able to see their gc on her first Christmas? Maybe he feels guilty and thinks you should share dd around a bit. Maybe he would actually like to see his family on what us a special day for him.

IME any plans that have been set in previous years tend to fall by the wayside once you are a new family with your own child. Maybe it's time to actually re evaluate the whole plan.

Your dp is being pfb and unreasonable. I've done a Christmas at families with a 4 week old then another with a 9 week old and both were fine. To be honest with you your dd would get no more passing around and cuddling if your are there 30 mins or all day if anything you can control timing it better to suit your daughter if you are there all day ie if she is sleepy when you get there you can ask them to wait if you're only there 30 mins you can't.

It is interesting that his suggestion includes visiting his parents too so even more people to want cuddles.

Im not sure re going to his parents, his says if we didnt go my mums we'd just nip into his for 30 mins so as not to be unfair to mine (both sets of gp only live 15 mins away so its not a lot of effort) but their nice people and good gp and I'd feel awkward telling them we dont have any other plans but dont want to spend much time there.

I dont know whether he has plans for a small family xmas but hes never made any indication that this is what he's been thinking before.

He's being ridiculous. Keeping her away from her grandparents house at three months old, just because she might catch a cold? It doesn't make sense.

People don't really love other people babies as much as their own, I'm all for a new baby cuddle, but no longer than 5 mns max and then you can have him/her back thanks very much!

You'll be glad of an extra pair hands whilst you eat drink etc! Your DH needs to chill.

I'd tell him that there is no risk to dd and he's fussing over nothing. Besides any germs your dd will pick up from spending the day with your family will also be picked up from spending 30 mins with them all (plus all of his family so that plan is double the germ risk!!) Ask him if the real reason is that he would prefer to spend the day at home just the 3 of you? If so you are happy to do that from next year onwards but this year is already planned and as it is likely your Nan's last Christmas you can't miss it

HIBU. DD was 4 weeks early and is small. I'm taking her to DSis's 40th at 11 weeks, to be passed around 16 relatives and examined by sticky little cousins. There are 4 GPs in the immediate family and none of them have suggested that we shouldn't be there. If she gets overwhelmed I'll BF or sling her.

He's overthinking it. There's no way I'd miss a lovely big family christmas for fear of germs!

Assuming she's healthy she's being ridiculous! She'll have had at least one lot of vaccinations by then. She will be fine.

He's overthinking and bring very over cautious. She's 7 weeks now? She'll feel more robust by 12 weeks, as mad as this sounds, and he will hopefully have relaxed.

We would usually see both one just for a flying visit and the other for dinner and all afternoon, after being pregnant for what felt like forever I had a deal with him that at xmas I would have a few drinks and he would be designated driver and carer, im a bit sad that I wont be able to chill out and have a few drinks with my family. But I can understand its no fun for him to spend all day looking after dd when im having fun. My family can be a bit loud and full on, he insists he likes them though.

I agree with your DP actually - not about the catching something, you just can't really help that, unless of course someone has flu or something, but just in case then its just life. But i do think it would be shit for her to be the pass the baby parcel between the over zealous aunts. I would say this to your parents, say you are happy to come for a smaller affair but for the big shindig it will be too much and maybe you could pop in later on or earlier in the day before it all goes mad the aunties hit the sherry

you don't have to cook a massive xmas dinner either, its just a roast dinner - buy a turkey crown or three bird roast, relax and enjoy - then pop round to parents later on and have a few drinks. Perfick

Of the 15 people how many will want to play 'pass the parcel' ? Probably about 4. Your DP is being absurdly precious

Just shorten the long afternoon. You can have dinner and drinks. Take some hand sanitizer for people to use. His plan may be well intentioned but isn't fair. Your dd will most likely be having nap there as well, so can have break from overstimulation then.

I think staying at your parents for 3 hours is reasonable. Then go home and he can cater for the evening christmas with your little family :)

You say it is likely to be your Nan's last Christmas? Go to your parents.