To not work full time?

[notnagging]

If I did we would be approx £300 a month better off after childcare. But I really don't want to! Dh thinks I'm being unreasonable ( not in a ltb way) I just don't think money is as important as my sanity or spending time with my kids. The youngest is 15mths and I have 4 more in school. I was off for a year with my youngest and reduced from 3 1/2 to 3 days, plus I get 12 weeks holiday because I work in a school.even when youngest starts school i still don't want to be full time. Dh works weekends and a day off in the work is actually saving my sanity! But on the flip side we can't afford luxuries, live quite frugally & drive old bangers. Dh says if I do increase my hours we can afford to live better. What do you think?

I do have a separate account. When I had ds1 I was in my final year of uni. It was a struggle but much easier to just take care of 1. My mum & sister helped a lot but now my mum has moved abroad & my sister lives 50 miles away. We have more bills due to a bigger house, more childcare costs & less handouts from the state. I think it's fair if I compromise and increase a little bit. As I said we would be earning the same. If he wants more he will have to try and get a better paid job. That makes more sense as it won't impact on childcare like changing my hours will.

You've compromised, is he going to start doing more around the house? You'll have 2.5 days off and he'll have 2 (I assume?) that means you shouldn't be doing all of it.

Oh, you're doing 3.5, sorry! So you'll have 3.5 days off. great maths there...

Its up to you. We are planning on 4 kids and we will both be working full time. Only you know what the pair of you can cope with.

notnagging I work in a school for teens with BESD. It's hardcore...the noise, the constantly watching, reading situations, managing and modelling behaviour, break supervision, lunchtimes etc...(I love it!) I work 3 days per week and only have 3 kids...any more days than that would kill me!!
AND you have 5 kids too....nuff respect from me!

Its about balance...you are aware of how you feel, and you know how your dh thinks. It's not about being female or male, its about knowing your limits I think.

3 1/2 days sound like a good compromise.

Good luck!

If he wants you to work more hours then he definitely needs to be willing to take on more of the housework/childcare. If he won't then I can see why you would be reluctant to take on more hours. There is only so much you can fit into a day!

The more I read the more I admire you op. Yyou are amazing. I a work part time with 3dc and I am knackered. Dh does diy but not much else at home.

YANBU, he sounds selfish. What about the children, are they not a priority?

Scottish, why do you always allude to the notion that women who are SAHMs are somehow a bit dim. So dim in fact that they are unwittingly living up to the stereotype of the 'kept' little lady, fulfilled by the drudgery and monotony of their sad little SAH existence? Kill the stereotypes and use your imagination- realise that some people just do it 'differently' to you, they 'enjoy' that role, see it as a role and are intelligent enough to realise the advantages and disadvantages!

Good for you that you work FT, have no interest in doing anything other than that and never have done but that's your choice. You always sneeringly deploy your 'precious moments mummies' phrase which actually feeds the sexist notion of a woman needing to seek approval or justify her choices as she is not intelligent enough to make a decision about what she does with her life.

I earned more than my DP when I became a SAHP and it was really important to us that someone was a SAHP when DS was 12 months old. I was on FT pay for 6 months of the maternity leave, so I actually had a greater monthly salary during the first 6 months of ML. However, DP was qualifying to be an Architect and given those circumstances and him not being as keen, it was logical for me to be a SAHP. Yes you've heard right he wanted me to do the SAH bit and I wanted to do it!

I think you are better placed than DH to make this decision since it's more your work/life balance than his. As long as you take the financial aspects into account, which I'm sure you do.
Sounds like you're happy with things more or less as they are, with the possibility of some tinkering around the edges.
Don't rock a boat that's chartering a steady course!

Split it down. £300 per month is under £15 per day for a 5 day week. Is there anything you could cut down on, I.e house, car insurance, gas, electric bills. Have you been through the comparison websites. Planning meals and making lists before you go shopping. Packed lunches etc. Dh took over paying bills after I had ds2. For 2 years he looked after the finances. I took over them when I had recovered and over a period of 6 weeks managed to save £1200 per month. Even called mortgage company who switched products saving £50 per month.

Sorry posted too early. Would like to say there is money is nothing compared to having your sanity.

Haven't read the whole thread, but just wanted to say that I totally agree with you OP. I would much rather have a good life balance and spend time with my children than having more money.

OP, I don't actually think this is about working or not working as such.

I think this is about your DH not doing his fair share of domestic duties. If he were doing his fair share, then increasing your hours might look like the sensible, fair and conducive thing to do.

However, as things currently stand, it can't work, can it?