To not work full time?

[notnagging]

If I did we would be approx £300 a month better off after childcare. But I really don't want to! Dh thinks I'm being unreasonable ( not in a ltb way) I just don't think money is as important as my sanity or spending time with my kids. The youngest is 15mths and I have 4 more in school. I was off for a year with my youngest and reduced from 3 1/2 to 3 days, plus I get 12 weeks holiday because I work in a school.even when youngest starts school i still don't want to be full time. Dh works weekends and a day off in the work is actually saving my sanity! But on the flip side we can't afford luxuries, live quite frugally & drive old bangers. Dh says if I do increase my hours we can afford to live better. What do you think?

If a woman posted on mn she worked ft,was stressed and her dp declined to work ft too
It would be firmly met with derision and instruction that the pt step up to it
You being female,and him male I imagine you'll get some fluffy advice about precious moments

Well I have 3 dc and work part time. Dh works full time. If I worked full time some jobs just wouldn't get done. With 5 dc I can see having 2 full time working parents could be tough. So assuming op does greater proportion of housework and childcare etc she inbu.

None of us can tell you what you should do because that's between you and your DH. But it sounds as though he's not happy with the status quo so you owe it to eachother to have an honest discussion. Maybe it would work better for him to do a bit less and you to do a bit more so that overall you each have a better balance?

Also, think really carefully about your long term financial planning. You say you don't think you'll want to work full time even with all your children at school. Have you thought about what that will do to your pension? I'm just saying that because I dropped to 3 days a week for just 5 years which is a relatively short phase out of a working life, and it's knocked my pension down a fair bit. I'm extremely glad I stepped up to full time as soon as ds started school.

Worth thinking about all these things, and definitely talk it all through with your DH because running a household is a joint responsibility- all aspects of it

Why is it suggested the household tasks,admin be female task instead of getting a job
What volume of tasks is there that two can't share?pay bills etc by debit,share chores
It's v stereotypical to accept man does his tin in working,women gets to run home

5 children. Well, for what it's worth, even working part time (as I do) would still leave you with no 'down time'. Working 4 or 5 days would leave you feeling exhausted. I'd inderstand if you chose not to.

So it's ok for a man to be knackered working ft,but no a woman?why
Why does she need downtime but the man doesn't?is female constitution weaker
So some of you think it's ok for male to solely bear the financial responsibility,even if it's stressful

Down time? How much down time does the bloke get?

In our family, finally we both get a bit at weekends. When the DC were little, neither of us did. I disagree with this idea that women need more downtime than men, and that men don't deserve the same work life balance as women.

You would not be unreasonable if you didn't get the twelve weeks of but because you do I think you are being a bit unreasonable.

I bet he does get downtime too. Downtime should be equal.

Christ alive no wonder sexism rampant when it's suggested it That women need downtime
It implies Demands of working clearly too much for weaker sex,is that downtime
The tasks of parenting and home can be shared equitably and both the adults feel supported

You should do whatever you feel happiest doing. Children only grow up once, and I often feel guilty working full time.

Is it ok for a man to work ft?is his time with the kids less precious

I have 5 DC and am a SAHM. DH works f\t 39 hrs a week but very odd shifts which change constantly and occasionally works away. It's just easier with me at home especially how DH doesn't need to worry if kids are ill or he has to stay late etc. I manage without a car though to save costs.

My youngest DC has just started school. There are so many school events as well and we want at least one of us to be able to attend. I study 16 hrs a week and already struggle fitting it all in. I wouldn't go back to my old job as it wouldn't work us both doing shifts. I definitely think teenagers need you around more also.

I would def stay part time if you do more house and organisational stuff. In fact with 5 and a little one I think SAH is a perfectly acceptable option also.

Happymummy I feel quite sorry for your future DIL if she wants to be a SAHM and kids often do opposite to what their parent's want! Your son may decide he wants a SAHP. How would you feel if your son stayed home? I will be happy with my DCs and future ILs whatever choices they make, surely that's right! Were the majority of the Mums in our parents generation lazy?

Op gets twelve weeks holiday,no shift work,no public hols off.its hardly onerous
Plenty so called downtime
If the roles were reversed and female was ft worker under stress the mn massive would be enraged

It depends what you call downtime though - it's not just being at home. If the OP and her DH have plans in place on how everything will get done and they are both sharing the domestic as well as the financial duties, well fair enough. I suspect that the DH will want her to earn money AND do everything she currently does though.

Sad,how the patriarchal man earner,women home stuff is so entrenched for some of you
A modern home doesn't need a person dedicated to completing domestic tasks/running it
It's just an old fashioned enactment of home is womens domain,and men work

I think the reasonable thing is for you both to have a serious budgeting and planning session. Your DH has told you that he's unhappy with the status quo so that needs to be explored in a mature way, with no options off the table.

He's not unreasonable to feel the way he does and neither are you. I do think that it is unreasonable for you to flatly refuse to do any more work.

Why do you assume the OPs husband will expect her to work ft and still do a bigger share of domestic things, Lady?
Many of us choose to partner men who don't assume that household tasks are a woman's domain. We've never had any problem divvying up children and home related stuff equally. This is 2013, not 1913, and many men aren't afraid to cook dinner, stick on the washing and sort out the bills. And besides, housework, shopping and looking after the paperwork is hardly arduous in the way it was 100 years ago. It's not like we're all washing sheets by hand, having to trail around umpteen shops on foot to do the shopping and pay bills by post

op how many days off does dh get? Just the one?! And he works long hours? If yes to these then I think the issue is reducing dh time at work as it seems too much and if he is getting resentful of your part time (plus school holidays off) then something needs to be done.

I think I would prioritise a second day off a week for dh and if that means you going back to work for an extra day then so be it.

I think his discontent with the situation comes from his long hours and little downtime so you need to do something to reduce the stress associated with this.

(I am assuming that dh does an equal share of childcare and housework on his days off. If not then this needs to be renegotiated as well, with 5 children downtime is never going to be free of childcare/chores etc)

my husband works full time as a stay at home dad

So if OP goes back to full time work, she will be at work all week and on her own with 5 DC every weekend? Personally I'd find that hard. And I don't see that one partner's desire for both to work full time automatically trumps the other's desire to spend more time with the children. IMO both are valid choices- for the OP working full time will alter her life to achieve something she doesn't necessarily want- more money. Which might be best for the family, or it might not, looking at the big picture. If OP works full time will her DP be doing half of all the other stuff? How much actual free time do they both have? What will be best for the DCs?

Both dh and I work FT because we both want to work. Even if we broke even, I need that job in my life.

Some don't. However £300 is a decent chunk of.money to bring in. Its only a little less than our mortgage, so would really help.

Even if we saved it all. £3600 over the year. Thats a good amount.

I agree with MrsGarlic. Our house runs better when one of us is at home part-time. In the past, this has been me.

When I work full-time I also spend less time cooking from scratch and hunting for bargains than when I am part-time. A few pizzas and ready meals soon add up...

I think you have to do what feels right to you.

Just to add to me it makes no difference which partner is male/ female- if OP was a bloke I'd think the same.
Also I am not sure that 12 weeks not working but at home with your. 5 children counts as time off - I can't see OP spending that time on the sofa reading Mills and Boon and eating chocolates...

what does your DH do during the week then? Does he only work weekends?

So youre working plus doing household chores plus child related things all week, running the ship so to speak...what is he doing?