To not let my DD go to a 'Pamper' party at the age of 6?

[Twang]

As the title reads...DD had been invited to pamper party for one of her peers which involves make up and hairdoes. She's 6. Call me old fashioned but 6 year olds in make up and coiffured?

The world could be that way if women were less passive about it... But I can see we won't agree

Haven't read the thread, but YANBU. I would not let dd go, and I would (politely) explain my reasons to the other child's parents. Difficult position to be in though.

Disco then we disagree. People do!

My Dd had a pamper party for her 6th birthday - we chose spa pedicures with butterflies painted in their toenails and Disney Singstar. No makeup or hair as I felt they were too young.

What of it?

Absolutely! I think I might be a bit of mild despot in secret....

Pampering to me would a nice warm bath/sauna/swim, massage with aromatherapy oils and lovely food/drink. A pedicure, meaning painted toenails... no. I wouldn't particularly want to give that strange message to my DD, either.

If your DD wants a toenail painting party, why not call it that (or something similarly descriptive), instead of "pampering"?

Oh FFS she'll have fun
As for the very gendered nature of such things, it's sometimes very useful to do something very single sex and do able at home to limit numbers without causing offence.

Also, face painting at children's parties is not called pampering, but putting make up on little girls during a party is. Why?

Because fave painting is about make believe - being a tiger or a butterfly or whatever. Makeup is about being you but "better" - as if you are not good enough.

extra i think you are in danger of making girls feel ashamed of wanting to be 'pampered' or experiment with make up. Therefore taking that choice away from them. I don't think that's a particularly good thing.

It's the fact that it's so gendered that bothers me.

I'll have no problem with my DD exploring all that if she wants to when she's a bit older, but teaching her at 5 that making herself pretty is the ultimate positive experience - i.e. birthday treat - is not productive.

After all, how many "pampering parties" do you think little boys are having? (And don't tell me wanting to beautify yourself is an innately biologically feminine thing, because it isn't!)

extra you're right, boys don't have pampering parties, that I know of anyway (although teen DS is now making up for all this lost years, he's always preening).

But I just think too much of an evangelical approach that girls shouldn't need to wear make up, to appeal to boys/men, is taking away the fact that many just love experimenting and playing around with make up for their own enjoyment.

By being outraged at the thought of pamper parties and then putting that opinion onto the girls themselves, may make them feel it's something they very much need to keep a secret as its getting such a reaction of disapproval, especially if they do enjoy it. It's a pressure coming through from you (ie the disapproving parents) and another thing they need to feel guilt about.

Of course if they don't enjoy it or want to do it anyway, it's not an issue.

"Most 4 or 5 year old girls LOVE this stuff. Absolutely love it. it's about them, not about you and your hangups."

Why do they "LOVE" it?

Serious question, btw. It's not an inherent quality of being human or being female. So why has this emerged as a phenomenon so recently?

I agree with Bowlersarm if you demmonise it then it makes it such a taboo subject that girls might feel they are letting their mothers down by loving a bit of glitter and nail polish , and also by not letting girls go to a friends girlY party IMO we are sending out a message to them that their friends are silly and shallow and their mums are no better

some girls are just attracted to pretty girly things , my own dd thinks unicorns shit glitter

What does it even mean when you say something is 'gendered' Last time i looked i had a gender - i am the female gender. Don't you like things that are geared towards male/female and would prefer there just to be entirely neutral things?

I expect if a boy wanted a pamper party then he could have one. Don't see why not really. My DH loves a bit of pampering himself. He loves a massage or a facial and he really likes getting his hair cut. He is not huge on make up or nail polish but will use blemish cover up.

Sorry this is a little bit off topic but can I ask what is wrong with gender stereotyping? At 6 years old a child is old enough to decide what they like & if a little girl likes pink and sparkles then why not just let her have what she likes? My little boy is only two and likes lala loopsy dolls, so will be getting him some for Christmas. He also loves cars so has some of those too! I think we look too far into things as parents nowadays,

Gender is different from sex, littlewhitebag. So male/female relates to sex but masculine/feminine relates to gender.

Sex is biological, gender is societal.

Oh & YABU, if she wants to go, let her. What do you think is going to happen?

Same thing that's wrong with racial stereotyping, 0utnumbered

My question is "why does she like it?"

Why is the attraction to shiny stuff largely restricted to one gender in humans, when in other species it is not gendered?

My question is "why does she like it?"

Probably because when she looks around her, the women closest to her that she aspires to be like...ie her Mum/Gran/Aunt/older sisters/cousins/teachers, wear make-up.

This is why many parents smoke away from their kids...so they don't copy.

But you can't hide your make-up because it's right there on your face.

So it doesn't take much imagination to see why little girls like that sort of thing and little boys don't.

As soon as Dads/grandads/uncles/brother and male teachers start wearing make-up, I'm sure we'll see pamper parties for little boys.

Oh fgs, this again! Did you refuse to let her play with Barbie as well; lest she be irredeemably corrupted?