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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not let my DD go to a 'Pamper' party at the age of 6?

219 replies

Twang · 23/11/2013 00:05

As the title reads...DD had been invited to pamper party for one of her peers which involves make up and hairdoes. She's 6. Call me old fashioned but 6 year olds in make up and coiffured?

OP posts:
SomethingOnce · 23/11/2013 00:07

YANBU, but I'm a miserable old killjoy Grin

WorraLiberty · 23/11/2013 00:08

I can't get fussed about it really because kids like to copy their parents, and have done since the dawn of time.

As long as it's a one off and she's not going to be nagging you to buy her make-up I don't see a problem.

And parents do their kid's hair every day.

IdaClair · 23/11/2013 00:08

I would not allow this Yanbu.

curiousgeorgie · 23/11/2013 00:09

I'd let her go. There's no harm.

In fact, I'd venture there's more 'damage' from her missing a party with her friend tbh.

wandymum · 23/11/2013 00:12

My 4yr old was invited to a pamper party. I was very Biscuit but it was a close friend so let her go. She came back with glittery hair and painted nails but was so happy I couldn't maintain my disapproval. All adornment was removed that night though.

movingaway · 23/11/2013 00:14

My initial reaction is eeeuuuchh no way... but actually I know that my 5yo would LOVE that, so I would probably let her go. Not my thing, but it's a one off and there'll be no harm done.

curiousgeorgie · 23/11/2013 00:18

I would very happily throw my DD one of these parties at that age. I'm seriously confused by how many threads like this there are. I honestly don't see the problem. It's just a one time treat??!

ProphetOfDoom · 23/11/2013 00:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MunchMunch · 23/11/2013 00:25

My dd is 6 and it's the sort of thing she loves. I don't like full on make up and fake tan but a bit of lippy and eyeshadow isn't going to hurt her. Dd loves doing her own make up and is quite good at it but she takes it off soon after and doesn't wear it everyday.

I bet you raided your dm's make up bag when you were little.

1gglePiggle · 23/11/2013 00:26

Yabu - I fail to see what the problem is. Let kids have fun, a bit of make up isn't going to kill them. Restricting it just makes it more desired than ever.

Ouchmyhead · 23/11/2013 00:27

I know I will probably sound ridiculous; but I really hate parties like this for such young girls. It's just stereotyping from such a young age, all make up and pink and glitter. It's like all toys having to be 'pink' for a girl. I actually saw a pink 'girl' Jenga the other day. Why does Jenga need to have a sex?

Anyway, I'm getting side tracked. If she would enjoy the party, let her go. Although it may not be your choice of party for your daughter, she may still enjoy it. I guess it's just up to you to make sure it's just seen as a 'playing dress up' thing rather than a 'oh I need this every day' thing.

IMHO anyway!

Merel · 23/11/2013 00:27

As long as she is exposed to a range of activities, I don't really see the harm in a one off pamper party.

IdaClair · 23/11/2013 00:30

My dd has six invitations on the fridge at the moment , I think we can actually make two of them so I would not see the harm inherent in missing a party with her friends. Two she is invited to are on the same day same time. There's got to be a choice made. I see lots of harm in close focus on appearance, the gendering of events, unless boys are also invited, answer the introduction to the beauty industry so young - they'vw no idea what they are up against. Industries and advertisements really stick their claws in young kids and I would not want a six year old primed and preneed

ChippingInLovesAutumn · 23/11/2013 00:32

It's a bit of gloss, a lot of glitter and some funky hair styles followed by crisps and cake - it's not a full face of slap and a fake tan with RTD's.

It's not my idea of fun for kids - but if it's what the party girl wants and your DD would have fun - loosen up.

IdaClair · 23/11/2013 00:32

Primped and preened. So much emphasis on appearance, the idea that you feel good because of how you look, we're just creating the consumers of the future.

ThenSheSaid · 23/11/2013 00:33

I'd let her go. I don't like girls in make up and bail varnish etc but surely, as a one off, this is more like playing dress up?

I really don't see a problem even though it's a bit naff and I wouldn't do it myself.

So,
YABU to not let her go
YANBU to think it a bit Confused

WorraLiberty · 23/11/2013 00:37

IdaClair (love the name btw!)

To be fair, most young girls get introduced to the beauty industry by their Mums/older sisters (depending on age gap).

Every time they see Mum/Sister/Aunt etc putting on make-up, they're exposed to it.

Exposure by very close family is a dream come true for manufacturers, because close family are endorsing their products and bringing them into the home for them.

intothenever · 23/11/2013 00:41

Oh God I cannot BEAR makeup on small children. So, so tacky and inappropriate.

Zhx3 · 23/11/2013 00:41

Dd was invited to a pamper party recently too. She had a great time, but I share the same concerns as you. However, I don't think as a one-off it will affect her in the long term. She sees me without make-up, nail polish, hair straightners etc., so she's growing up in a house where we are tidy and clean, but don't spend a lot of time "prettifying", for wont of a better word. At 6, they won't let you forget it if you forbid them to go to a party for your reasons!

MrsFlorrick · 23/11/2013 00:44

Sorry OP. I recall using my mums foundation eyeshadow (blue-nice) and lipstick (frosted pink-nice) before going to school. She was only mad because I squished out an entire tube of foundation.

Other than wrecking my mums makeup, I wasn't a pink sparkely princessy type girl

However my 4 yo DD is! Very sparkely pink and princessy. She would be beside herself at a hair do and make up party.

And I would let her. I'm not girly but I do my hair and I wear makeup
Daily. She would only be copying me.

Don't spoil her fun. It's a bit of faffing around with her hair and probably some pink lippy and blue or pink eyeshadow and shiny nail polish

If you're not a make up wearer yourself the perhaps different. If you are, then she is just
Copying you.

MrsFlorrick · 23/11/2013 00:45

And yes my DD sees me
Appy makeup and dry my hair. So she would only be copying.

Breezy1985 · 23/11/2013 00:50

My DD had a pamper party for her 6th Birthday, they just did their nails, and basically put some glitter on their faceshair and played normal party games inbetween. I was a bit hmm when she asked for it, I'm the least girly girl ever and never wear make up but all the girls loved it.

BeCool · 23/11/2013 01:13

YANBU.
She will not be damaged by missing a party in any way.
For many people sadly this kind if thing is far from a "one off" - it is what people think girls should/would like to be doing most. And it's cute. Hmm

Actually it is most about the parents and what they want/think is cute or fun.

I'd make our excuses and take DD to do something really fun.

SecretWitch · 23/11/2013 01:43

My 6 year old loves nail varnish not sure about the other pamper stuff. She has a much older sister so she is used to all the girlie stuff around our house. It's a one day thing, probably won't lead to a life of self tanning nd vajazzeling. I dont see a problem..

silverten · 23/11/2013 01:52

Odd choice of activity. Surely the point of a party is to do something fun?

I'm on board with the idea that taking a bit of an interest in your appearance is reasonable. I accept that some occasions call for a special effort. I don't really view messing about with hair/makeup as much other than a bit of a chore though- even if you do do it with your friends to relieve the tedium and uncertainty about it.

Still, how bad is it going to be, really? I guess your DD is going to probably take away the impression that faffing about with glitter and hair is the sort of thing you might do on a special occasion- which isn't a totally mad idea. I bet there won't be any boys there though- which is where the dodgy angles start to creep in- why shouldn't boys take a bit of pride in their looks too? Why should it only be a 'Girly' thing?

Just a shame they aren't doing something a bit more 'fun' really- but maybe the birthday girl(?) thinks this is what constitutes fun? And it is her party.

FWIW I think six is rather young for makeup but might not make too much of a fuss for a one-off party. I suspect the attraction to them is more about going mad with the glitter than any 'lets attract some boys' type of thing.