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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU let date in house with my kids.

133 replies

mumofbeautys · 22/11/2013 15:48

I have 2 girls aged 4 - I have been single there whole lifes and promised I would never bring a date back only someone I was serious about.
anyway a while back a guy started a temp job at my work and we got to know each other , I really like him.
so we have been arranging a date for like ever lol it was my birthday this week he offered a meal out and maybe the cinema but I had no one to watch the children and its unlikely I will ever at the right time. so he text me tonight saying we could get a Chinese. IABU to maybe invite him round once the girls are in bed .. for some Chinese and wine ........ ?

OP posts:
YoureBeingASillyBilly · 22/11/2013 18:16

Hmm i posted a few months ago about a man a fancied and was very much encourage to see him, when i couldnt get a babysitter there was no "i wouldnt" responses- all very encouraging for him to come to my house with alcohol even though my dcs were in bed sleeping. Im surprised at the responses you've had

MistAllChuckingFrighty · 22/11/2013 18:24

My kneejerk response was going to be "no"

but after reading all the thread, I say "yes"

and some lovely man is going to want to be with you, despite your daughter's medical needs understandably being a priority right now

however, that won't always be the case and you deserve a bit of light relief just like anyone else

when they are a bit older and more self sufficient with their own care, then things will start to change. Until then, any man who doesn't understand that is not good enough for you

have a great date night in on sunday x

TheWitTank · 22/11/2013 18:24

Personally I wouldn't. I don't think I would be comfortable enough for a first date, I would prefer to go out and see how things pan out. If he is horrible (you never know!!) you can skip out early on the premise of getting home for the girls. Sorry if you have answered this already, I've skipped-are the girls at preschool or school? Can you meet for a coffee at lunchtime a few times to get the feel of how things are going? I'm sure he will understand if he is a decent bloke! Good luck, I hope he's lovely!

somersethouse · 22/11/2013 18:24

Sorry, haven't read the whole thread, but I have seen you on others OP and am very impressed by you!

I totally would invite the guy round as I think you have good judgement and have a great time!

TheWitTank · 22/11/2013 18:26

Oh, just had a quick read through-you have known him a year? Then go for it! I thought it was a very recent thing! Have a great time!

mrsWast · 22/11/2013 18:26

i don't get all the catsbum-mouthed 'no' responses at the beginning of this thread. i'd really like to hear the reasoning behind them.

OP, enjoy your movie night on Sunday.

Fairyloo · 22/11/2013 18:29

Oh god course I would! People are mad on here. How did they ever meet people,

Sounds great just don't get too drunk!

Your an adult do what you want!!!

LadyAlconleigh · 22/11/2013 18:32

I would. He sounds like he wants to make the effort knowing your circumstances.

Hopasholic · 22/11/2013 18:32

Don't be upset mumofbeautys Some people just don't think how their attention seeking has an impact on a RL person!

I think OP has enough on her plate without being told not to bother as its a non starter. I couldn't believe what I was reading tbh Shock. You go ahead on Sunday, have a lovely time Flowers

confusedwwyd · 22/11/2013 18:32

You're never going to meet anyone if you don't date so no reason why you shouldnt go for it. Don't give up hope of meeting someone - my dss has cystic fibrosis and its bloody hard work let alone two plus diabetes. You deserve to have fun.

AngelsLieToKeepControl · 22/11/2013 18:32

The reasoning behind my 'I don't think I would' the start of the thread was because from the first post it didn't sound like the op knew him as well as she does, and I wouldn't have someone (male or female) over for a few drinks unless I knew what they were like with alcohol. I've seen too many people turn into utter pricks after even 3 or 4 drinks and it would be awful to have that happen in your home and not be able to walk away.

Have a great night on Sunday op Wine Thanks

somersethouse · 22/11/2013 18:40

They are going to share a bottle of wine and a chinese and watch a film.
They are not taking heroin.

As a newly single LP I find this thread distressing and ridiculous in its attitudes towards the risks and right of the OP to have a male friend round.

Good grief.

softlysoftly · 22/11/2013 18:42

Ooooh I'm so jealous, have fun and keep us nosy wenches updated!

Original poster
mumofbeautys · 22/11/2013 18:44

thank you - suppose I asked because I always question whats right first for the girls. on my birthday I was so down and had a terrible week I began thinking fook it , but then kind of began question whether I was being irrational.

the girls are not at school. one of them is struggling at th emoment its really tough ! I think maybe have a bit of social time even it being at home will ighten me up a lil and maybe actually make me a happier mum. its just a hard decision it has just been us 3 for so long lol

OP posts:
somersethouse · 22/11/2013 18:52

mumofbeautys you are so sweet and clearly want the best for your girls.

Do not hesitate to have any friend you trust round, male or female. It would be far more risky to get a babysitter IMHO.

Lots of love to you!

lollilou · 22/11/2013 18:54

I too have changed my opinion. Invite him and have a lovely time.Smile
Wish I could babysit for you though. Sounds like you would enjoy a night out.

KoalaFace · 22/11/2013 19:04

It sounds really tough on you.

I asked upthread if you had ever been offered respite care for your DDs. I know of a couple of people who get it and it seems like a huge help.

Original poster
mumofbeautys · 22/11/2013 19:10

I am in the middle of sorting everything out koala - made some massive life decisions this week as I think I would of ended up wearing myself out if I had carried on the way I did- I either get rest bite or quit my job but something has to give. I have had this week off to think.

OP posts:
KoalaFace · 22/11/2013 19:19

The kids I know who go to respite love it and the parents get to recharge their batteries and (shock horror) have a bit of a life! I hope you manage to get some help sorted soon. Sounds like it might be good timing as well...you might have some fun dates coming up!

pumpkinsweetie · 22/11/2013 19:20

Have a nice night op, enjoy yourself. There is nothing wrong with this at all considering you know this man & your dc will be in bed anyway.

It's sounds as though you won't be getting much of a chance to go out and if he likes you, a night in is just as good as going out and he seems to considering he has waited this long to have a date with you.

ImperialBlether · 22/11/2013 19:24

I think you should. Why on earth should you spend every evening on your own when you've got a nice guy who could come round and keep you company?

You sound like a lovely mum and I'm sure all your time and effort goes into your girls, but it's time you had some fun too. (Just push the sofa against the door if you do!)

Original poster
mumofbeautys · 22/11/2013 19:25

the thought of respite scares me makes me feel like im failing them .. I know stupid but I just don't like leaving them so only do so for work.

OP posts:
Original poster
mumofbeautys · 22/11/2013 19:27

lol imperial its been so long I think I have forgotten how ;)

OP posts:
MistAllChuckingFrighty · 22/11/2013 19:31

it won't have healed over Wink

KoalaFace · 22/11/2013 19:36

It would scare me too tbh, but not because it's not a brilliant thing for both the kids and parents. Just because being a parent means feeling guilty and worrying and winding yourself up.

Respite will do you the world of good and allow you to be the brilliant mum you are without being completely exhausted.

Are you part of any support groups with other parents in similar situations?

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