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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU let date in house with my kids.

133 replies

mumofbeautys · 22/11/2013 15:48

I have 2 girls aged 4 - I have been single there whole lifes and promised I would never bring a date back only someone I was serious about.
anyway a while back a guy started a temp job at my work and we got to know each other , I really like him.
so we have been arranging a date for like ever lol it was my birthday this week he offered a meal out and maybe the cinema but I had no one to watch the children and its unlikely I will ever at the right time. so he text me tonight saying we could get a Chinese. IABU to maybe invite him round once the girls are in bed .. for some Chinese and wine ........ ?

OP posts:

wontletmesignin · 22/11/2013 17:08

Yanbu no. Not if you know him already. Even if the girls did come down, they dont need to know you are dating. He could just be your friend.

I understand where you are coming fron completely.

You know this man. What is the problem?

antimatter · 22/11/2013 17:08

go for it!

If it was a gf from work you wouldn't have problem.

wontletmesignin · 22/11/2013 17:09

Oh and i hope you have a great time

SinisterBuggyMonth · 22/11/2013 17:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LurcioLovesFrankie · 22/11/2013 17:16

I think you should invite the guy round - you've known him for ages! Your best friend is a bloke, so it's not like you haven't had male friends round. FWIW, I'm a single parent with several male (platonic) friends who come round sometimes for a takeaway and dvd when DS is in bed. When he was younger, DS used to express surprise that they'd gone home - why weren't they still there the next morning (I used to joke with my friends as to what DS thought of my morals - but I think when he was very little he hadn't got beyond "Granddad stays on the sofa bed - why don't Mummy's other friends?"). Not that I'm likely to have the shagging on the landing scenario - I'm pushing 50 and everything's heading south. But in your situation - go for it. And as others have said, he knows your situation, he's known you for a long time, so chances are he's genuine (and a damn sight less shallow than some of the posters on this thread).

sparklysilversequins · 22/11/2013 17:17

He sounds like he is trying to work with your situation and likes you, therefore it seems like a night in with you DOES trump swanning round the pub doesn't it?

I've two dc with ASD who can't have normal babysitters either OP and also a lone parent. If your near me maybe we could swap childcare, wouldn't THAT be a perfect solution ?

What a very narrow minded and rather insulting view of men you have Kelly. A friend of mine had four dc under 5 and met and married the most gorgeous, professional bloke. The heart wants what it wants and most difficulties can usually be overcome.

KoalaFace · 22/11/2013 17:17

You've known him for eleven months and know him well. I think it's fine to have him over for wine and chinese!

If it gets to the point when you are wanting to be more...er...intimate, and this comes before you are serious enough to introduce to your girls and have him stay over then you might need to have a rethink and come up with a plan. But for now, while it's a friendship that is growing maybe into something more, I think it's fine to have him come over.

SeaDevilscanPlay · 22/11/2013 17:18

Now you have explained it a bit more I want to change my mind. Yanbu.

If he is a friend and you know each other then go for it.

From the OP I thought that you knew him at work and he had asked you out.

BillMasen · 22/11/2013 17:19

I'd say go for it. It's not too different from a mate coming round for a drink, and if they wake up and want to say hello, that's what you say.

I know it can be hard to date when you're a single parent, and especially when you have twins with health issues. Coffee/chat/meal ct yours is fine for starters.

As for the poster saying no-one would be interested in someone like you, or all dates would not ever be this, words fail me......

Original poster

mumofbeautys · 22/11/2013 17:27

sorry for the late reply I was a bit upset.

thank you for all your lovely comments. I think im going to leave it for tonight as its been a long week and im probably emotional otherwise I wouldn't of got offended by Kelly. but .. I invited him for a movie night on sunday :)

OP posts:

AngelsLieToKeepControl · 22/11/2013 17:30

What movie are you going to watch mumof ?

AlexReidsLonelyBraincell · 22/11/2013 17:31

I hope you have a lovely time op.

Some one persons posts are pretty cruel, please ignore that, not every relationship is the same. You have to work with what you've got and the fact that you're asking for opinions on here shows that you are thinking things through.
You are obviously friends foremost, which is a great start.

Enjoy, god I loved dating, so exciting.

Original poster

mumofbeautys · 22/11/2013 17:31

probably hungers games because apparently im behind with the times lol

OP posts:

Ellenora5 · 22/11/2013 17:34

Good for you mumofbeautys, enjoy the movie, it's one of my favourites

LurcioLovesFrankie · 22/11/2013 17:40

Oooh lucky you - enjoy yourself!

My dad had no problems about dating a single mother with a child back in the late 1950s! (Resulted in a 46 year happy marriage and a great relationship with his stepdaughter - my half sister). And I'd like to think social attitudes have loosened up since then.

Ericaequites · 22/11/2013 17:45

You know him well from work. Having him over in the evening is fine. It's the UK, not Saudi. Men and women can handle this sort of situation. The OP has a very hard life, and deserves some fun.

usualsuspect · 22/11/2013 17:47

I would, enjoy your night.

paperlantern · 22/11/2013 17:48

hope you have a super time!!!!

WorraLiberty · 22/11/2013 17:52

Good luck

I would have no problem with this at all

It's not like he's some random that you've dragged back from the pub.

Hope it all works out.

GogoGobo · 22/11/2013 17:54

It's a work friend, go for it! YANBU - hope you have a lovely time x

Ihatepeas · 22/11/2013 18:03

Go for it! Girls will be in bed and you've known him for a while he not a stranger!

motherinferior · 22/11/2013 18:04

Date #1 Nice meal out, get a bit squiffy in little pub, scenic walk to the train station. Decide on cinema next time etc

actually sounds extremely boring to me mind you I'm more of the shag on the landing type

HerrenaHarridan · 22/11/2013 18:08

Phew! Thank goodness people started talking sense.

I was starting to think I should never have any friends over, how so these prudish 1950's attitudes work if you prefer women.
Can I have men over but not women?
Wait, what would the curtain twitchers think?

Glad your going for it op, sounds very promising

KoalaFace · 22/11/2013 18:11

Glad to see the thread has changed direction! Twas quite depressing at first!

Hope you have a nice time on Sunday OP.

Have you ever been offered respite care for your girls?

nurseneedshelp · 22/11/2013 18:14

I would if you know him well enough, sounds like you need a break from the day to day stuff.

Its not as if you're leaving your girls alone with him and you're not gonna be daft enough to have him in your bed when the girls come in to you im the morning!

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