Not read whole thread in detail but I knew you would get some nasty responses.
It's possible to accept that people make their own choices, while also being sad that the baby did not get a chance to BF. I really can't see what's wrong with that thought.
A lot of effort goes into encouraging people to BF and that is for a reason - because it is better for the baby (as well as having some benefits for the mother).
However I think it might actually be easier for people to countenance trying it, if the debate wasn't so polarised. I was very keen to BF, I fought through a LOT of very difficult problems to do it, and I succeeded, twice over. But I was very annoyed with people (including well-meaning HCPs) who said things like "It doesn't hurt, if it hurts you're doing it wrong". It did fucking hurt, it hurt so much I was constantly in tears, and once when a MW rubbed my back hard in sympathy and to distract me from the pain as DD latched on, I could have kissed her because no one else was acknowledging to me that it hurt.
"Everyone will make just as much milk as their baby needs" - is bollocks. I know farmers who know for sure this is not true with animals, so why would humans be different? There ARE supply issues for some people and those who deny it make trying to BF so much harder.
And the disapproval and horror if you resort to ANY formula, as if you've failed and might as well throw in the towel, is not fair. Mixed BF is better than no BF if that's what you can manage. I was FF as a baby and I'm still here. Formula helped newborn DS regain some badly needed weight after 3 days of hopeless BF disasters and exhaustion for both him and me. I went on to BF fully after that, so why the tutting I got from earth mother types?
And while BF is in many ways great, it is also demanding of you and your body, it's messy, and for some people it takes courage to overcome the embarrassment or negative attitudes of those around them. No they shouldn't be embarrassed, but sometimes they are and that should be understood.
Finally, with DC2, I saw a very experienced BF counsellor who immediately identified my issue - my nipples are an awkward shape/size for a tiny baby's mouth. She explained that's why it all fell into place when they were 3-4 months - because the baby had grown big enough. Suddenly it all made sense. Because someone actually finally was willing to admit we're not all made the same and it's not true that we can all BF perfectly if we just put our mind to it.
You see a lot of the things I was told obviously still rankle - and I'm strongly pro BF! I do think it is often handled really badly and I am not surprised some people just want steer clear of the whole shebang.
That is sad, but I don't think we can just blame those people.