To wish feel a bit sad that my friends didn't even want to try breastfeeding?

[ClaireandGeorge]

I know I'm probably going to get flamed for this.
Saw a friend with her 3 day old baby and she was moaning as her boobs were engorged and sore and I couldn't help but feel a bit sad that, that milk was meant for baby.
I understand a lot of women try and struggle or have problems that mean they can't. I totally get breastfeeding is difficult.
Another friend didn't want to breastfeed as her partner had said her boobs were for sex.
I guess what I'm trying to say is I understand it's a free world and we can all choose to do as we so wish. I have absolutely nothing against formula and I know plenty of beautiful babies and children that have thrived on it. It's just that it makes me a bit sad that my friends have chosen to ignore mother nature and not even give it a go.

It more seems like an inefficiency to have ready made milk ready to go at the right temperature but then choose instead to extract it from cows, ship it twice round the country, add chemicals, dehydrate it, ship round the country again, bring it home, rehydrate it, heat it up, then cool it down and finally give it to the baby.

This. This is why I can't understand people who think it's easier to FF (by 'easier' I mean exactly that. Obviously I'm not including anyone with a medical/mental health reason here). I've done both, and FFing was a million times more faff, not to mention expensive. Sterilising, making bottles, heating them, getting out of bed in the night to get them, having to ensure I had enough formula/bottles with me everywhere I went... it was a huge PITA!

Then there is the general 'oddness' of doing exactly what the poster I quoted says.

I honestly don't care how people feed their babies. But I do have to wonder (again, speaking only of those for whom it is a pure choice) if they've thought it through.

YABU OP - I feel "sad" if someone wants to BF but then can't for whatever reason.

I feel "sad" too if someone wants to have children but can't. I don't however feel "sad" about my friends who have decided they don't want kids, just because I've had kids and therefore feel like know how wonderful that can be, etc. There's really no need for it.

I'm sure they have 'thought it through', yes.

Fine, autumn. If you say so.

You can stick your humphy face, though.

Just fed up with the patronising head tilting.

Neither of those came from me.

Have another one Toby.

Toby

keep your knickers on.
I CHOSE to ff ds2 as my ds1 turned one 3 days before & after looking into it & spending time with bf friends I couldnt commit to having a baby attached to me all day.

Calm yourself, Harold. All the genuine judging which goes on about this and you pick on what I've said? Genius.

if thats selfish IYO
then…

My knickers are fine and perfectly in place, thanks.

Where did I say anything about 'selfish'?

It's someone else's feeding choice, this isn't something which should be affecting you to the point that you are writing posts on the internet and feeling sad about it. Is the baby loved? Is it clean and fed and cuddled? Then brilliant, nothing to be sad about.

Toby didn't even say selfish.

It is sad when there are plenty of people who do believe breastfeeding is a bit wrong, like the op's friend's partner, and those extra odd folk who mutter about bfing being "more for the mother" Having heard these opinions and seen how much you have to go against the grain to bf amongst this nonsense, I reiterate it is sad.

The problem then is you have people living amongst a different social group who meet up with bfing zealots (maybe unintentional zealots but still) and feel horrendous. OP doesn't sound as if she's crossed the line into zealotry.

ohhh errr-apologies to toby about the selfish comment

how terrible of me to JUDGE her on what she was saying.

Agree Teacake, but surely it's almost worse for mums who are FF for whatever reason to read a thread like this, with a reasonably large number of posters saying they wouldn't ever say anything, but are secretly judging them, or questioning their decisions.

I do get where you're coming from OP and of course you can think what you like!

I just think it's a product of the culture we live in. For many people breastfeeding is just too far outside of the norm to really have a chance.

I'm still feeding dc3 at age 3 (didn't feed the others for longer than a couple of weeks!) and I'm currently grappling with the feeling that I've gone way out of cultural norms into weird territory!!! Many people probably feel that right from the start.

OP I think maybe you are feeling 'sad' because you are broody, you're remembering how YOU felt while BF etc. and you do sound like a nice person.

BUT... I do agree that posting your emotions on this (which of course you have the right to do) has the effect of making other new mums who cant/dont/would never BF feel that they have to justify their decision, and as a mother you should never have to do that unless you are doing something clearly abusive of course.

FWIW I could have continued feeding DD1 beyond 10 days, carried on with the bleeding nipples and the mastitis etc - but chose not to. with DD2, when the bleeding nipples started 3 days in, I again chose not to. My body, my choice. 17 and 14 years later they both appear to be fairly fit, healthy and normal people.

totally agree with PP who said it doesnt matter in the great scheme of life, and also with those calling for an end to judgement.

Fgs, I'm the first to admit I judge on many things. But I can only think you haven't read what I said, exterminate, because I have said several times that I don't give a toss how people feed their babies.

I'll try to prècis what I said for you:

I wonder whether those who choose to FF (and I don't count medical/MH reasons as a choice) have thought it through in terms of efficiency, cost, and effort.

You'll note that there is nothing in what I said about what is best for the baby, because that is subjective and there are many factors which go in to deciding that. But from the mother's POV, FFing is inefficient, expensive and much more work (in the vast majority of cases) than BFing.

well thanks for exempting medical reasons.
big of you.

I don't get judginess from the OP at all. She's already explained that it's probably due to her own broodiness, wanting to be bfing her own baby.

As someone who bf and ff both babies, I can confirm that there is plenty of judginess from people who ff too. In fact I've had loads of negative comments recently because I'm 'still' bfing nearly 1yo dc (seriously, is that all people have to worry about?). I've never commented, negatively or otherwise, about how anyone else feeds their baby, why should I have to put up with people telling me that how I feed my child is 'creepy', 'sick' or 'perverted'? That last one from a health visitor .

Jeez, exterminate, you seem to have a giant chip on your shoulder about this. I shall leave you to it, because I'm not in the business of arguing with people who clearly aren't willing to read the actual words I wrote, and would rather attribute some kind of made-up agenda to my posts.

look not on here for a fight, apologies if I had my hackles raised.

I love breastfeeding, I think its beautiful but for multiple reasons I couldnt/chose not to.

Everyone has different ways of doing things and everyone has different opinions.
Both a good and bad thing

OP I don't think YABU. Yes, it is everyone's choice how they feed but I too feel a little sad when people choose not to feed themselves as to me it is the most natural thing in the world.

I am not judging anyone, it is a personal feeling and I would never say anything to those who choose not to and I don't think the OP is judging either.