To wish feel a bit sad that my friends didn't even want to try breastfeeding?

[ClaireandGeorge]

I know I'm probably going to get flamed for this.
Saw a friend with her 3 day old baby and she was moaning as her boobs were engorged and sore and I couldn't help but feel a bit sad that, that milk was meant for baby.
I understand a lot of women try and struggle or have problems that mean they can't. I totally get breastfeeding is difficult.
Another friend didn't want to breastfeed as her partner had said her boobs were for sex.
I guess what I'm trying to say is I understand it's a free world and we can all choose to do as we so wish. I have absolutely nothing against formula and I know plenty of beautiful babies and children that have thrived on it. It's just that it makes me a bit sad that my friends have chosen to ignore mother nature and not even give it a go.

People can do what they want. What I dont like is people saying that formula feeding with be better for their baby. That is just a lie they tell themselves to make them feel better

We are not talking about 1% of mothers who have medical issues here. Is it something like half of British mothers who do not breastfeed? And at 6 months just a tiny percentage. My little boy was breastfed until 2 and the comments from our British side of family were always negative

The UK has a problem with breast feeding. I don't know why, but maybe want is needed is for people to pull a face when they see a tiny baby bottle feeding, rather than pulling a face when they see a 1 year old breast feeding

No,only you will pull face at ff.fortunately it's not normal reaction

I confess I never remember people may be using expressed milk, because I never managed to express more than 5 mls.

I wouldn't judge a stranger FFing, you don't know the back story (I FF DD1, after much frustrated failing to get her to latch on properly).

I'd only judge those who doesn't try in the first place and those who give up because of ill informed DP/DM/DMIL/friends etc. who needed telling to fuck off wether the DC is 6 days, months or years old.

Let's shame mothers into breastfeeding! That sounds like a good plan that works not in any way adversely affect women's mental health.

sorry did someone just say 'there is no pro formula lobby'

Are you fucking kidding me? People are making money out of formula of course there is a pro formula lobby. Capitalism 101.

Yabu

It's none of your buisness

errm bluecushion I most certainly am not a bitch at all. I have not made amy snide comments to any mums I know about how they fed thier baby.
Said friend had come to me for advice about lots of aspects of her pregnancy, birth and new babies including feeding. Would that suggest a am a judhy bitch who makes snide comments?

Shocking how women get shot down in flames by fellow women for exercising their 'choice'....I ff completely by choice....took a wonderful year off mat leave to enjoy my dd never felt an ounce of guilt ..oh and .... Have never smoked in my life.... Now that really made me chuckle

Gobbolino I'm horrified at those types of people giving such personal advice to acquaintances , they proliferate where I am now and cause all this angst! When I joke about my Mum and her friends I can say there is no way they would offer advice to anyone beyond their own close family, and even then it's put far less dogmatically!

I recently was told off by a school mum for letting my child out to a fast food place with mates. It's a lower level version of going way too far with voicing an opinion! I avoid her now 'cos it was so rude imo.

Op sounds like she's trying to support her RL friends.

Formula feeding was 100% better for my baby as the right of having to breastfeed him made me want to walkout the house and never ever come back.

I don't feel sad as such when I see women with sore boobs and a bottle.

It more seems like an inefficiency to have ready made milk ready to go at the right temperature but then choose instead to extract it from cows, ship it twice round the country, add chemicals, dehydrate it, ship round the country again, bring it home, rehydrate it, heat it up, then cool it down and finally give it to the baby.

Of course inefficiency (or even carbon footprint) doesn't trump the mothers well being or choice. But it probably is a good enough reason to shift the general public's view of boobs from primarily for sex to primarily for BFing.

It might be better for the whole family though. That's also something to consider. I had a horrendous pregnancy with dd2. It took a lot away from dd1. She was so patient and so good the whole time but I felt so guilty. Being able to pass baby to dp was vital for me because I desperately needed to spend some time with dd1.knowing how bf went the first time round I know it wouldn't have been possible. That played a huge factor for me in my choice.

Some are so zealous about bf they simply cannot understand formula use
This renders them unable to get another perspective or refrain from judging
And ff isn't same as cigarette smoking.but it's perfect example of loss of perspective

Once the decision has already been made, ie the baby is here and being fed by whatever method has been chosen, tbh I don't really have an opinion - I'll have only the barest of info why that decision was made and am not sufficiently interested in other women's breasts to find out more.

However, I kind of get the OP, as I do feel 'sad' about BF rates nationally, I just don't apply that same feeling to individual cases. I guess I think YANBU, and I think a lot of posters here are reading more into your OP than is there.

I had to express and mix feed BM/FF for the first month, as DS couldn't latch. If anyone in Hospital 'judged' me then more fool them, they had no idea of the circs (even the Docs, as they didn't spot DSs tongue ties).
We eventually got it mostly sorted out around 4mo and went on to BF til he was 2yo, so anyone who missed the first hellish months would assume I was one of those who found BF easy peasy.

On the other hand, I know a woman who BFd her DC1 v easily, but found the whole process mentally weird/horrible, stopped at 4mo, and decided to FF her DC2 from birth. It just wasn't for her. We did discuss it once when she was pg, but only she knew what was right for her, and as odd as I found it ("But it's so easy for her, why wouldn't she?!" went my judgey internal monologue, based on my own crap experience) I kept right out.

Overall yabu. It is a choice and so many tthings affect baby more. We women do need to be able to make our own choices re our bodies.

However do not like the sound of the partner saying "Boobs are for sex". That is terrible and would make me sad too. Boobs are fundamentally for feeding babies in same way as feet are "for" walking but you can use them to dance if you want!

Yes I did ice. On this thread I was referring too of course. After some oh here come the pro formula lobby.

I really cannot actually be arsed at all to get involved in YET ANOTHER bf v ff bloody bunfight.

It makes me sad when babies don't get fed. It does not make me sad when someone weighs up their options, and circumstances and makes a decision to FF. Why on earth would it. If it's THEIR choice.

Sorry but I think you are judging. Would you feel comfortable with people judging you for the number of children you have or how you bring them up? I struggled with breastfeeding and felt terrible because of the pressure around it.

I've just read the whole thread. It's pretty horrible really.

If I saw a woman breast/bottle feeding in public I genuinely wouldn't turn a hair. So what if she's FF? I certainly would consider it even slightly my business.

FWIW, I think the pressure on new mums to breastfeed can be quite extreme and I don't think there's any place for it. People are able to access information and advice freely and they should be able to make their own choice based on that and what they think will best fit in with their lifestyle.

Women who don't want to try to breastfeed, fine. I don't have DC but if I do in the future I can see myself being one of them, for reasons I don't feel I have to explain or justify.

Equally, those who want to BF and are happy to do so, great.

Everyone always has something to say, whether they're saying it as a total twat or out of false 'concern'. And in these situations it makes me fucking angry.

I bf both of mine to 6 months. I was more than happy to stop then and I ff for the next 6 months. That was my choice. Some of my friends ff from birth - up to them, I never thought twice about it.

I hate threads like this - slagging off women for their own choices. Smug and patronising posts from judgey folk are always in abundance on these types of threads.

What makes me sad is threads like this and the pleasure some women seem to get out of tearing down other new mums. :(

I didn't say you were a bitch, I said my SIL is. I said you are judgy, which you are.

What makes me sad is threads like this and the pleasure some women seem to get out of tearing down other new mums.

THIS. can't we have an amnesty? A MN campaign perhaps? Stop putting BF/FF mums down!

I would just like to add that I have never said I feel sad every time I see a ff baby. Generally I just think awww.
This is the only time I have ever felt anything about it at all tbh. It wasn't even the fact that she's being formula fed. Think it was more that there was milk there and ready.
I would also like to add I would never dream of saying anything to my friend ss that would be a horrible thing to do. I am not a twat or a bitch and those that are saying so are being a damn sight more judgey than I ever have.

So agree!

Just STOP IT.

We live in a society that's very against breastfeeding.

For every mother who's genuinely using formula as the lifesaver it is, or to help them cope in difficult circumstances (e.g. undiagnosed tongue tie / PND etc) there's are others who don't breastfeed simply for social reasons - perhaps because they (or their partner) are not comfortable with the idea that boobs are not just for sex, or they feel weird doing it because no one they know ever breastfed (and that is true for lots of new mums).

They are reflecting the attitudes of the society in which we live, so it's unfair to have a go at them, but yes, I do feel sad, for both the mother and the baby, when I hear of new mums not breastfeeding through choice, and I wish our society was more supportive of mums trying to breastfeed in the early days. The "breast is best" stuff is too simplistic I think, it's still a surprise so to many how hard it can be to feed at first, and I think we're failing mothers and babies in those early days by not offering more support where it's needed (better diagnoses of tongue tie for example).

A RL example which did make me feel sad - a family member of mine breastfed her first but not her second because she thought it was weird for her older boy to see her boobs when she was BFing the youngest. This does make me sad. I'm sad that our society makes her feel like that, and that she and her baby have missed out on the health and emotional benefits of breastfeeding for what I perceive to be no good reason. It's a real shame she feels like that IMO, and I know she's ignorant of the (many and well documented) health benefits of BF. She'd made her decision, I respected that of course. Doesn't stop me feeling sad that this is how things are. It could be so different.