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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU regarding MIL and her arrangements with my child??

111 replies

ChristmasYoni · 19/11/2013 20:37

Hi ladies, long time lurker first time poster, PomBears, Naice Ham, Yonis etc etc. I need some opinions on if I am being totally unreasonable or not as I just don't know!

So my MIL asked if she could take my daughter (3) to a pantomime over Christmas and I said of course, she asked if any days were inconvenient and I told her two dates we had planned, she said no problem she would be booking on a weekend date anyway.

Received a text today saying she had booked the tickets for Christmas Eve. Am I being unreasonable to think she should have called to check this was ok first? I know she asked what dates were inconvenient but I thought Christmas Eve and Day went without saying. With hindsight I should have said obviously not the 24th/25th/26th but I honestly thought this would be an unspoken understandment.

I do appreciate my MIL treating my Daughter and spending time to give her a day out, but this is the first christmas she understands properly and I have put loads of thought into what we can do on Xmas eve to get her all excited for Father Christmas and iv been buying little activity packs and DVDs etc to get us in the spirit! Now she will be gone from around 1pm to maybe 5 or 6ish because it is a fair distance away :-( I feel like I'm missing all the magical time with my little girl but at the same time feel like I can't say anything because she did run it by me first!

So please, honest opinions. Am I being precious and unreasonable when she asked me or would you have thought me wanting to spend Xmas eve with my little girl goes without saying??

Thanks for reading.

OP posts:
SantanaLopez · 19/11/2013 20:41

I wouldn't like it but I know a lot of people who do always go to panto with granny on Christmas Eve.

I bet she thought she was doing you a favour and giving you time to set up, plus tiring the wee one out.

smearedinfood · 19/11/2013 20:42

It sounds like she did check though? If it's Xmas eve it gives you extra getting Xmas ready time?

Rhubarbgarden · 19/11/2013 20:42

Yabu. It's Christmas Eve not Christmas Day. I don't think it goes without saying that you'll be doing special activities at all. Most people are just doing last minute frantic shopping; she probably thinks she's doing you a favour taking her off your hands for an afternoon.

IneedAsockamnesty · 19/11/2013 20:42

Just tell her to change it. If you feel the need apologise for not excluding Christmas Eve/day from the no list then do so,but it shoud be a no brainer.

PinkSnowAndStars · 19/11/2013 20:42

YAB a bit U.... it gives you the chance to get the last bits done that you need, and you can still have a couple of magical hours together before bed! plus maybe she'll be super tired and go to bed easily for you!

but thats coming from someone thats working christmas eve and christmas day (A&E receptionist) so i'm trying not to be too precious about christmas! Sad

gamerchick · 19/11/2013 20:42

It's hard to say.. I personally wouldn't be bothered. Bairn out of the way.. last minute cleaning/wrapping and it's not as if they'll be back at bedtime. Plus an exciting outing means dead to the world at bedtime so santa can come.

WooWooOwl · 19/11/2013 20:43

I would have thought it would go without saying.

Totally understand why you're gutted, but unless it's actually in the evening of Christmas Eve, I don't think it's worth saying anything over. So you will have to go along with it, and do all the special things you have planned around it. You will still have a lovely Christmas.

Morgause · 19/11/2013 20:43

YAB a bit U.

I understand how you feel but you should have said Christmas Eve wasn't a good day.

A Panto on Christmas Eve is a lovely thing and you can get everything ready for when she comes home.

CMOTDibbler · 19/11/2013 20:44

We always go Christmas eve, and it makes it really special - and you'll get extra time to prepare stuff.

Twoandtwomakeschaos · 19/11/2013 20:44

I'm with Sock on this.

weebarra · 19/11/2013 20:45

YABU. For many people Xmas eve is just a normal working day. My DM is taking DS1 & 2 to the panto on Xmas Eve - it's now a Christmas tradition for them.

TurnOffTheTv · 19/11/2013 20:45

My three always go out somewhere on Christmas Eve somewhere, it gives me a chance to get sorted in peace and quiet. Can you not get a ticket and go with them?

FirstStopCafe · 19/11/2013 20:45

I'm torn. Yabu in that she checked with you but yanbu to be upset. I understand you wanting to spend Christmas eve with your daughter. I'd phone mil, explain and apologise and ask if she can swop the tickets for another day

Sparkletastic · 19/11/2013 20:46

YANBU - she's stealing your thunder. I'd either see if she can change the date or you and DH get tickets and go along too.

Sirzy · 19/11/2013 20:46

It will only be a couple of hours surely? Use it as a chance to get everything sorted.

If she did ask for dates and you didn't say then you can hardly complain to her, just put it down to experience.

Original poster
ChristmasYoni · 19/11/2013 20:46

Thanks everyone, I've kept my mouth zipped I won't say anything I do appreciate it, just a bit gutted that's all. Will make sure I say something if she wants it to be a yearly thing!

OP posts:
musicmadness · 19/11/2013 20:47

I'd say YABU to be honest, I'd think Christmas eve was fine if you hadn't specifically mentioned it, as it's never been a special day in my family. I'd obviously avoid Christmas day but tbh i'd probably think it was doing you a favour to take her out xmas eve afternoon to give you time to do all the last minute stuff!

Can MIL change the day for the tickets if you really don't want her to take your DD on mas eve?

eurochick · 19/11/2013 20:47

YABU. Xmas Day is not a special day in every household. My dad always worked until at least lunchtime and then took his staff out for a pint, so it was never a special day in our household. I think a panto with gran sounds like a lovely way to spend it.

StrawberryMojito · 19/11/2013 20:47

It's done so no point saying anything. You know for next year to specify that Christmas Eve is for you. She will have a great time hopefully and then come home to a lovely couple of hours with mummy and daddy before bedtime. You still get to put put the carrot for Rudolph and mince pie for Father Christmas. You still have Christmas Day and lots more Christmas Eves to come.

Original poster
ChristmasYoni · 19/11/2013 20:47

I can't go with them, got 1y/o twins that wouldn't sit through it and Dh is working so there isn't anybody to watch them for me

OP posts:
Holdthepage · 19/11/2013 20:48

YABU, she asked, you didn't tell her Christmas Eve was off limits.

breatheslowly · 19/11/2013 20:48

I'd say YABU. Christmas Eve is a working day, just like the other non-bank holidays over Xmas.

AlmostMrsRobinson · 19/11/2013 20:50

Id like to think my Mum or inlaws would double check before booking xmas eve, can understand why your upset.

Id probably rearrange my plans to fit, or if you fancied it could you tag along?

LittleBairn · 19/11/2013 20:50

YANBU I would agree it goes without saying that Christmas Eve is a special day, surely she must have realised this?
I would ask her to change the tickets for another day.

AlmostMrsRobinson · 19/11/2013 20:50

Sorry just seen you cant go along :(

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