to not weep at international & other tragedies?

[CogitoErgoSometimes]

I get that what's happened in the Philippines is a terrible thing or that it's shocking when children are starved to death by parents etc. But I don't understand why others get so emotionally involved to the point of 'weeping'. How do they get through the day if they find all these things to which they are not directly connected so physically distressing? How do they get to the end of a newspaper? There's always something tragic happening somewhere after all. Anyone else save their emotions for problems closer to home or am I just a hard-hearted Hannah? AIBU for not sobbing?

Yikes, YoutheCat, I haven't witnessed that phenomenon. Glad I'm not on Facebook anymore. I don't think I could resist a snarky comment on THAT sort of BS.

I've witnessed it. I have those people hidden now though.

I agree ormirian - another oldie here, and as time's gone on, I've noticed that the things that have deeply affected me seem connected to my 'here and now'; so if I read about two children killed in a house fire or car accident, I've always felt sorrow and pity for their parents -- but if they were the same ages as my two DC at the time, it was much more, 'That could have been my two' (however unreasonable that was) and the pain was much more acute...

What I've never been able to get my head round are people like an ex-colleague, who, when I said (in a sad but not a tearful manner) what a shame it was that another colleague's son had been killed in a car accident, looked genuinely surprised and said, 'But you didn't know him did you?' - and added that she had 'never been able to feel much for strangers' - we'd both worked with his mother for over 10 years.......

So basically it's not okay for them to express their grief because they don't know the victims personally?

Opalite, if that's what you think people are really saying, read a little more carefully.

Opalite of course you can grieve for someone you don't know - but the level of your grief must surely be tempered slightly by the fact that you don't know them?

I was really sad that a 36 year old woman died in an RTA, leaving 2 sons behind in 1997 but I didn't know her, so I didn't feel a personal sense of grief, I just felt a sense of sadness at the loss of a mother to 2 boys.

When a very close friend died at a similar age after a gruelling battle with cancer, I felt personal grief. She was lost to me & I grieved for her and the family she left behind. I grieved in a similar way following the death of one of my parents.

I think there has to be some kind of differentiation and an ability to distinguish between the loss of others, which you can empathise with & maybe be able to help in some way & your own loss.

I cry very easily, but I wish I didn't! I'm a dyed in the wool Republican, and was 12 when Diana died, but had to lock myself in my gran's toilet because I didn't want anyone to see me crying. I think it was the music, and her children that did it. And I cried when Michael Jackson's funeral was on TV. DH couldn't believe his eyes.

I've stopped watching Corrie because of the current Hayley storyline. I have cried every time I've watched a Hayley death-related episode. Every time. I wish I was made of sterner stuff!

I just can't imagine someone criticising somebody for writing a status about how upset they are when somebody they know had died
People who write statuses about how upset they are about people they don't know are being criticised and judged harshly in this thread

But why do they have to share it on social media?

The sort that share these things are usually the sort who want to make it all about how awful they feel and not about the actual tragedy.

I do know people like this. The ex mil is one as is my exh.

I don't think anybody has the right to judge people for this! You have no idea how terrible the people could be feeling
Would you criticize somebody for sharing something about how upset they are that a family member had died?
People express their feelings in different ways, there is no one size fits all. It really isn't for you or anybody else to judge and to do so can be very damaging.

Its not a question of being a blubber or more practical.

I, like Lucy, who has become the standard bearer of the lachrymose do cry when reading the news etc, etc, quietly though and not heaving or breast beating but just tears in the old eyes and can't speak.

It's when people appropriate others grief as their own that its uncomfortable and wrong. And when they put it on Facebook.

Really?

When my ex proclaims his grief as being so much more than mine when my own mother died suddenly, I'll judge him. If there had been fb then, I'm pretty sure it would have been his status.

When his mother calls me a heartless bitch for not crying when Diana died and then buys every magazine with all the gory pictures in, like some mawkish grief vampire, I'll judge that too.

Yes, express your grief as you wish but don't do it as a means to get 'aw hun x's. And I'm not talking about personal grief when a close friend or relative dies - I'm talking about news items.

t's when people appropriate others grief as their own that its uncomfortable and wrong. And when they put it on Facebook.

that

I am a blubber and yes I have been upset with a lot of the news but I don't need to be publicily hysterical about things and tell the world how it has affected me

YouTheCat, I haven't read anywhere on this thread anything about people saying their grief is more than other peoples.
Who is to decide what personal grief is? Or who the grief belongs to? I'm not talking about people like your ex, I'm talking about people who simply state that they are really upset about something
Just because something is on the news, it has still happened to human beings so I think everybody has the RIGHT to be upset and it is not for anybody to judge! Just as someone has the right not to be upset.

I don't understand all this stuff I have read on mumsnet about just keeping things to yourself, don't put it on social media etc. I don't think it's up to any of you or anyone else to decide how people express their emotions

Anniegetyourgun, I can comment on things without them being about me or about things that I personally do.

Yes, proclaim it is upsetting/sad - no problem, but I'm talking about those saying 'shaking with tears' as a means to garner sympathy.

And I have seen it.

YouTheCat, you have no idea if they are posting it to get sympathy! They could simply be expressing their emotions, if they're shaking in tears then surely it's better for them to try and share it instead of bottling it up inside?

I cry easily at others suffering but am very private about it and tend to avoid the more heartrending stories in the papers and news, especially involving children - so avoid the likes of Comic Relief and Children In Need. I don't know why as I tend to be quite stoic when shit happens in real life and can have a face of stone. Maybe it's a release of some kind.

Hate mawkish sentimentality though - the whole public grieving thing and all the 'sad' crap posted n the lies of FB.

Why do they have to post it on fb though? Other than getting sympathy and many 'huns xx', I can think of no reason whatsoever.

I have no problem with people expressing their emotions in private.

I just genuinely don't understand the mindset.

I mean, when something sad happens then the natural human reaction is to feel sad. Why do they feel the need to compete over who gets to be the most upset? It baffles me.

Thousands of people have died in the Philippines, thousands more are suffering horribly. Being sad about that doesn't make you a special fricking snowflake, it makes you a normal human being.

It usually starts with a run-of-the-mill 'gosh, it's upsetting isn't it?' Then inevitably it escalates to 'well I'm crying', 'well I'm sobbing', 'well I'm shaking', 'we'll I'm shaking and crying', 'well I've been shaking, crying and sobbing for hours', 'well I've been keening and wailing since yesterday', 'well I shat myself with grief' etc. etc.

It's narcissistic nonsense is what it is.

YouTheCat, it isn't for you to know... it is their choice and I don't think they have to answer to you. They could be expressing their emotions! Would you rather they bottled it up inside?
And what about people who have lost a family member, would you criticise them for expressing their emotions publicly? Who decides what is worthy of grief and what isn't?
People aren't always thinking logicically when they're upset. I think you are judging people very harshly and unfairly
People deal with things in different ways!

I cannot stand the assumption that everything is done to show off or to get a certain reaction.

It may be their choice to post it, but it's my choice to judge them.