to not weep at international & other tragedies?

[CogitoErgoSometimes]

I get that what's happened in the Philippines is a terrible thing or that it's shocking when children are starved to death by parents etc. But I don't understand why others get so emotionally involved to the point of 'weeping'. How do they get through the day if they find all these things to which they are not directly connected so physically distressing? How do they get to the end of a newspaper? There's always something tragic happening somewhere after all. Anyone else save their emotions for problems closer to home or am I just a hard-hearted Hannah? AIBU for not sobbing?

Anything even remotely sad turns me into a blubbering wreck. It's so embarassing, I cope by staying well away from newspapers, news footage and everything my mum links to me on facebook.

@ dream

I agree to a point, I often find though that awareness campaigns demand action from governments without actually defining what that action should be and thats where it falls down. Its all very well getting 10 million hits on some you tube viral campaign (think of the General Kony Lord Resistance Army one) but what happened? Fuck all. Lots of people rallied around the campaign for a few months, millions of likes on facebook, lots of hand wringing and calls for action, but once the media frenzy had died down and the D rate celebs had moved on to their next charadee interest nothing had changed. General Kony was still at large, he was still using child soldiers and the main African government stakeholders in the region just carried on as before. But hey, those millions of people who clicked ‘like’ get feel good about themselves.

In contrast, I gave money to the Syrian campaign as they had a very simple message that offered practical assistance. The actor James Nesbit presented a 30 second advert that pretty much equated to: x amount of money allows us to do this (water/shelter/food/education) for one month. All you had to do was send a text from the comfort of your living room, job done.

I am good at crying. About my own problems or frustrations. I am an emotional person.
But I don't cry, seem not THAT bothered by world events, hurricanes, famines, deaths and floods etc.

Wow - poor lucy! Come one guys - we have all had days when we have been at the end of our rope and something trivial can be the thing that opens the flood gates, for me, that is generally how it is. Actually, i think its healthy to cry and its cathartic - sometimes i think its safe to cry at non personal tragedy or even a sad film, its an outlet. When I had to pts my dogs i was incosolable, i think i must have cried for hours but it was safe to do this - i didn't cry when my father passed away, i couldn't, i do occasionally cry over him but i can't allow myself to do that - becaue i don't think i would ever stop. Does that make sense?

*Inconsolable

Yes, sometimes something really silly will set you off, particularly if there is something else niggling at you that you've been trying to keep a lid on. No disgrace in that, but I absolutely agree about the "competitive grief" thing.

I had a colleague who took a day off after the London bus bombing due to distress. She had not been on the bus, she never travelled on the bus and didn't know anyone who did. But, you know, it was really upsetting because people got killed Yes, it was really upsetting and I would be a hard-nosed bitch indeed if I didn't care that people got killed, but there was no reason to take it personally. Conversely, my sister was on one end of a train the other end of which got bombed and although she did understandably take that one personally, she still went to work, as one does.

Some news just hits my soft spot for some reason and I find myself getting a bit prickly-eyed. However when I have a good howl about something that isn't anything to do with me it generally means I'm sickening for something.

lucy are you me? I cry at anything, I am a verititable bucket of overflowing tears sometimes for no real reason at all, I over think and imagine myself in the situation or imagine how the person / people in the tragedy must feel and off I go. I am embarrassed by it, try to hide it and never draw attention to myself tbh I wish i could just ignore stuff and not overthink,

Cheers dreaming LEMisafucker ! To clarify, I get a bit lip-wobbly at seeing human suffering on the news, have since I was very young and upset at reports from the Bosnian conflict/Northern Ireland. There is also a range of pointless frustrating nonsense that has set me off. My bad. I rarely cry in front of others, although at my granny's funeral I broke down a bit. I am am in the Crying Closet, so to speak.

I do not advertise this publicly/take days off/make people make me tea/share pointless links online. Just to be clear. As you were.

but you can StepAway - you are in control of what you think about.

I know that if I imagined myself in every horrific situation, I'd be an emotional wreck too but I don't let myself do that.

Sometimes, it is very, very, very hard to try and control your own grief, but I hope that is in very raw situations where you really do need to let it out.

Most of the time, we should be able to exert some kind of control over our thoughts - shouldn't we?

Each to their own. I weep at Educating Essex.

This is a genuine question, not a dig at any of the weepers.
How do your children react when you cry at things? Do they cry too? Do they ignore you? Do they get confused?

I have come to join the emotionally disconnected fruit-loops. Is there a badge?

My ex mil cries at all these things and she does it to make people feel sympathy for her - it really is nothing to do with the sadness of an event as far as she is concerned.

SilverApples

I used to cry lots as a child (sad films, books etc) and my family weren't sympathetic - sometimes would take the piss.

So now, as an adult, I tend to hide it when I get emotional. Just easier that way.

I've taught in some very tough areas, if I broke down and sobbed every time then I wouldn't be able to do anything to change what is happening, or alter the future for those children.
I have a child on the spectrum, now an adult. If I lost control, then he would go ballistic because he couldn't understand what was wrong, would panic and then his panic and rage would explode.
So perhaps the control I've always had over my feelings has been reinforced by other, external factors. Which is why I wanted to know how others around you, especially your children, cope with all the emoting and tears.

I cried at 'Lassie Come Home' when I was 6.

CuChullain I agree the Kony campaign was absurd, but then the whole aim was absurd -- to catch a guerrilla commander who's been successfully on the run for a couple decades. That goes beyond the limits of public awareness and advocacy.

But contrast that with all the work done in the area of blood diamonds and conflict minerals. That had a specific aim, to get governments to enact policies and laws to limit the trade in these things. And they've had some good successes, which I think is entirely due to public awareness and NGO advocacy rather than governments and corporations doing anything out of the goodness of their own hearts.

And why do people care about coltan in the DRC? Because it was successfully linked to people's suffering from conflict. Because people were sad that people were dying over the stuff in our mobiles and laptops. Without that empathy to draw upon, no progress would have been made. And that wasn't a problem that could be addressed by people donating a few quid.

Most of the time, we should be able to exert some kind of control over our thoughts - shouldn't we? you are right of course, I will try harder
How do your children react when you cry at things? Do they cry too? Do they ignore you? Do they get confused? they are teens now and just roll eyes and say' mums off again... soppy mare' funnily enough I can't remember being like it when they were younger, must have too much time on my hands or something.

I don't cry at the news, it makes me feel very sad that other people have to go through such awful things but I don't weep.

Show me a baby being born on TV and I literally cry every time. I could be smiling and laughing and then out comes the baby and bang come the tears. I didn't cry when my children were born though.

Everyone has different thresholds.

The Diana thing is different. It's almost people choosing to react in a particular way, to be part of something big.

But some people are affected by big disasters, and some by individual stories. I very, very rarely cry, but I get a lump in my throat and prickly eyes about some things on the news or on the internet. It's usually more about something good in the middle of something bad, rather than straightforward sadness, if that makes sense. So that story about the WW2 vet who died with no-one to come to his funeral made me sad, but I had a bit of a sniffle when I saw the footage of all the serving forces people, and local teenagers who turned up at the funeral.

I've once had a proper cry about something on here, and that was an individual loss.

I cry very easily. I don't like others to know though, so I am quite good at hiding it.

When Diana died I thought it was very sad, in the same way I find it sad when any parent with young children dies. I can't understand the people who lined the route on the day of the funeral though.

@ dream

I hate to be completely cynical about this but even when people are made aware of a particular link between an everyday consumer product and human/animal misery on the otherside of the world they still carry on regardless with at best a pang of guilt in the back of their mind that is soon forgotten. Rare metals are still being mined in central Africa to fuel the electronics boom, it is still very much a case of out of sight out of mind, given the choice between the latest Samsung/iphone or some non cool ethically sound device people will vote for the former, same with cheap clothes made in Bangladeshi sweathouses, cheap diamonds not recognised by the Kimberly agreement (which is abused masively in the far East), cosmetics that have been tested on animals, how many people pay an extra few quid on their airfare to some tree planting charity.....not many I wager. It reminds me also of Hugh Fernley Whittenshall (sp?) campaign for ethically farmed chicken, that had the backing of a dedicated TV documentary, a few MPs and some other celeb chefs, all very noble and the debate was for a few months in our living rooms, but Delia Smith was on the money when she responded that if you are single parent with three kids to feed are you going to buy the £4 whole chicken or the small organic bird for £12. And to cap it all if a certain issue does have 'drama' it is not going to get picked up by any main media/news outlets as it is too boring. Tens of thousands die every year in sub saharan africa from famine and preventable diseases, no international aid efforts there, they had Band Aid 20 odd years ago and that is their lot. Killer Tsunamis and trapped miners in Chilie is dramatic and demands action, just the way it is, we are a selfish species.

I just thought it was all horrible rubber necking and those young lads should have been able to grieve without the world and his wife watching.

Yes, it was big news and a terribly tragic accident but I call bollocks on anyone saying 'but think of those boys' who also bought every bloody stupid rag that published pictures of their mother to satisfy their own morbid curiosity.

At my best friend's husband's funeral (I had been very close to both of them for almost thirty years) who died in a horribly tragic accident far too young, leaving her with three kids under five, I didn't cry from the moment I heard he had died right through his funeral. He was buried in a graveyard very near to a university which has their accommodation just behind the cemetery, and there are always groups of students going past at all hours. As the priest said the prayers after his coffin had been lowered into the ground, I looked up and saw a young woman, probably only about eighteen or nineteen, go past outside the gates of the graveyard in a beautiful bright red coat. She looked up at the scene, bowed her head and made the sign of the cross, then just carried on walking as she had been. I wept buckets at that. Every time I see someone wearing a red coat I get a bit funny just thinking about it, that a total stranger appreciated the situation and had the respect to privately show their own emotion. It was pure coincidence that I saw her do it. Different things just hit different people harder. I don't think you're being unreasonable not to cry, but I don't think it's unreasonable for others to cry if that's how something takes them, regardless of what it is.

It's things like Dunblane, and when all the children were held in the Russian gym,and the shootings at the US elementary school that affect me enormously.

I cannot deal with the thought of childrens' terror.

Makes me well up just to think of it.

CuChullain , you said if a certain issue doesn't have 'drama' it is not going to get picked up by any main media/news outlets as it is too boring.
That reminded me of Princess Anne decades ago.
I'm not a royal watcher, but she impressed me when she was in Africa for some reason or other, and was surrounded by the word's media.
She then announced that she was going to an area that was both dangerous and famine-struck, with roving gangs of militia. When she was asked why, she said that she could ask the media to go and report, and that one in a thousand would do so, but if she went, they would follow for the photo opportunities and sound bites and she could make them see and publicise what was going on.
And she did, and the press did as she expected them to.