AIBU to expect not to be blocked from my ex's facebook?

[Blockedededed]

Ok back ground. ExDP, we get on great (?!) we have two children. I was friends with him on fb before he blocked me a few months back a few weeks before we broke up. Im friends with his mum, brothers, sil on fb because they asked 'friended' (cringe) me and they are nice and why would I say no? I was in a relationship with their son/brother/bil at the time.

Exdp moved out, but hasnt yet found a place, he see's the kids at mine a couple of times a week.

He went away for work last week for a few weeks.

His family are linking him in comments involving me, to me, on my statuses, except it doesnt work so Im left explaining that he has deleted and blocked me (fucking big cringe). All he while he has no idea the conversation is happening and he is oblivious.

I cant be arsed to go into detail but I was made to look like an insensitive arse today for commenting (innocently!) on a friends status, but ex had previously posted on. Hard to explain but I ended up looking like an insensitive bastard, all because I couldnt SEE exDP's post.

Aibu to think this 45 year old man shoud fucking unBLOCK me?!

Its pathetic, no? Ive asked tonight. I said why, all the reasons above.

Nothing in return. Still blocked.

Not fb friends, fine. But to be blocked?

TBH most of your posts read that way.

No they don't.

I understand that you don't want to upset his family by unfriending them because they are still your children's family.

I understand that you don't want to be FB friends with your ex or be involved in his private life other than that which involves the children. You don't feel bitter or rejected and you aren't trying to stalk him.

I understand that the fact that he has blocked, rather than unfriended you, means that you don't know if he has posted on a mutual friend's thread before you. This means that, if you post on a thread, you could, without realising, say something which appears to be rude, argumentative or insensitive. If this does happen you must rely on others to tell you as you will be oblivious to the existence of his post and therefore do not know that you need to explain your inability to see it.

I think you need to explain this to his family face to face when they visit and ask them what they feel the solution is. You could suggest that you defriend them all and communicate by regular emails instead or that they speak to your ex and ask him to reconsider.

This is a difficult one. FB can cause all sorts of upset and I think the posters who have said walk away from FB contact are probably right. FB is good when relationships are relaxed and you want a casual way to keep in touch. Once the relationships become more complicated and the stakes are higher, you're probably better finding a more controlled and controllable way to communicate with each other.

If your ex wants to say something on someone's wall, he has a right to without you seeing it.

He does not want to see anything you write on anyone's wall.

Yes, it might cause some embarassment but it also allows a relationship to move on and creates an important degree of separation.

If he needs to tell you something you need to know, you can talk. Thats's what I do with my ex. There are plenty of things we don't know about each others lives because they are none of my business.

What he writes about on FB is none of your business. And vice versa.

I don't think you need to de friend his family, they are separate from him. If they ask or if it comes up just say he blocked you, I don't think it is a big deal.

It sounds as if he needs some space from you online at the moment. Try not to let it affect how you deal with him in real life :)

That was unecesarily agreesive soupdragon.

I do explain. All the time.

Its always 'Er the link doesnt work because he blocked me'

Loads of people asking 'omg he blocked you?! Why?!'

Errr I dunno??

I feel really stupid.

I need to clarify that I do not want nor need nor have any urge to have him on facebook. I just feel as though he has done the blocking whilst Im doing the explaining. Which makes me feel uncomfortable.

As for whoever told me I was over reacting - how exactly? How have I reacted? Im genuinely looking forward to hearing the answer to this. and I let him know this did I? Did I say I had? Or mention that I had? He is oblivious. Which I have stated a few times.

Goldmandra thank you!!

OP it sounds like it's more about your perception of what people think than actually the blocking by your ex that is bothering you.

You have no reason to "feel really stupid" because of the actions of someone else - and tbh, if the questioning and behaviour of your friends/family leave you to feeling stupid, then perhaps it's time for some new friends?

Who would question why an ex has blocked you?

Because he's your ex. You have separate lives. You've moved on. He has his own life. It's separate to yours.

It's not rocket science why an ex does not want to know what another ex is doing. It's called closure.

Yes you are right. When he blocked me to begin with I was shocked for about 5 minutes and cross for about 2. Mainly because he was sat at my dinner table eating food Id bought and cooked for him whilst he was visiting the kids. I felt like I didnt deserve it, but then I stopped giving a crap because it had no effect on my life.

But yes, it very much bothers me what his family think. I worry they will wonder wtf I did to their son that warranted him to block me.

I look equally stupid because as far as his parents are concerned we are actually still together. he hasnt had to balls to tell them and I feel its not my job.

Op you are overreacting. You are still going on about what other people think the omg he blocked you thing is bloody immature on your friends part and you need to just shrug it all off qndcstop worrying over explaining. Ask him you tell them, job done.

That includes to your ex, don't bother asking and trying to explain why this is annoying for you because either he is enjoying yiu getting wound up or he just wants clear segregation of you in his life. Either way just go with it.

Change your privacy settings. If he wants boundaries then you give them to him by never bothering to talk about the blocking and fb again qnd if he likes the wind up then you have stolen away hisvfun. Either way you win.

You mean his parents don't know you've separated?

That's something he needs to do. And not on FB.

I worry they will wonder wtf I did to their son that warranted him to block me.

That's probably because when we don't want to know what's going on in someone else's life or have them involved in ours we defriend them.

Blocking people is usually a response to abuse, stalking or other very unreasonable behaviour and indicates that the blocker feels they need to be protected from anything that person may have to say on anyone's status.

The ex's decision to block her isn't reflected in how they relate to each other in RL.

I'm out - way too weird - and you think this is simplistic? You live a damn complicated life, if so!

I don't think you look stupid because I think that people might naturally accept that someone might block their ex. Not necessarily out of spite or to be unkind but just because it is a sort of boundary that they feel more comfortable with. I think I would just say "I guess he wants to keep that part of his life private which is fine". I think his family/friends would get that. Pity the poor poster whose family are such good friends with her ex they hosted him and his new DW on their honeymoon!!!! There's remaining on good terms and then there's that!

And your last post makes it look more like he is playing games qnd confusing everyone who thinks you qrevtogether. Just do the ask him, stop people tagging you qnd step away from fb for awhile. It sound like he is being an arse. Personally I'd change my status to single, block him and take q fb break

I should add, and Id forgotten about this, that when we were together he was extremely reluctant to be fb friends with me in the first place.

Which is very odd indeed.

He barely uses facebook.

I need a break from fb?

You make it sound like Im fb obsessed. I assure you, I am not.

Just for you OP...

mia4

I really want to fix your keyboard

You need a break from fb because of this situation if you aren't on it people can't omg you and tags can't affect you.

Im am possibly the worlds most transparent name changer in the history of mumsnet arent I?

Or can you just see through me like water Fleur?

I cant see that link though, not available on mobile devices.

Facebook is such a waste of time and headspace. No one else cares, OP. It's a drama in your head about nothing.

Your ex sounds an arsehole who's hit upon a very simple and effortless way of winding you up.

Stop cooking for the prat already.

Orlando tell me about it. Touch screen phone is too small for my fingers

Probably Maltersers.

I agree change to single and block him yourself. If his family ask about it, tell them the truth. Don't be embarrassed, he is the one being childish about it all.

Fwiw i dont think YABU to be annoyed by it, i fucking would be.
But YAProbablyBU to let him know you are annoyed. Play it cool sista!

"I look equally stupid because as far as his parents are concerned we are actually still together. confused he hasn't had to balls to tell them and I feel its not my job."

I think we've identified the problem....

It makes sense now why this is stressing you! Presumably you've told him that this is causing his blocking to embarrass to you (and I can totally see why) - what did he say to that? If he won't tell them, maybe you should do it - yes it's not his job, but as he won't grow a spine he's making it your job, as it's now causing things to reflect badly on you re FB.... plus, I wouldn't feel too bothered about the finer feelings of someone who laughs when I tell them their actions are making me feel bad, tbh.