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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to expect not to be blocked from my ex's facebook?

137 replies

Blockedededed · 17/11/2013 18:45

Ok back ground. ExDP, we get on great (?!) we have two children. I was friends with him on fb before he blocked me a few months back a few weeks before we broke up. Im friends with his mum, brothers, sil on fb because they asked 'friended' (cringe) me and they are nice and why would I say no? I was in a relationship with their son/brother/bil at the time.

Exdp moved out, but hasnt yet found a place, he see's the kids at mine a couple of times a week.

He went away for work last week for a few weeks.

His family are linking him in comments involving me, to me, on my statuses, except it doesnt work so Im left explaining that he has deleted and blocked me (fucking big cringe). All he while he has no idea the conversation is happening and he is oblivious.

I cant be arsed to go into detail but I was made to look like an insensitive arse today for commenting (innocently!) on a friends status, but ex had previously posted on. Hard to explain but I ended up looking like an insensitive bastard, all because I couldnt SEE exDP's post.

Aibu to think this 45 year old man shoud fucking unBLOCK me?!

Its pathetic, no? Ive asked tonight. I said why, all the reasons above.

Nothing in return. Still blocked.

Not fb friends, fine. But to be blocked?

OP posts:
mumandboys123 · 17/11/2013 20:18

my ex is blocked on acebook and I make no apologies for it. He walked out of my life, he lied, he cheated, he behaved very badly. 'Friends' don't behave like that, in my opinion. I don't want him having access to anything I'm up to, my life in general....anything. It's none of his business. I want to be able to say what I want, when I want, to whoever I want. I want my relationships to be about my friends, my family and myself - friendships, romantic, professional....what has any of that got to do with my ex? And for good measure, I have blocked his family and closest friends. That part of my life is over, those people treated me very badly but even if they hadn't, I don't think I would want them having access to the life I have now. It's just to weird.

mumandboys123 · 17/11/2013 20:19
  • too wierd
Original poster
Blockedededed · 17/11/2013 20:22

Sorry to hear that Mum, he sounds like a dick Sad. i assure you I a, no such dick, he is at my house 3 times a week seeing our babies, we are good friends (!!!) I get on great with his family etc etc.

Which makes the blocking all the more odd.

need read the thread.

OP posts:
Weedling · 17/11/2013 20:23

Some people need to RTFT

Mintyy · 17/11/2013 20:25

Perhaps your thread title needs amending or something because I still don't understand what you are getting at.

As an aside, Fairylea, how many exes do you have? Shock

Fairylea · 17/11/2013 20:30

Haha :) well there's been only 2 long term ones (one dds dad, one my ex husband) but even old boyfriends I wouldnt have on Facebook (6 old boyfriends).

But maybe I am a bit biased because my ex dh left me for an old ex of his he found through Facebook so I'm hardly Facebooks biggest fan! (Said with humour... obviously we had other issues too, it was some years ago now).

Fairylea · 17/11/2013 20:30

Haha :) well there's been only 2 long term ones (one dds dad, one my ex husband) but even old boyfriends I wouldnt have on Facebook (6 old boyfriends).

But maybe I am a bit biased because my ex dh left me for an old ex of his he found through Facebook so I'm hardly Facebooks biggest fan! (Said with humour... obviously we had other issues too, it was some years ago now).

Mumpiring · 17/11/2013 20:31

Whoah.

You asked if you were being unreasonable. I think you are being unreasonable and way too wound up about something so meaningless. It's not like you've just discovered your current husband has blocked you on fb! that would be something to ponder alright. But don't "ffs Hmm " me because you asked people if they thought that you were being unreasonable, and they then replied, I wasn't rude or unkind!

I've been through this shit! I have the t-shirt. Honestly, {hand on heart} if I somehow discovered that my x had blocked me on fb, I would just chuckle. I'd picture him hoping I noticed six years ago.

allnewtaketwo · 17/11/2013 20:32

If your ex's family think that you unfriending them on FB makes you look like a c*, then they sound rather odd and have somehow confused an Internet site for something important. It sounds like a conversation teenage girls would have tbh

Viviennemary · 17/11/2013 20:36

Don't have any of his family as your friends. That would be the easiest thing to do. I can't see the attraction of FB. It causes so much anguish and trouble.

Whocansay · 17/11/2013 20:37

Maybe he doesn't think you are 'good friends'? I seems to me as if he tolerates you for the sake of the children, but doesn't want you in his life. Whether or not you get on with his family is irrelevant. He might not like that you do.

I don't understand why you find it embarrassing telling people that he's blocked you? It's a statement of fact, and expected from an ex partner.

Whocansay · 17/11/2013 20:38

IT seems to me... Blush

womblesofwestminster · 17/11/2013 20:42

Folks, can someone explain how blocking is different from unfriending?

DifferenceEngine · 17/11/2013 20:44

Something similar happens with me. I don't friend anyone at work, and usuallu block any that try but I am friends with someone who knows someone I work with.

I get these wired partial conversations.

So I do get what's going on. Can you tell the relatives you are having a break from FB and deactivate for a while. how tied up with your social life is FB use? could you actually take a break from it, let it all blow over?

I'd struggle, because I use it to keep in touch with people, I don't text, I don't even have people's numbers anymore. But I think in your situation I would drop it for a bit. Get a bit of virtual distance but explain you are still RL friends and they ar welcome to txt or call you.

Rockinhippy · 17/11/2013 20:45

if it bothers you this much & you don't have the gumption just to speak up & be honest, just tell them all you are fed up with facebook -

stay off it for a while & then if you must go back on it - block them all - that way none of them see you

& blocking DOES work - I've a long list Grin - not always people I've fallen out with per se, just people whose facebook persona got on my tits, but are okay if I see them in RL - laying low for a while, then blocking them has worked just fine for me

& I do still think YABU & I understand it perfectly - big drama about nothing really - sorry if thats not what you wanted to hear, but you did askConfused

Fairylea · 17/11/2013 20:46

Blocking means you do not exist to each other on Facebook. So you cannot see each other in a search or even any comments they post on mutual friends statuses etc.

Unfriending means they arent your friend but you can still see their name photo etc ... just as you would with anyone else on Facebook youre not friends with. You see whatever their profile is set to via their privacy settings. And you can see comments they post on mutual friends statuses etc.

ginmakesitallok · 17/11/2013 20:49

I think yabu too. My dB has a mad ex ( not that you are necessarily a mad ex!) who kicked off something rotten when he blocked her on Facebook, and again when I unfriended her. She pops up every now and again in other families Fab, but we all do our best to ignore her. Facebook is for friend, not exes.

OrlandoWoolf · 17/11/2013 20:49

There are some things you don't want to know and blocking means they don't exist. My ex came up on a friends you might know thing. I get on with my ex but they have their own life. We have mutual friends but by blocking, my ex is out of my virtual life.

DifferenceEngine · 17/11/2013 20:50

womble if you aren't friends you don't get to look at their profile or see any updates they post. If someone blocks you then you can't even see what they have commented on someone else's status

So jim ( your friend) could put ' I love cheese ' as his status

Bob who has blocked you says ' bugger off bob cheese is shite'

Mary, sue and Charlie all wade in to defend Jim. You would be able to see what bob wrote, you could read what Mary, Sue and Charlie wrote. BUT you would have no idea what or who made the whole thing kick off like that.

If you don't even realise you are blocked it can be very confusing.

Rockinhippy · 17/11/2013 20:50

@ womble

unfriending = you delete a friend - you can still see their comments on mutual friends posts or photos & vice versa

Blocking = you add the persons name to a "blocked" list & from there onwards they cannot see you at all, in any form & vice vera - sort of virtual invisibility cloak Grin -

it can be very useful if you either..
a - don't want someone to know your actions or whereabouts
b - dont really want to offend someone by "defreinding" but regret adding them to your friends list

DifferenceEngine · 17/11/2013 20:51

Sorry that should read you could see what Jim, Mary, charlie and Sue said

But not what bob said.

( must keep track of my made up names)

Original poster
Blockedededed · 17/11/2013 20:52

Rocking thats a good idea

But blocking only works if they havent blocked you first. I too have a lengthy block list.

As for this "well there's been only 2 long term ones (one dds dad, one my ex husband) but even old boyfriends I wouldnt have on Facebook (6old boyfriends).

OP posts:
Original poster
Blockedededed · 17/11/2013 20:53

Oh epic quote and fail.

I read it as '6 year old boyfriends' which, by the way, seriously tested my pelvic floor.

OP posts:
AliceinWonderhell · 17/11/2013 20:53

It's incredibly painful for me, even now, to know that my parents and other family members are RL 'friends' with my exH.

Like you, both my ex (and my family members) believe that they are 'family' and that doesn't end just because he and I are split. But it hurts. A lot.

I have done the RL equivalent of 'blocking' them on FB - I am estranged from my parents (who hosted my ex and his DW on their honeymoon).

Perhaps the pain of his families perceived betrayal is the reason you are blocked?

Original poster
Blockedededed · 17/11/2013 20:55

Er, tested my pelvic floor in that it made me laugh til I nearly weed.

Nothing dodgy.

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