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Fucking fizzing after children's party.

999 replies

SugarHut · 17/11/2013 16:14

Ok...this will probably be quite ranty as I've literally just walked through the door. DS until this September was at a super naice private school, started age 3.5, now age 5.5. Impeccably behaved. Had his own birthday parties and the children were a delight to have, been to all of the other children's parties both with me present and without, never ever had a problem..with him, or any other child. The school then jacked up it's fees, and an astonishing amount of children left, resulting in DS being the only child in his year. I didn't see this as a suitable social environment, so took him out and put him in a pretty good local village primary. Since September, he's been involved in a number of fights...and he always gets the bad press, because other children have "started" on him for being the new boy, and DS is quite a strong little tike, and tends to "finish" things. Which I have drummed into him is not the correct behaviour, but (and not being snobby, just factual) some of these children at this school are just badly behaved fighty oiks who pick on/hit DS then go sobbing crocodile tears because they get a bigger punch back. DS and I have never encountered children like this before, and quite frankly, he's doing his best to just run off and tell and adult every time, but realistically, he's a 5yr old boy, and sometimes he inevitably will just windmill back.

So, I take him to his first party at from this new school. The mother is lovely, very welcoming. There are only about 8 other boys there. All other parents have left their DS there, apart from one, the mother of "Fred" who has stayed. My parents live about 45 seconds from the party venue, so I leave DS and my number, saying that if there's any problems (as he's not socialised out of school with any of them yet), I'm literally right there. I pick him up 2 hours later. He's crying, someone has punched him and he's fallen off the bouncy castle. I'm quite no nonsense, had a quick look at him, he was fine, told him "chin up" and he stopped his fuss, he was more just tired. The mother of the party boy said thank you for coming that he had been fine, DS and the party boy shook hands which was super sweet, DS went round saying bye to everyone. As I leave "Fred's" mother comes up to me. "Just so you know, he's been terribly behaved." Then stands there waiting for my reaction. "Er, has he?" "Yes" Waits for more reaction. "Ok, sorry about that?" "He's been punching, kicking, we've had to pull him off loads of children." "Oh my god!!! Really??" "Yes." Stands there again. "Um, I'll speak to him when we get home" She then pulls a face at me like she's the Queen. I left. On quizzing DS, as per usual, they had been playing rough and tumble type games, and generally "battling" and "Fred" had hit DS a number of times, DS had then put him in his place so to speak, and Fred's mother had hauled my DS off, sat him down and told him he wasn't allowed back on the bouncy castle until she said. I then discover it was Fred that punched DS in the head causing him to fall off the bouncy castle. DS doesn't lie...he is honest to a fault. He openly admits that he punched back. "But they kept battling me Mummy!!" He said that Freds' mother was basically just on his case the entire time, telling him he was a badly behaved little boy, and lots of "you never EVER do that again" and Fred didn't get told off at all.

I'm fuming. I know I should have stayed, but I didn't want to look all precious. I know I need to calm down. Do I speak to the party boy's mother on Monday and ask how DS actually was, or just go straight to this woman and tell her that she "never EVER" speaks to my fucking DS like that again. Or do I leave it. Sorry for this being so long. Didn't want to drip feed.

OP posts:
picnicbasketcase · 17/11/2013 16:41

I think the 'shit parent with an equal shit of a child' referred to what the other parent implied the OP was, rather than what the OP is calling anyone.

BroodyTroody · 17/11/2013 16:41

Bit of a deviation from the thread I know, but what does Biscuit mean please?! I've been trying to figure it out and it's driving me nuts!

Salmotrutta · 17/11/2013 16:42

Well if you weren't there to tell him off someone had to OP.

beanandspud · 17/11/2013 16:42

I would be making an appointment to speak to his teacher this week to establish exactly what is going on at school. If his behaviour is poor at school you need to be working together to manage it. If it is a problem linked with new school and new friends it would be helpful to have support to improve the situation.

Forget about who else is/isn't well behaved/violent - it's the behaviour of your child that is important.

Parties don't always bring out the best in 5yr old boys. FWIW I'd be apologising to the Party Mum saying that I hear things got a bit out of hand, that he's been finding it hard to settle at school and with hindsight I probably should have stayed.

cocolepew · 17/11/2013 16:42

Maybe the "boys that fight" are fighting back? Maybe your DS hit before but never had anyone stand up to him.

Floggingmolly · 17/11/2013 16:42

Not when I'm 45 seconds away. Why were you 45 seconds away? Why weren't you there, when apparently all the other mums, whose children actually know each other, were?

BettyBotter · 17/11/2013 16:42

I have 2 oiks state-educated dss who are now teens. Neither have ever been in a fight. Neither have ever punched or been punched by anybody in the face. Neither have ever been reported as being naughty at a party. Nor have 98% of all their friends.

I suggest that you adjust your expectations of oiks state-educated dcs and ensure your ds develops a more effective and less aggressive method of responding to antagonism. You are not helping your ds by assuming that this is in any way normal, either on the part of the oiks or on the part of your ds's retaliation.

diagnosticnomansland · 17/11/2013 16:43

It means you're unimpressed with the OP.

Salmotrutta · 17/11/2013 16:43

It means "no comment" Troody

madwomanintheatt1c · 17/11/2013 16:43

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MistAllChuckingFrighty · 17/11/2013 16:43

Biscuit literally means "so what"

FortyDoorsToNowhere · 17/11/2013 16:43

Are you sure he isn't acting out. It seems a lot for your DS to have to go through losing all his little friends, his teachers and starting another school new friends to make, new routines ect.

HairyGrotter · 17/11/2013 16:44

I'm inclined to suggest looking at your behaviour, OP...why is your boy so bullish and oik like?

cocolepew · 17/11/2013 16:44

Ohh xpost, this is moving fast Shock

madwomanintheatt1c · 17/11/2013 16:44

See, oiks are so dreadful my iPad autocorrects so I don't have to deal with them... Wink

tracypenisbeaker · 17/11/2013 16:44

I'm not going to pile in and attack your choice of wording. I'm sure it will go on long enough without me.

Have you maybe thought of trying to find ways of teaching your son some techniques re coping with anger/ alternatives to retaliating in a violent way? Of course, he won't necessarily be responsible for initiating every scuffle- it happens in the playground- but perhaps teaching him that the way he deals with it afterwards is CRUCIAL. He can't just go around punching other kids 'square in the face.' The real world won't tolerate it and let him off when he is older.

ClaimedByMe · 17/11/2013 16:45

Groups of young boys fight and play fighting games that get out of hand, my ds is now 8 and is starting to grow out of it, at age 5 I would not have left him alone at a party with similar aged boys as I know they all fight, it might not start as a fight but it usually ends as a fight!

cocolepew · 17/11/2013 16:46

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JoinYourPlayfellows · 17/11/2013 16:47

I think it was way out of order for a mother at a party who wasn't the mother hosting the party to have acted the way your son says this mother acted.

It's totally normal to leave 5 years olds at a party.

I would speak to the mother whose party it was and ask her what had gone on because your son was very upset afterwards and you had presumed, since you were not called back, that everything was fine.

If your son was being a shit and needed to be disciplined, she should have called you.

Pulling a child off a bouncy castle and speaking to them the way this woman did is not OK.

Salmotrutta · 17/11/2013 16:47

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xCupidStuntx · 17/11/2013 16:47

I'd say he was as badly behaved in the private school but they didn't make such a big deal of it because you were lining their pockets.

jamdonut · 17/11/2013 16:47

Perhaps she wasn't invited to stay?

I never stayed at any parties with my children after the age of 5 unless I was invited (which was usually never - once, I believe, at a children's play are type place. ). Do people really stay with their children? Or are they friends of the host child's mother ,who doesn't mind them staying?

Floggingmolly · 17/11/2013 16:48

It probably isn't, cocolepew. It's not her first thread, and the boy sounds disturbed.

Salmotrutta · 17/11/2013 16:48

Let's not call small boys "shits" okay?

Valdeeves · 17/11/2013 16:48

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