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Fucking fizzing after children's party.

999 replies

SugarHut · 17/11/2013 16:14

Ok...this will probably be quite ranty as I've literally just walked through the door. DS until this September was at a super naice private school, started age 3.5, now age 5.5. Impeccably behaved. Had his own birthday parties and the children were a delight to have, been to all of the other children's parties both with me present and without, never ever had a problem..with him, or any other child. The school then jacked up it's fees, and an astonishing amount of children left, resulting in DS being the only child in his year. I didn't see this as a suitable social environment, so took him out and put him in a pretty good local village primary. Since September, he's been involved in a number of fights...and he always gets the bad press, because other children have "started" on him for being the new boy, and DS is quite a strong little tike, and tends to "finish" things. Which I have drummed into him is not the correct behaviour, but (and not being snobby, just factual) some of these children at this school are just badly behaved fighty oiks who pick on/hit DS then go sobbing crocodile tears because they get a bigger punch back. DS and I have never encountered children like this before, and quite frankly, he's doing his best to just run off and tell and adult every time, but realistically, he's a 5yr old boy, and sometimes he inevitably will just windmill back.

So, I take him to his first party at from this new school. The mother is lovely, very welcoming. There are only about 8 other boys there. All other parents have left their DS there, apart from one, the mother of "Fred" who has stayed. My parents live about 45 seconds from the party venue, so I leave DS and my number, saying that if there's any problems (as he's not socialised out of school with any of them yet), I'm literally right there. I pick him up 2 hours later. He's crying, someone has punched him and he's fallen off the bouncy castle. I'm quite no nonsense, had a quick look at him, he was fine, told him "chin up" and he stopped his fuss, he was more just tired. The mother of the party boy said thank you for coming that he had been fine, DS and the party boy shook hands which was super sweet, DS went round saying bye to everyone. As I leave "Fred's" mother comes up to me. "Just so you know, he's been terribly behaved." Then stands there waiting for my reaction. "Er, has he?" "Yes" Waits for more reaction. "Ok, sorry about that?" "He's been punching, kicking, we've had to pull him off loads of children." "Oh my god!!! Really??" "Yes." Stands there again. "Um, I'll speak to him when we get home" She then pulls a face at me like she's the Queen. I left. On quizzing DS, as per usual, they had been playing rough and tumble type games, and generally "battling" and "Fred" had hit DS a number of times, DS had then put him in his place so to speak, and Fred's mother had hauled my DS off, sat him down and told him he wasn't allowed back on the bouncy castle until she said. I then discover it was Fred that punched DS in the head causing him to fall off the bouncy castle. DS doesn't lie...he is honest to a fault. He openly admits that he punched back. "But they kept battling me Mummy!!" He said that Freds' mother was basically just on his case the entire time, telling him he was a badly behaved little boy, and lots of "you never EVER do that again" and Fred didn't get told off at all.

I'm fuming. I know I should have stayed, but I didn't want to look all precious. I know I need to calm down. Do I speak to the party boy's mother on Monday and ask how DS actually was, or just go straight to this woman and tell her that she "never EVER" speaks to my fucking DS like that again. Or do I leave it. Sorry for this being so long. Didn't want to drip feed.

OP posts:
MrsLouisTheroux · 17/11/2013 16:32

I would talk to the Party Mum and ask her what she knows.Tell her that Fred's Mum has complained to you and that you wondered if she could fill you in. Tell her you talked to your son and it sounds like Fred was boisterous too but that you are not sure what actually happened. Take it from there.

CailinDana · 17/11/2013 16:32

Your son is hitting and fighting. It's a problem. You need to deal with it.

ICameOnTheJitney · 17/11/2013 16:33

I find it impossible to believe that ALL the other little boys are hitting him and he's just defending himself. As for him never having behaved this way...he's FIVE....they develop. There's every chance he'd be getting into this kind of bother if you'd kept him private.

See his teacher...tell her your concerns and speak to the Mother who hosted today.

diagnosticnomansland · 17/11/2013 16:33

Hmm...well, since an awful lot of MNers on here will have kids in "normal" school I don't think you have really helped your case here. TBH I think you were incredibly lucky at the "naice" school because my experience of private school was a bunch of jumped up brats who believed they were above everyone else...

But, having said that, I do know what it's like being the mum of a child who does seem to get picked on and finds it hard not to fight back and then gets into trouble for it. In this instance I would have stayed at the party - it could have been very illuminating (I know it was for me and confirmed my suspicions as to what was going on)

I'd stay away from Fred's mum and gently ask party mum if your son was any trouble. You want to come across here as being reasonable and wanting to sort out any issues. Being the new kid on the block I think it would be in yours and your son's best interests to be regarded as a reasonable person rather than one of "those" mothers...it may be helpful in the future if problems continue.

letsgotostonehenge · 17/11/2013 16:34

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CailinDana · 17/11/2013 16:34

Oh and claiming your son is a saint surrounded by oiks won't endear you or your poor child to anyone. Just so you know.

hiddenhome · 17/11/2013 16:35

Oh dear, you're going to have a lot more of these situations you know. You need to calm down.

ThreeBeeOneGee · 17/11/2013 16:35

All four of my children have been state educated since birth, so I suspect that by the OP's definition they are oiks. Is it possible to be a non-fighty oik?

My autocorrect found it very difficult to accept the word 'oik', possibly because I don't think I've ever typed it before today. Must try harder.

PrincessFlirtyPants · 17/11/2013 16:35

With this comment: "with an equal shit of a child" I really hope this is a joke.

paxtecum · 17/11/2013 16:35

Sometimes kids that have impeccable behaviour at home because a parent is always on at them, misbehave at school.

Wuldric · 17/11/2013 16:35

Schoolgirl error mentioning the private school thing.

Have experienced the same in a minor way. There are some seriously loutish parents at football clubs. It does pass but you are going to have to desensitise. FWIW I think your son's strategy is absolutely spot on. If they hit you, hit back harder. They won't hit you again. As long as your son is not initiating the aggression.

But I honestly would advise you to find another private school.

Salmotrutta · 17/11/2013 16:36

"A saint surrounded by Oiks" Grin

I'm keeping a straight face here in case DH asks what I'm grinning at! Grin

Floggingmolly · 17/11/2013 16:36

He'd be better off being the only one in his year, even if you have to pawn your diamonds to afford the fees. It's cold out here in the real world, I'm afraid. Full of oiks and the like.

Salmotrutta · 17/11/2013 16:38

All Oiks are fighty or all fighty people are Oiks?

If all fighty people are Oiks, does that make OP's son an oik too? Confused

Hullygully · 17/11/2013 16:38

Leaving aside your dubious "super naices" and "oiks," words which might well be chosen if one wished to be provocative but let us assume you are just a little thoughtless and/or dense, ask th eparty mum quietly and stay at the next few.

ThreeBeeOneGee · 17/11/2013 16:39

'State-educated since birth' Grin
I meant since the beginning of Nursery. To be fair, that was a long time ago.

Salmotrutta · 17/11/2013 16:39

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jeansthatfit · 17/11/2013 16:39

You know your child has struggled at his new school. You know he has been involved in fights. You knew he hadn't socialised with the children outside school before. He's 5 years old.

And you left him at the party on his own.

You screwed up there. If you weren't prepared to stay and be responsible and HELP your child adjust/settle in, you can't now go wading in on the basis of his word, meaning you will be critical of another child's behaviour AND a parent's behaviour, not having witnessed either.

You need to be a bit more involved from now on. Either he is a more aggressive/violent child than you realise, or he is being bullied. Whichever it is, he needs you. And I would be looking to get other families onside, not alienating them. Whatever you decide to do, think about your child and play the long game.

SugarHut · 17/11/2013 16:39

Oh yes, DS is violent in these situations, I don't deny that. But on my life, he doesn't start them. Perhaps he is winding the other children up to the point they lash out at him. I have no idea.

Oh I've learned my lesson, I will absolutely not leave him again with these children. After about 20 or so parties from his old school, and never one problem, I did not think expect this situation from this one. Especially when I was 45 seconds away.

I think that's why I'm so mad. How dare she speak to my DS like that. I am totally aware that DS has not behaved well. It is not her place to tell him he must never ever do this/that and deem it her decision to sit him on his own in a corner when her own child is left unreprimanded. Not when I am 45 seconds away. You call me. And bloody hell, if he was being a little swine, I would be on his back like a tonne of bricks. The odd little thing, of course, she is an adult, he is a child, he will absolutely be expected to be told to "calm down/stop that/caaaarrrreful!!" but to have seemingly singled him out because her DS and my DS now apparently seem to rub each other up the wrong way, spoken to him like that, and then announced to me that his behaviour is bad then glare right in my face. Not cool.

OP posts:
bronya · 17/11/2013 16:39

Seriously, for whatever reason, your son is NOT fitting in or enjoying time at this school. Perhaps the other children are picking on him, perhaps it is your attitude towards 'normal' children reflected in him that causes it, but for whatever reason, this isn't a good environment for him. Could you not find somewhere else for him?

Salmotrutta · 17/11/2013 16:40

As opposed to thoughtless that is.

JumpingJackSprat · 17/11/2013 16:40

Your kid sounds like the worst behaved one of the lot.

diagnosticnomansland · 17/11/2013 16:40

ThreeBee...I was about to ask....

Daykin · 17/11/2013 16:41

It takes two to fight, and your DS seems to be one of the two.

^^ this

Kids who can floor others with a single punch tend not to be the victims of unaggravated assaults generally.

as per usual, they had been playing rough and tumble type games, and generally "battling" and "Fred" had hit DS a number of times, DS had then put him in his place so to speak

This reads, to me, like he is a thug. Not necessarily more thugish than Fred but a thug all the same

digerd · 17/11/2013 16:41

5 and 6 year-olds behaving like thisShock. Fun rough and tumble, but hateful violence. Sorry for your DS OP, but glad he can defend himself, but shouldn't have to in that mannerSad

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