I'm going to have to kill him.

[CrappyDiem]

He gets words wrong. Like sharm el shay instead of sheik.

He makes noise when he eats.

He watches shit on TV.

20 fecking years I've been gently asking him not to.

I'm actually going to kill him.

[BlueSkySunnyDay]

My DP loads the dishwasher wrong. I have told him and even explained why I put things where I do. He still loads it the wrong way.

^What is it with that? My DH is "practical" - I have even talked him step by step through how the dishwasher works "here are the jets...put the stuff this way up so the water goes into the cups....put the dirty stuff at the bottom" Always wrong or sitting on the draining board right above the dishwasher.

He also is incapable of putting a toilet roll on the holder...when I feel particularly spikey I roll it across the floor to the other end of the bathroom so he cant reach it

[BlueSkySunnyDay]

H and my eldest scratch and sniff their hands .....I used to ignore but now stand in front of them and say "REALLY? How nice"

[itsonlyapapermoon]

My ex used to say "supposably". Also, was a lying, cheating, stinky knobber who didn't like washing or brushing his teeth and had THE rankest feet I've ever had the misfortune of having to smell. Note, I said EX.

[justanuthermanicmumsday]

Lol@enriquetheringbearinglizard. Quote "a dp who realises there is a dishwasher and attempts to load it? This is a rare beast " made me smile thank you ;)

I have such a beast he loads it correctly all that nagging has registered!

[Straitjacket]

Mine mainly irritates me in bed (like now!). Snoring, taking up all the bed and trying to live in my back (no matter how many times I tell him to shift, he is back there within a few minutes!). He also wraps himself in the quilt, so I end up having to fight with him for it. And he grinds his teeth a lot. Also had a few elbows flying at me, too.

Other things which annoy me, are that he bounces his leg all the god damn time. I can feel the vibrations even if we aren't sitting next to one another. He also always times his shits well, when it is the kids bedtimes and he fucks off for like half an hour. Seriously?? He can never walk out of a room either and switch a light off. I am forever going around switching them off and cursing. Oh and another thing, he never, EVER, takes his belts off his trousers or empties his pockets, just bangs them straight in the wash basket. I am forever going mad at him over it!

Actually, now thinking about it, I could go on all night probably!

[DropYourSword]

Could someone explain to me the right way to load a dishwasher. This is something I've definitely missed out on!

[TheRealAmandaClarke]

Yy to KTB for lying in with sleeping dd, while I get up ( making pancakes for DS) after I've been up very night with dd for the last 9 months. (barely
joking)

Loading the dishwasher. I have no idea why a grown man with a genius IQ can't load a dishwasher in a way that maximises space usage. But he does practice often so I can't kill him for that.

He breathes at night when I am trying to sleep.

[BornThisCrazy]

Squid urgh you win. Hands down. I never day it but KTDB. (Kill The Dirty B).

All those with snoring DHs - move them into the spare room. Seriously. I can sleep whenever/however I want now, and appreciate the break from his annoying habits. Its stopped me from throttling him.

[TheRealAmandaClarke]

Squid

[Rhythmisadancer]

Mine says joo-vay instead of duvet. He's for it.

[Creamtea1]

A new one to add...

'The baby was up 4 times last night after we went to bed' (me)
'Are you sure, because when I couldn't get back to sleep at 6 she was fast asleep' (him)

Death stare, seeth, rage
Oh actually, no I just imagined feeding her 4 times and changing her twice in 7 hours

[TheRealAmandaClarke]

[BeansAndCheese]

My dh has many of the above issues but a couple of extras:

Can't pronounce th - funder, baff etc
Say pacific instead of specific
Starts sentences with the word no even if the answer is yes
Won't believe any thing I tell him until its been confirmed by his parents big baby
Apparently there is a city in the west Midlands called 'birminum'

To be fare though I think I am more annoying than he is!

[HappyAsEyeAm]

Mine uses the words cupboard, chest of drawers and wardrobe inter-changably. Quite problematic when he is asking me where something is. I have no idea what he is referring to half the time.

[flippingebay]

Mine does this too... Uses the wrong words for things when he's trying to impress people. Doesn't really understand what 'big' words mean and uses them in the wrong context. Plus gets sayings wrong. Drives me bat shit crazy!!!

[Squidwardtenticles]

Mine just fumbled with his balls and he's now sniffing his hand.

[PelvicFloorOfRassilonClenchRem]

Ew. Chop them off and hang them under his nose.

[Squidwardtenticles]

I told him what i have wrote on here and he thinks its hilarious. lol.
He has no shame.

[cantthinkofagoodone]

I'm going to make a sticker

I - BU - PRO - FEN

I know a nurse. He says ibrufen

Me to DH 'shall we do this next Thursday?'
DH ' Thursday week?'
Me 'Yes, a week tomorrow'

Everytime.

Apparently, my head is also a marley.

[TheNaughtySausage]

Steals my bit of duvet and makes draughty wind tunnels by pulling it tight between us so I have to move over just to stay warm. Then complains that he has to sleep on the edge because I always sleep in the middle. YES, BECAUSE THERE IS NO DUVET ON MY SIDE OF THE BED AND TO GET ANY I WOULD HAVE TO PRIZE IT OUT OF YOUR COLD DEAD HANDS.

Ahem.

Doesn't know where anything is. Ever. JUST LOOK! LOOK WITH YOUR EYES!

Leaves tea towels in crumpled damp heaps on the work surface instead of hanging on the radiator. His mother does this as well.

Is currently in the midst of his annual leaf rage, whereby he becomes obsessed with clearing all the leaves from the garden and spends hours at the weekend scurrying about with a rake. They're not even our leaves, they come off next door's trees. I suggested he put them all over their fence but he won't. He just rages at them (the leaves, not the neighbours).

He's all right really. But I've told him I'm divorcing him if he ever buys anything out of those catalogues for the comfortably off pensioner with too much time and money.

[LuciusMalfoyisSmokingHot]

Naughty i think you'll find your DH "Mooks" instead of "Looks", my DD has unfortunately inherited that off her father.

[Creamtea1]

Arrrgh the not finding anything !!
Every day - where's my keys, great - they're lost, bloody brilliant etc etc
Cue 2 mins looking from me, look they're on the fucking window sill right there in front of you!!! Eyes!!!
Or here's a suggestion - just put then somewhere easy to locate if they're so bloody precious!
(tiredness rage kicking in today)