I'm going to have to kill him.

[CrappyDiem]

He gets words wrong. Like sharm el shay instead of sheik.

He makes noise when he eats.

He watches shit on TV.

20 fecking years I've been gently asking him not to.

I'm actually going to kill him.

[MikeLitoris]

Anyone that calls it ibrufen should be slapped.

Including MIL who is a nurse!

[BeansAndCheese]

Creamtea, my dh also couldn't find his arse with both hands!

[absentmindeddooooodles]

I very nearly suffocated my dp last night. I know its gross but seriously the smell that comes feom his backside is beyond bad. To the point that if he farts.....2 mins later I will gwt an overwhelming waft of rotten dead things. Every sodding time I chexk ds' s nappy rhinking he must be ill. Or the cat has left somerhing ro rot. It stinks out the entire room for about 15 mins. No exaggeration.

Last night it was all through the night. The smell woke me up. I slept on the sofa after an hour of hanging out the window and trying to tell him to remove himself feom our room.

He chews too loud
He takes too long licking the lids on yoghurts.....does it reeeeeeeally slowly.
He takes at least 40 mins in the toilet. 630 every eve. Could set my watch by him.
He takes an hour to wash up our plates and 3 pans ( on average) from dinner.
He says chimley rather than chimney.
He is always always rigjt.

He is the most irritating human in the world.....but also the nicest and funniest the other 90% of the time. And regardless of his toxic arse I do luffs him.

[Beastofburden]

I am just back from hospital after surgery and DH is doing everything for everyone while I lounge about :) we have a big bed made up of two single bases and mattresses, normally joined up, but to stop him bouncing me and my poorly tummy, we have separated them by a couple of inches for a while.

Cue him saying, "this bed is much smaller than usual"

Death stare from me.

"No, I don't usually nick your side of the bed. Course I don't. But somehow this just feels a lot smaller than my usual half".

He is so condemned out of his own mouth.

[Straitjacket]

Oh god, mine can never find anything either! So annoying as I usually know exactly where it is, tell him where, yet he STILL somehow "can't find it" and I have to go grab it for him and walk straight to it right there under his pissing nose! Grrrr. The thing is, it is usually him that has put it there in the bloody first place

[WhisperMen]

mines always got his hands down his fucking pants.
He only showers twice a week unless I nag him constantly
never washes up, just piles his plates and glasses in the sink
bites his fingernails AND toenails. then chews on the fucking bits of nail [vom]

I do love him though....I guess

[Parliamo]

Can't believe I got to page 4 before the SNIFF. Driving me nuts. And the big man flu wimp has been at it for six weeks non stop, I swear.

And yes to the stinky arse. I have trained myself to sleep facing away from him. And he wonders why I don't want to spoon!

Yes to the half hour twice daily trip to the toilet. With the door open. Why he feels the need to share is beyond me.

And the builder can't understand why I dont want an ensuite in the extension.

He does bring me a perfect cup of tea in bed every day though. So I might forgive him some of it.

[AlwaysInBed]

Mine keeps correcting me. I appreciate he is being reasonable but it's on my pronunciation/accent ffs- fevver, breeve, barf etc; Which I can't do much about as trying to do th makes me spit and then cough a lot as I'm so unused to it.

He also messy. And he fails to see mess. If I mention something is there, he cleans it up and is happy to do so.

He eats loudly and with his mouth open. When I had morning sickness, it made me vomit frm the noise/look and he quickly learnt thank God.

I have way too many annoying things about me though. I'm fairly sure he'd be justified in putting me under the patio!