I'm going to have to kill him.

[CrappyDiem]

He gets words wrong. Like sharm el shay instead of sheik.

He makes noise when he eats.

He watches shit on TV.

20 fecking years I've been gently asking him not to.

I'm actually going to kill him.

Long list for mine .. He picks his lips when watching TV, breaths really heavily , makes that horrible noise to get stuck food out of his false tooth, shits about 6 times a day and spends about 30 mins in the Bathroom, then stinks the house out.. SNORES , doesn't shower often (about once a week) .. Rubs is hands together when he's happy/excited or something has amused him, makes Mmmmm mmmm noises when he's eating! (I have tried to kill him, he just wont die)

Hes watching the grand prix again.

Fucking cars going in circles.

Phyeeeeeeeoooooooooowwwwwww

I'm cooming tea.

I may dribble in his bit.

Why can't yogurt pots go in the recycling?

squirted and uri nooooo please don't say that is true! Now I can't even correct her about it!

He does have a good sense of humour though and here is one of his jokes, particularly apt for this thread:

When a couple first gets together, they have "house sex" e.g. sex in every room of the house, on the stairs, dining room table, kitchen worktops, you get the idea.

After being together for a while, they have "bedroom sex" - you guessed it, sex in the bedroom, nothing too exciting.

Then after being together for aaaaaaages, they have "hallway sex" which is when the pass each other in the hallway and say "Fuck you!" "No, fuck YOU!!"

Brufen is a brand name for ibuprofen creamtea...

I don't have a DH/DP but my FIL (who I do love dearly) says Goggle instead of Google. It makes me want to hurt him

Skanking. Do you need help? Killing him i mean because fuck he deserves it!

Oh I forgot snoring and coughing...coughing like he is going to die at any moment - ffs just don't cough!!
And snoring so loud it wakes up the baby, literally I should divorce him for that alone

Brufen is ceptable.

I Byoo Ro Fen is not.

My DH says volumptuous and simular. There are loads more but I think they'd be too identifiable because NOBODY else mispronounces them.

arrrrghh
Originally marketed as Brufen, ibuprofen is available under a variety of popular trademarks, including

I refuse to accept it!

Mine facetimes my sister, says hello to her then hands me the ipad. I'll be in the middle of something and have to stop and talk to her. She's under the impression I wanted to speak to her.
If he wants to chat with her, fine he can do,but to spend thirty seconds and then pass it to me when I'm busy really pisses me off.

He sings tunelessly.

He hardly ever wipes down the work surfaces in the kitchen.

He thinks our bathroom is self cleaning. Apparently a quick swill of water is sufficient to clean the bath and sink.

Mind you, I do love him and I'm sure he'd have a long long list if asked about me.

Ahole because they are not the right grade of plastic! (I am very anal regarding recycling and DH is currently on a thread saying he is going to have to kill me because of it )

I don't have a dp either, but my DF drives me mad with his pronunciation of choritzo

I get choreeeezo, choritso, chorozo

All of them, every sodding time

Regardless of whether it's ibuprofen or Brufen it still hasn't got a bloody Z in it!

Mine constantly uses the wrong words, it drives me insane. When we first met he used to say "communial" instead of "communal", I managed to train him out of that one. There are others, but I have managed to block them from my memory.

His current one is using the word "industrious". He said the other day "I'm going to take this screw out and replace it with something more industrious". I actually asked him why he couldn't just say "a longer one" and he said because he likes using longer words....

DameEdnas you have just reminspded me of another one I had to metaphorically beat out of him - irregardless. Argh!

Hmm so what is the correct pronunciation of 'chorizo' then?

Mine used to pronounce "I'm shagging someone else" as "I'm working late, stop going on at me, do you want my business to fail?"

That was annoying.

Pelvic- I think you win...that is shocking!!

Pelvic I can see how that would be annoying

and Scarlet for you, put your speakers on
www.howdoyousaythatword.com/word/chorizo-chorizos/

Pelvic yes that is grounds for killing him.

DH says "does that make sense?" atthe end of his patronising explanations. I am feeling more murderous as this thread goes on grrr...

My dh farts all the time, there was a little old lady stood behind him in aldi today and he nearly blew her away, the killer is, he picks his nose to the point that it starts bleeding and then complains for a couple of hours! I've already told him if I catch him again I'm going to ram his finger so far up there that he'll poke himself in his brain! sat waiting for him to do it now so I can carry out my act of violence

Oh my word - my husband is leading a double life. He is also living with Crappy

Dh just annoyed me by acting all self righteous when I suggested some Chinese food.
He was all "I can't believe you are hungry?"
I had breakfast but no lunch while he had breakfast and a huge lunch.
It pissed me off so much that me and dd went to the Chinese, got a nice meal then sat and ate it in front of his not hungry arse!
Funny enough he had our leftovers!