Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that as pre school is not compulsory...

298 replies

cantsleep · 16/11/2013 22:09

That it should not matter if dd is late every day ?

My other dcs get to actual school on time but due to various health problems and the fact I don't drive dd is always about half an hour late.

I've explained time and time again to the pre school that iam doing my best but I got a letter today regarding a meeting they'd had citing one of the main problems as being that dd is late each day.

I get up at 6 am each day and get myself ready, then it takes over an hour to get dd1 up and sometimes ds1 needs help too as both have to do physio each morning. Dd2 and ds2 are only little and need to be dressed etc and dd2 has significant health needs. We get the oldest two to school on time but by then I'm already exhausted and usually have my breakfast and a cup of tea and then get dcs ready to walk down to pre school.

Dd hates it so screams and takes shoes off numerous times etc and it just takes ages as I'm tired.

I just feel that given the circumstances the pre school should just accept that we will never be on time rather than make such a big issue out of half an hour. Rather than putting pressure on me I would like them to just make the best of the situation and accomodate the fact that dd arrives at a different time.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Original poster
cantsleep · 17/11/2013 18:12

Homestart round here lost funding and shut earlier in the year so we lost our volunteer (she came once a week for 2.5 hrs and helped us get to pre school on time but only came for 5 weeks).

Caf assessment might provide some help but won't know till next meeting in early December, the lady has gone through everything with us and is trying to see what they can offer.

OP posts:
insancerre · 17/11/2013 18:12

some private nurseries offer just the free sessions, you know
it is always worth asking them how they deliver the scheme

Original poster
cantsleep · 17/11/2013 18:13

I don't know if any local childminders do I may try and find out but then we would have a period of them having to be trained before dd could be left and it has taken ages with pre school so it wouldn't be like dd could leave pre school and start somewhere else straightaway.

OP posts:
WooWooOwl · 17/11/2013 18:17

Is your dd2 going to pre school every day?

You really shouldn't feel like you have to go through all this because of starting school. It's almost a whole year away, and even then there's plenty of opportunity for your dd to get used to being away from you. If she's still only four when she starts school she can do mornings only for as long as you think is appropriate, or do only four days.

It might be that your dd would benefit from more time with you in the mornings at the groups you attend with your baby. Some children are better off staying at home for a little longer, especially when they have got a lot to cope with in their little lives.

hazeyjane · 17/11/2013 18:20

I get so fed up with parents who won't commit to fully supporting their child's nursery/pre-school/school.

I think it is the complete opposite! The preschool needs to make reasonable adjustments to support Can'tsleep's dd.

Can'tsleep, I think you need to say to preschool that dd needs to start at a later time in order for you to manage her needs. I hope the caf is successful and you are able to sort out a 1-1. Do you have an early years support worker? It sounds like you could do with an external person to help navigate through the system and fight your corner, when you have so much on your plate, also to advise on a smooth entry to primary when the time comes.

Good luck.

Original poster
cantsleep · 17/11/2013 18:26

Dd is funded for five mornings yes. I was going to cut down but caf lady said not to restrict myself to less days as if dd or other dcs were ill on that day and then things were ok on the days we had dropped that it would be a shame so she said keep the five days and go as often as possible.

She also spoke to the funding dept to make them aware of the situation and they are ok now but its just the pre school and the starting time that's still an issue.

OP posts:
JadedAngel · 17/11/2013 18:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheRealAmandaClarke · 17/11/2013 18:35

Yanbu
They should be more flexible given your DD's circumstances.
The CAF should illustrate the Pre school issues and a recommendation that you be given a more comfortable start time should be made as part of the assessment outcome.
I would speak to your HV or the person who lead the CAF assessment and ask them to support you in this.

TheRealAmandaClarke · 17/11/2013 18:37

Your day sounds really tough. Brew

TheRealAmandaClarke · 17/11/2013 18:38

Don't discuss your breakfast with them. Just have them agree to a different starting time.

dreamingbohemian · 17/11/2013 18:38

I'm still wondering why your DH can't drop off both the older DC, as that would seem to solve a lot of problems for you.

hazeyjane · 17/11/2013 18:40

I think you just have to say that in order to manage your dds needs, and ensure she is in a fit state to start the morning, you would like her to start 30 minutes later. No other details necessary.

Original poster
cantsleep · 17/11/2013 18:42

He does drop them both off we stop by dds school, she walks in the front gate and ds school is pretty much next door so we take him in then dh drives to work and I walk the five mins back to my mums unless its pouring and we have a few mins to spare dh drives a different way and drops me at my mums but that doesn't happen often as he needs to get to work.

OP posts:
Original poster
cantsleep · 17/11/2013 18:43

Dcs schools and pre school are not near where we live and I don't drive so we all have to leave the house at same time in the morning.

OP posts:
dreamingbohemian · 17/11/2013 18:52

Ah, I see. I think really you should look for a local childminder you can get to yourself. You will have so much more flexibility and if you find the right person your DD's needs will be taken care of much more. You never know, there may be a childminder around who already has experience dealing with diabetes so you wouldn't need the lengthy training period.

MrsDeVere · 17/11/2013 19:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

poopadoop · 17/11/2013 19:36

WooWooOwl - that is completely harsh. Why shouldn't an exception by made for the OP's dd seeing as she has additional needs? And as the OP says, children have an option of coming in late one day a week.
I think at your meeting you just tell them your dd needs a later start time, or ask them if you can use whatever facilities are available. Good luck

Sneepy · 17/11/2013 20:10

I wonder if it would be worthwhile to take a break from preschool to sort of re-focus? It sounds like it's really destroying your day and you sound so stressed and unhappy. Your DH could take the 2 older ones to school and you don't have to go anywhere. School run stress is horrendous, I have a super grumpy & screamy 5yo, some mornings she finishes me off and that is nothing to what you're dealing with! Take the pressure off yourself, you don't need it.

Also, if you have a more open day, you might be able to work out a routine with diet and meds to manage your DD's diabetes more predictably. I don't know if it's possible to do so but could be worth a try?

Good luck, I hope you can find a way to make it all work!

Dancergirl · 17/11/2013 20:22

I can't believe some of these responses.

OP YANBU

'Disruptive'?? It's fucking pre-school, they're not learning A level calculus. OP has already said its just free play most of the morning. I bet the other children are too busy playing to even notice the OPs dd arrive.

Why on earth should her dd miss out on pre school completely (3 hrs I'm guessing?) because she misses the first half hour.

OP, sounds like things are tough, I feel for you. But you're doing your best and that's all you can do.

Write back to the pre school and apologise for dds lateness and explain why. Then leave it at that and don't get into any further discussion. They'll have to lump it.

God I can't believe the lack of compassion these days.

notablob · 17/11/2013 20:30

And let me guess, your DP still isn't lifting a finger. Or have you left him?

Original poster
cantsleep · 17/11/2013 20:40

Dh has in the last few months improved dramatically. The turning point I think was dd2 needing an operation and he has been very very helpful.

I think before that mil was constantly in his ear that he deserved better/needed a rest himself and since virtually all contact ceased there the improvement has been vast.

Unfortunately despite him now giving 110% the dcs problems are still overwhelming but we are trying our best to take it one day at a time.

OP posts:
Pearlsaplenty · 17/11/2013 20:41

Yes I agree with stopping preschool altogether for a while.

Dh can drop the older two off a school and you and your youngest dc can stay at home, have breakfast and a more relaxing start to the day. Is there a toddler group that you could go to a couple of times a week so she can socialise and do messy play/craft?

It sounds like dd2 is finding preschool difficult and maybe arriving late after a very hectic morning is contributing to this. Also it is not good that you are unable to trust them with her health issues.

I agree with looking for a childminder close to your own home where dd could go so you could have respite.

Or maybe dd2 could start afternoon sessions at the preschool from January (or even april when the weather is nicer) as she will be older and maybe given up her nap by then. (How far is the preschool from your own home I assume you all walk home after her preschool finishes, but is the walk from your home to preschool too long to be able to do the pm session?)

notablob · 17/11/2013 20:55

I'm really glad to hear that.

I definitely think the pre-school should be more flexible given your family's multiple additional needs. Have you asked them about an agreed, fixed later start time for your DD?

Original poster
cantsleep · 17/11/2013 20:59

They said they want dd there on time, I explained the issues but they still insist she needs to arrive at the same time as everybody else.

OP posts:
AngiBolen · 17/11/2013 21:13

On many occasions it has been kindly pointed out to me that dd2 " is not the ONLY child in the setting"

IME, a good setting makes every parent feel thier child is the most important one to them when information is being shared.