Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that as pre school is not compulsory...

298 replies

cantsleep · 16/11/2013 22:09

That it should not matter if dd is late every day ?

My other dcs get to actual school on time but due to various health problems and the fact I don't drive dd is always about half an hour late.

I've explained time and time again to the pre school that iam doing my best but I got a letter today regarding a meeting they'd had citing one of the main problems as being that dd is late each day.

I get up at 6 am each day and get myself ready, then it takes over an hour to get dd1 up and sometimes ds1 needs help too as both have to do physio each morning. Dd2 and ds2 are only little and need to be dressed etc and dd2 has significant health needs. We get the oldest two to school on time but by then I'm already exhausted and usually have my breakfast and a cup of tea and then get dcs ready to walk down to pre school.

Dd hates it so screams and takes shoes off numerous times etc and it just takes ages as I'm tired.

I just feel that given the circumstances the pre school should just accept that we will never be on time rather than make such a big issue out of half an hour. Rather than putting pressure on me I would like them to just make the best of the situation and accomodate the fact that dd arrives at a different time.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Hawkmoon269 · 17/11/2013 15:16

Actually getting more and more cross about this. Your morning routine is not more important than the pre-school routine or the routine of other children who may well be disrupted by other children arriving late.

If you can't get there on time then (based on what you've written) I would assume that you don't value the (free, I assume?) place for your dd.

If you had to pay for your child's pre-school I bet you'd be there on time...

NorthernShores · 17/11/2013 15:16

I was going to suggest a childminder. I think you need to talk to the family support worker at the children's centre ( not nec anything to do with the preschool) and work out another way you can get respite/she can get some time away.

I think you will need to be honest with a support worker and ask for help too.

Original poster
cantsleep · 17/11/2013 15:19

On many occasions it has been kindly pointed out to me that dd2 " is not the ONLY child in the setting" when I've been trying to do her handover, that was why I changed to doing a written handover (something that I write whilst having my cup of tea).

OP posts:
Hawkmoon269 · 17/11/2013 15:22

Write it at the pre-school while you're waiting to drop your dd off?! Thing is, it's hard to be sympathetic when the solution seems so straightforward!

IsItMeOr · 17/11/2013 15:28

Hawkmoon I'm not sure you're helping OP, and it sounds like you're getting worked up over what is, after all, just words on a screen to you. Perhaps you should hide this thread?

OP - I agree with NorthernShores that talking to the wider children's centre is a good idea. Do you have social services support?

Original poster
cantsleep · 17/11/2013 15:31

I suppose written down things may look straightforward yet they are far from it. It is so hard to express what each morning is like.

A huge huge part of the problem is my tiredness/lack of energy/motivation, that and the fact each morning can bring any number of unexpected problems that throw things completely. If one of dcs takes a bit longer to do physio or dd has a hypo or its freezing cold and pouring with rain etc.

It is never just straightforward. I wish it was.

OP posts:
Original poster
cantsleep · 17/11/2013 15:33

I have just got to the point if total exhaustion. Like I said earlier I am going to try till end of term and re think then.

Once dd has stopped crying after I initially leave she does play and have fun so I do want to try if I can to keep her there.

OP posts:
schmee · 17/11/2013 15:42

You sound so exhausted. I would approach the meeting as an opportunity to ask if you can arrive with her earlier, in order to check her levels, etc before school. They should be able to accommodate that, or come up with an alternative.

On the other hand, I really think you should drop the preschool. She doesn't need to go, it's causing you stress and she is unhappy. How about stopping the preschool and finding some sessions (music classes, playgroups) that you can go to with her and ds later in the day. And maybe a childminder one day a week if you need the time with her out of the house. She'll be fine, she'll have some socialisation and you get to be with her and reassure yourself that she is well. It could help you to spend some time enjoying her as you do activities together. I find the grind of school run and the pain of handing my child to someone else very depressing, and I don't have any of the issues you have to deal with.

When she starts school next year they should understand that she has been at home for a while (rather than nursery or preschool) because of her medical condition and make any adjustments necessary for her.

You can't go on like this, and you can't phone up the preschool every hour to check if she is ok. It's unsustainable for you and them, and I think is a symptom of how unhappy you are with the situation.

FannyMcNally · 17/11/2013 15:44

Do they need to know what's happened the previous night etc? I'm just wondering whether there's an information overload and there is too much for them to take in that isn't relevant.

Have you thought about what's going to happen in school? Are you going to go in and test yourself to start with? Do the school have volunteers that will be willing to train up? It must be very worrying for you but it might be worth enquiring early.

SleepyFish · 17/11/2013 15:45

Surely this all could all be solved by getting up 10 minutes earlier and having a quick slice of toast/bowl of cereal?
YABVU to expect the pre-school to bend the rules so you can a cup of tea enroute.

insancerre · 17/11/2013 15:45

do the pre-school know any of this?
they can only act on the information they have
maybe by sharing all of this they might be able to help you
children's centres will have access to a whole raft of other professioanl services

Original poster
cantsleep · 17/11/2013 15:55

The diabetes nurse said the pre school need to know everything from the night before etc. dd has other problems and they need to know how disturbed her sleep has been etc, also things like does she need the toilet (bowel problems too and gets severe pain when needs to go so I need them to be aware of everything). They need to know if she's eaten all her breakfast too as if not she's more likely to go too low.

We have had a caf assessment but still waiting to hear the outcome and if any help will be available.

OP posts:
Original poster
cantsleep · 17/11/2013 15:58

When dd goes to school the school will test her much like pre school do and I will just take her home for lunch each day so that I can do her injection and either correct a high blood sugar or give her a little extra if on the low side.

It also means I will be less a noxious seeing her mid way through each day and knowing blood sugars are ok and also avoids her having the lunch play as she will not have a 1-1 and I am not happy about her being unsupervised for such a long time and possibly having a hypo .

OP posts:
Original poster
cantsleep · 17/11/2013 15:58

Anxious

OP posts:
ferretyfeet · 17/11/2013 16:26

well my kids are well past school age and I know nothing about pre school and nurseries etc so can't comment. However I feel the OP is having a very rough time of it and I think some of the comments on here have been very unkind,for goodness sake cut her a bit of slack. I must be very wearing day after day week after week dealing with what she has on her plate. I cannot offer solutions OP but I really hope things improve for you and I wish you and your family well

IsItMeOr · 17/11/2013 16:44

Agree ferretyfeet, OP had me at 4 DC - hats off to anybody who can manage 4 average DC with style and grace, let alone when any one of those 4 has additional needs.

OP - hope that CAF assessment is fruitful, it does sound like you very much need some help asap.

WooWooOwl · 17/11/2013 16:56

The arrangement you have at the moment clearly isn't working, either for you, or the nursery.

Waiting until Christmas won't actually achieve anything.

Of the nursery are telling you that it doesn't work for your dd to come in late, then you need to listen to that and respond to it.

You obviously don't agree that its a problem, or if you do see the difficulty you are causing for them then you are saying that they should deal with it and make an exception because things are tough for you. But that isn't fair on the nursery staff or the other children there if it still doesn't work for them.

You either need to take your dd out of pre school, what with it not being compulsory, or you need to figure out a way to get her there on time.

AppleAndBlackberry · 17/11/2013 17:01

It sounds really hard OP, and it doesn't sound like the preschool are being very helpful or supportive, or even very professional ("She's not the only child in the setting" etc). For what it's worth I don't think you're being unreasonable.

MrsDeVere · 17/11/2013 17:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SolomanDaisy · 17/11/2013 17:53

Didn't you post last week saying you wanted to withdraw your DD? Just do it, if you don't want her there. You can take her to toddler groups to socialise. You could also look for a childminder to use your free hours.

If you really don't want to do that, your DH needs to drop your elder two at school without your help.

whatever5 · 17/11/2013 17:54

I'm not surprised that you're exhausted. Your mornings are obviously really hard and the staff at your child's preschool are being really inflexible and unreasonable. I can't believe that it matters that much if your dd is a bit late.

Could your dd go to private nursery instead of a preschool? I think that it would be much easier for you.

Original poster
cantsleep · 17/11/2013 18:04

Yes I have been considering for a while taking dd out of pre school but wanted to persevere as I know she gets to do more there than at home like painting, making things etc.

No nurseries nearby have spaces so its the pre school or nowhere.

OP posts:
JadedAngel · 17/11/2013 18:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
cantsleep · 17/11/2013 18:08

Also with pre school its completely free and even if a nursery had a space I'm not sure financially we could do it.

If dd didn't attend pre school I could take her to groups with ds2 so she would socialise but would not be away from me and she probably needs to be sometimes in preparation for school.

OP posts:
hettienne · 17/11/2013 18:10

Have you tried seeing if any local childminders provide funded hours?