To think that as pre school is not compulsory...

[cantsleep]

That it should not matter if dd is late every day ?

My other dcs get to actual school on time but due to various health problems and the fact I don't drive dd is always about half an hour late.

I've explained time and time again to the pre school that iam doing my best but I got a letter today regarding a meeting they'd had citing one of the main problems as being that dd is late each day.

I get up at 6 am each day and get myself ready, then it takes over an hour to get dd1 up and sometimes ds1 needs help too as both have to do physio each morning. Dd2 and ds2 are only little and need to be dressed etc and dd2 has significant health needs. We get the oldest two to school on time but by then I'm already exhausted and usually have my breakfast and a cup of tea and then get dcs ready to walk down to pre school.

Dd hates it so screams and takes shoes off numerous times etc and it just takes ages as I'm tired.

I just feel that given the circumstances the pre school should just accept that we will never be on time rather than make such a big issue out of half an hour. Rather than putting pressure on me I would like them to just make the best of the situation and accomodate the fact that dd arrives at a different time.

AIBU?

If course it's helpful to suggest a different routine, the one OP has isn't working.

She either changes it slightly, stops taking DD to pre-school or carries on being late.

Did OP want us all to agree that being late is OK and to not offer practical solutions.

I don't see the problem, nursery I work in parents drop off and pick up anytime within their hours. The dc even the really unsettled per schoolers have no problem with other dc being dropped off later. Have no idea why some nurserys and preschools get all uppity they still get their money whether your late or not.

I had this with dd she was supposed to go 5days a week but the nursery she was in would moan at me for not taking her because i wouldn't all the time if we were doing other stuff like the zoo or other days out. Oh an the crèche she went to as a baby used to say dd was unsettled on any days we were late, bullshit she was always fine and I worked in the same building and spot checked a lot do I know she was fine.

Hi OP, it sounds all very difficult. If there's somewhere to wait, can you bring snacks and do your testing there? It sounds like going home again in between school and preschool is a bit of a faff and disruptive to your dd.
If not, maybe you just need to tell the preschool that you will always arrive at 9:30 (or whatever time you usually arrive by when you're late) due to your daughter's health needs, and stick rigidly to it so you're never late for that time.
Finally, maybe approach the meeting in terms of seeing how they can help you be on time rather than in a defensive mode - is there anything they can do to support your dd being on time? Can they provide you with an area to test your dd before preschool begins? If so, maybe meet them half way and bring a snack with you and have full breakfast when you get home.

I wouldn't be hanging around a freezing playground eating breakfast bars and checking my dds hypo. Absolute bonkers especially as its getting so cold.

OP you need to look after yourself too! You need to eat before you set off on the school runs. Have a brew and some of those breakfast biscuits (if you can't stomach cereal) before you wake up your DC's.

Muffcakes OP said she can wait inside the children's centre for the 30 minutes.

Something clearly has to give and it isn't really up tot he preschool to be flexible unless to accommodate your dd's health needs. I wonder if you might be better changing your routine so you do the testing onsite, carry cereal bars or similar as a breakfast standby and then she is ready to join in at the start time - is there a side room you could ask to use? I remember your previous thread , do you still stay with her or are you leaving her now with a keyworker , does she have a one to one ? Could your dd1 now sort herself out more as she is at secondary ?

Your preschool sounds very unsympathetic! I'm at the begrudging your dd 2 biscuits. At all the childcare settings I've worked at, we would have a health plan/risk assessment drawn up for any children with medical needs and everyone who worked in the setting would have to familiarise themselves with it. Perhaps asking them to. Draw one up (or review it) might focus their attention on the fact that they should be trying to accommodate rather than alienate?

I do leave her now but it has been hugely difficult, she does not have a 1-1 although I think she does need one. I phone 2-3 times while she is there to check how she is its just o stressful.

Dd1 has been very unwell lately and it takes so long to help her each morning, in terms of care needed she's barely any different to dd2.

Inopportune xpost with LIZS!

Whoops name change fail

Do you work? If so maybe consider a child minder or nursery? Or for pre school could you take her to an afternoon session? Here they offer half days.

For nursery I drop my baby off when it suits me as my work hours are not rigid, sometimes 0830 but anytime before 10is, never been an issue with the nursery. If I am taking baby later I will call first thing so that they include baby in lunch.

I think I will persevere till end of term. If I push myself I may get there on time I'm not sure. It's hard to explain the feeling of being so so tired and everything we have to do. Feels like I'm drowning each day.

Maybe cereal bars are the way to go and if I not sit down in between school and pre school I'd probably be ok !

No, I don't work due to dcs problems.

Could you not get to pre school half an hour early and do all your bits there. Check sugar levels and give snack if necessary. Have a breakfast snack yourself (breakfast biscuits, cereal bar, fruit, sandwich). Breastfeed and change ds as necessary. That way you wont get all the delaying tactics from DD.
You could at least offer this as an option to the preschool when you go and talk with them. They might pefer you half an hour late if the alternative is half am hour early.

Of course yanbu. Poor you, sounds really hard. Would nursery be an option? They are much more flexible.

Maybe just maybe you're worrying about this and actually they want to offer help! Not all schools /preschools are evil and want to make parents lives difficult. They may have ideas to support you. Please go in with an open mind, if it helps print out all your posts on here which list the problems you face and just hand them over to whoever is running the meeting. As you have explained your problems very clearly here.

Are you depressed OP? You have so much to cope with and I just feel you sound very weary and exhausted and fed up. There may well be some way round your routine like making something the night before or having a breakfast bar to keep you going but you honestly sound at the end of your tether and physically and mentally can't make changes.
Have you spoken to your health visitor or GP? Are there any agencies that could come in in the morning to help with physio or even make you some breakfast? What will happen when your DD starts at school. She will need to be on time then. Do look after yourself.

Can dh do the school run with dd1 and ds1 and then head off into work so you can concentrate on dd2 eating her breakfast and you getting yourself something to eat?
Or could you bring cereal bars for you to eat so that when you stop at your mums you just need to change ds2 and check dd2 blood sugar?

On a slightly different note are you feeling a bit depressed? The sitting down and not having the energy to get back up,feeling like you're drowning are how I feel when I'm depressed. Are you getting any home help?

Yes I am suffering with depression and on anti ds. Dd getting diabetes was the straw that broke the camels back.

I would do what another poster suggested & put in writing exactly what you face in the mornings with your children & their varying circumstances. I know you say they should know because your other DC went there too, but likely they've forgotten or not really considered the full situation.

Again, as the other poster suggested, in that letter state what time you will arrive at each day (& stick to that).

It sounds to me that, given all you describe (although obviously not knowing the details of your circumstances) they are verging on being in breach of the Disability Discrimination Act by not making reasonable adjustments (alternative start time) to accommodate your DD.

However, that said, from what you describe & given Pre School isn't compulsory, I'd stop taking her. She doesn't sound like she's enjoying it & all that added stress isn't necessary given everything else you have on your plate.

Hope things get sorted.

Someone might have already said this but I haven't read all posts
If it's not a state preschool, the council only pay for the hours the child attends

I don't mean to sound patronising but I don't think they are working. You are still feeling like you are drowning.
Have you looked into weekend respite care so you can have a break?

Op do you have someone who can come to the meeting with you and and support you/advocate for you on your behalf?

Sometimes when you are so personally involved it is hard to clearly explain your reasons for things.

You have a lot to cope with and I think if the preschool were aware of the situation I think they might be able to assist you in some way.

I also think you should find out about school transport for dd1 that someone suggested earlier. This could really help as well.