To think that as pre school is not compulsory...

[cantsleep]

That it should not matter if dd is late every day ?

My other dcs get to actual school on time but due to various health problems and the fact I don't drive dd is always about half an hour late.

I've explained time and time again to the pre school that iam doing my best but I got a letter today regarding a meeting they'd had citing one of the main problems as being that dd is late each day.

I get up at 6 am each day and get myself ready, then it takes over an hour to get dd1 up and sometimes ds1 needs help too as both have to do physio each morning. Dd2 and ds2 are only little and need to be dressed etc and dd2 has significant health needs. We get the oldest two to school on time but by then I'm already exhausted and usually have my breakfast and a cup of tea and then get dcs ready to walk down to pre school.

Dd hates it so screams and takes shoes off numerous times etc and it just takes ages as I'm tired.

I just feel that given the circumstances the pre school should just accept that we will never be on time rather than make such a big issue out of half an hour. Rather than putting pressure on me I would like them to just make the best of the situation and accomodate the fact that dd arrives at a different time.

AIBU?

cantsleep

I have had this time and time again. The school whoever you speak too do not sound like they have empathy.

Lots of people don't, i don't blame them for this, when you speak and tell them about your day they are not hearing you....

They would literally have to sleep in your house and actually do your morning routine to have any idea of what your going through.

I think you should perhaps just try once more for your own peace of mind, but cast your net further and look for other options, toddler groups, classes etc.

I do not think she will have any problems socialising when it comes to school though. She has lots of siblings. If the break is for you, perhaps you could find a child minder that could just do a few hours for you to give you a much needed break.

Could you get up 5 mins earlier and use it to grab toast, a flask of tea and a piece of fruit to eat in the car whilst DH drives to school ? Then do everything else at the childrens centre before the session leaving time to relax before the group ? When does DH eat his breakfast ? Or as PP said can he do the school run even just a couple of days a week so you can recharge a little.

Yes YABU to think it doesn't matter she's late when they think it does, but understandable in the circumstances.

If it wasn't for your special circumstances I would say YABU and just go to pre school straight from school.

Discuss your needs with the pre school. There's probably a member of staff there half an hour early, who could let you in to the warm, so you could check both children and have a flask of tea or something.

Cantsleep

I get what you are saying and I get that preschool actually 'get it' too but are perhaps using this to highlight that you are struggling to cope.

Which you are - with good reason!

There is a solution here actually - the preschool is in a Children's Centre - it's not in a shack in a field but in a building equipped for families and children under 5.... About time they stopped having meetings and invited you to use their family kitchen to have breakfast and do DD's blood sugars...

FFS - this is what these places were developed for...

Meet with them but before you go WRITE your morning routine

Highlight the problem area (when you get to your mums)

Write some possible solutions:
DD having a new start time
Use the Children's Crntre
Afternoon session
Different nursery

Do it in writing, take ownership of the issue and challenge them to support you

Hope you get sorted OP

I'm shocked its at a children's centre and they are do unhelpful. Arrange a meeting with an outreach worker rather than ore school staff.

Can't your DH drop off dd1 AND ds1 at school? They must be very close to each other so would only take a couple more minutes for him, and then you don't have to get all four kids ready by 7.50, you could leave much later with just the youngest two.

I phone 2-3 times while she is there to check how she is its just o stressful. Dare I suggest that you may well have anxiety issues as well as depression . That would work out at least once an hour, which again may be hugely problematic for the routine of the preschool as someone has to leave their charges to respond. You go home and fret , they are awaiting an interruption, so hardly a break for you so no wonder you are tired. You need to have more confidence in their ability to cope with dd2 and let you know if there is a problem. A meeting , addressing what they could offer to help you attend to her needs and be on time , risk assessment and open 2 way communication, should be a first step. Do you have a SW or HV who would come with you ?

Pre schools are just that - schools. They're quite regimented and whilst they're not compulsory they do run like schools which includes monitoring attendance and punctuality. I have to fill out holiday request forms for my son if we go away or to take a day off even though it's voluntary! I agree with a pp, I think it's for their funding, so they can claim funding for your child. If they're not there all the hours the pre school claim for, they will loose money and still have to pay staff etc with less money. I agree, take a snack and go straight from the school to the preschool. If any of them needs the toilet, changing, meds, food etc can you not do it at the pre school before taking her in? I've regularly had to change dd at pre school in order to get DS there on time. Other mums stop and BF siblings in reception etc. If you really can't, I'd consider a nursery setting instead.

Try thinking of it another way - the sooner you deposit DD at pre school the sooner you can get off home in order to put your feet up with a brew and try to relax.

Agree with whoever said this is a Children's Centre, you shouldn't be faced with doing her blood sugar outside. It won't be impossible for someone to unlock the door so that a child with additional needs, in a family with various needs, can attend pre-school.

And complaining about her having an extra biscuit, FFS. Perhaps the staff and other children should have a session where they talk about Diabetes? I am studying Childcare and we have just done this topic. Lecturer works in a nursery and said she would do something like this where they bring in a doll that has diabetes and talk about what it has for dinner, what it can and can't do, to help the children learn about different ways of life. It is actually a good learning experience for the children!

Do you have a family support worker based at the Children's Centre? Maybe you could ask for one?

If she hates it and it is not compulsory, why do you send her?

I don't think she'll have any problem socialising at school if you take her out of pre-school. It would make life much easier for you. My youngest never went to any groups or pre-school and had no problem when he started school...probably because he has older siblings.

I think ,under the circumstances ,you need to do whatever makes your day more manageable. Find things to do at home with her instead.

I suspect that the preschool might be finding it too difficult to deal with your DD2's extra needs and are trying to push you into withdrawing her, because I can't for the life of me see any other reason why they would be so unreasonable about insisting she is there on time given your circumstances!

I also think that you probably need those free hours to give you some respite, and some 1 to 1 time with DS2, don't you? So ideally you'd like to be able to keep her in the pre-school. But if you're not bothered about that, then perhaps it would be easier to stop pushing yourself so hard every day and take her out of pre-school.

Do you have a health visitor, or a social worker or someone like that who helps at all with the health issues that your children have to deal with? They might be able to write a letter on your behalf stating that you are already up against it and, since you say the children are just free-playing, the pre-school should be a little more flexible in your case.

I hope you can work out a plan!

I work in a preschool.
We open the doors at 9am and most children arrive then. A few also arrive at 9.30 to miss traffic or because a sibling goes elsewhere, so we have free play for half an hour or so, then register/welcome time, then free play again.
it isn't a problem.

I think they are looking for reasons to be difficult.

OP, couldn't read and not post to say sorry that you're having such a hard time.

It does sound like you think that the preschool is not interested in accommodating you/DD2. It could be that your depression and other stuff going on mean that you are perceiving what they are saying/doing as more negative than it is. (but the biscuit comment is not reassuring...).

However, ringing 2-3 times while she's there is ringing an alarm bell for me. It sounds as if you don't trust them, and they will feel that too.

So I think you need to decide whether you can trust them, or whether it is just too much for you to do at the moment. If the latter, then your decision is made.

However, I think it sounds as if you could desperately do with the chance to switch off from DD2's issues for a short time each day.

What happens when you phone up? Is everything fine, or have there often been emergencies that you needed to help with? Could you try not phoning to check for a week and see what happens?

You are pushing yourself incredibly hard with four children, most with what sounds like quite significant additional needs. Sounds like you need a break - any break - so I would suggest you think hard before withdrawing DD2 from pre-school.

I think yabu and not respecting the pre-school's rules.
I get so fed up with parents who won't commit to fully supporting their child's nursery/pre-school/school.

I get that you have a lot on your plate but you also seem to be making problems for yourself. Why not go straight to pre-school after the school drop off and kill some time there? Taking a 3 year old home and expecting to leave again very quickly is a hassle and all for the sake of a cup of tea?!

I have tried to trust them but I don't think they fully understand her conditions, they try but just don't 'get it'.

Take for the example the 1 biscuit comment, that worried me and last week when I dropped her off she was a bit on the low side I asked did they have her hypo kit to hand, they asked me what to do if she went below 4.0. They should NOT have had to ask me after having numerous training sessions. I had to explain that dd would immediately need juice or glucotabs. They wrote it down then asked should they phone be to tell me first she was low I said no, just get sugar into her quickly if it happens then phone me.

I left feeling very uneasy and anxious about leaving her but I know the only way they will learn to meet her needs is by having her there and for me to keep going over it but its so worrying.

Why haven't you written it all down for them! There should be a proper health care plan drawn up between you and the pre-school detailing exactly what to do depending on the blood results. She should have her own little box of sugary items that they know when they should give them. If things are changing on a daily basis you need to have written it all down before you arrive and then go over it with them so you and they can both be confident that her condition is being handled correctly.

There is a care plan and they have had approx six training sessions from the nurse and still don't seem to get it.

I thought they did but there was the biscuit comment, the not being sure how to treat a hypo and sometimes her blood sugar checks are not done when I ask. The more she's there the more they will learn but its very hard leaving her when I don't feel 100 percent yet.

I write a side of a5 for them each day detailing what her sugars have been, how bad her night was. What medicines she has had etc etc.

Honestly, it's stressful getting her there, you can't get there on time, they aren't able to meet her care needs, you are anxious while she's there, she doesn't want to go - is it really worth it?

Have you looked into whether any local childminders provide the funded hours?

Yabu! I was completely with you until you said you stop for breakfast!