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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

was this woman bu to complain about my husband?

398 replies

wingsofgildedsilver · 16/11/2013 15:29

My husband drives a van for work. Driving to work in the morning traffic and the car in front of him slowed down as the car in front of her was turning off left, the woman then waited to let another car pull out of the junction.

My husband beeped his horn at her and shook his head when she looked in her mirror at him.

When he got into work, later on that day the company had received a complaint about him - the woman had noted his licence plate and company name and sent them an email.

He now has a mark on his employment record.

OP posts:
VerySmallSqueak · 16/11/2013 16:54

But perhaps this woman isn't like the people you know Kew.

Perhaps it is she who is a bit of a nasty bugger here and she gets her kicks from reporting people for very minor irritations.

I agree that the op's DH behaviour wasn't exemplary and that if the complaint is proven the firm would be justified in speaking to him and stating the behaviour expected of their drivers.

My beef is with actually reporting someone over something so minor.

I agree the whole thing could have been avoided were he perfect. But I just think a little cutting of some slack would be nice.

FunkyBoldRibena · 16/11/2013 16:55

If they have just made a note of an unsubstantiated complaint then they can't use it against him in a redundancy situation so is all irrelevent

They can use any criteria they like when deciding who to make redundant. What makes you think that they can't?

UnacceptableWidge · 16/11/2013 16:57

I don't think bullys should be cut any slack verysmall

bzoo · 16/11/2013 16:57

I'm the only one who hasn't bosom hooked, name called and seen that there might be another view to the story!

Ive agreed her DH used the horn in an inappropriate way.

Are all stories black and white? Or are there varying shades of great. Her DH wasn't the only person who acted in this instance. Hesitancy for example will go against you in a driving test. Anger or reacting to a situation inappropriately will go against you. Sadly humans are not robots and have the act of free will and emotions. In any situation there's black white and grey. And I'm not inclined to be twattish to other people. But I do take the time to assess a story and think about it with different perspectives in mind. Try it sometime.

Wuldric · 16/11/2013 16:58

I just think a little cutting of some slack would be nice.

I agree, particularly in respect of a courteous driver letting someone in.

The van is white, right OP? Put me out of my misery. I am 99% sure the van is white.

MintyChops · 16/11/2013 16:59

Well Very, it would have been nice if the OP's husband had cut the woman some slack but instead he acted like a twat and got what he deserved.

TheWomanTheyCallJayne · 16/11/2013 17:01

He was an arse
She may have been being courteous but she was also not following the rules

I prefer a courteous rule breaker to an arse

bzoo · 16/11/2013 17:01

There's a lot of twattish behaviour around Smile

I for one am sure I have been thought of as a twat at some point in the past. No one else?? Wink

VerySmallSqueak · 16/11/2013 17:02

Unacceptable I fail to see this as bullying.
It's a bit of a leap really isn't it?

Wuldric yes,absolutely.His reaction was wrong.I've stated that.It works both ways and he was intolerant also.

Pawprint · 16/11/2013 17:02

Your dh was out of order - beeping on the horn is aggressive and, I believe, illegal in the circumstances you describe. I would have complained too (hitches bosoms, clutches pearls and makes cat bum mouth).

bzoo · 16/11/2013 17:02

Courteous rule breaking. Is that akin to speeding whilst waving and grinning at police/speed traps etc?!

FunkyBoldRibena · 16/11/2013 17:02

And I'm not inclined to be twattish to other people. But I do take the time to assess a story and think about it with different perspectives in mind. Try it sometime

Is not beeping and then shaking your head telling another driver off, ever so slightly twattish itself?

Mushypeasandchipstogo · 16/11/2013 17:03

Just wondered if the OP thought that her DH was being unreasonable? If he had been my DH I would have told him that he was an absolute TWAT!

Sallyingforth · 16/11/2013 17:03

The car driver was quite correct to report the van driver, and I hope he is now being more considerate.
I have actually reported a van driver to his employer for driving with a phone clamped to his ear.

bzoo · 16/11/2013 17:03

Yes I haven't said it isn't twattish. People do twattish things all the time is my point!

RaspberryRuffle · 16/11/2013 17:04

OP's husband was being a twat. If a driver is hesitant then tooting the horn won't help (and is not an appropriate use of the horn).

I hope he had the sense and good grace to apologise to his employer and to ask them to do so to the other driver though I very much doubt it.

Doing the advanced driving course and learning from it could be a way to show his employer he won't be risking theri reputation again.

LIZS · 16/11/2013 17:04

If that is your dh's version of events then chances are his behaviour towards the other driver was , or certainly to her may have felt, more impatient. Good for her, she had no choice but to wait, was courteous then he took his irritation out on her.

ReluctantBeing · 16/11/2013 17:07

And your husband drives for a living? Oh dear.

MrsLouisTheroux · 16/11/2013 17:08

Sorry OP but beeping his horn to get a 'hesitant' driver to hurry up is a bullying tactic. It doesn't really matter why they were being hesitant, he should have been patient but chose to tell them off for holding him up for how long? A whole minute or so?
He beeped his horn and shook his head and she told him off right back.
YHWBU.

bringbacksideburns · 16/11/2013 17:08

Why did he shake his head like she was a silly little girl? Why did he use his horn? Is he so incredibly important that he couldn't wait another 3 mins whilst she showed good manners to another driver. She did not let 5 people into the road. He was impatient and overreacted.

I suggest he takes a few deep breaths and puts Radio 4 on next time he wants to have a strop about nothing.

VerySmallSqueak · 16/11/2013 17:08

Minty as I said to Wuldric.He should have cut her some slack,I agree.

But I still think it's a bit nasty to 'cry to teacher' over this.

He didn't swear at her,threaten her,hurt anyone.He behaved in a less than perfect way.

I can't think I could be so precious over it.Really! I'd have more things to worry about than revenge for something like that!

I would go home and have a nice Brew and forget about it!

azzbiscuit · 16/11/2013 17:10

If a dozy individual in Sainsburys was standing in the middle of the aisle in the way for a few seconds you wouldn't expect somebody in a sainsburys uniform to come and shout "MOVE" at them. Driving a company branded van is no different.

kilmuir · 16/11/2013 17:12

He won't do it again. Tough

SoupDragon · 16/11/2013 17:12

she was also not following the rules

I can't actually find that rule though. I have looked, honest. Please put me out of my misery and tell me which number it is.

bzoo · 16/11/2013 17:14

Azz. That has tickled me! Grin