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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

was this woman bu to complain about my husband?

398 replies

wingsofgildedsilver · 16/11/2013 15:29

My husband drives a van for work. Driving to work in the morning traffic and the car in front of him slowed down as the car in front of her was turning off left, the woman then waited to let another car pull out of the junction.

My husband beeped his horn at her and shook his head when she looked in her mirror at him.

When he got into work, later on that day the company had received a complaint about him - the woman had noted his licence plate and company name and sent them an email.

He now has a mark on his employment record.

OP posts:
MintyChops · 16/11/2013 16:32

Your husband was being an ignorant, arrogant arse and I'm delighted she reported him.

Kewcumber · 16/11/2013 16:32

Bzoo - car in front of lady slowed down to turn left and car waiting at the same junction pulled into main road. Lady in front of OP's husband allowed them time to pull into traffic ahead of her as she had already had to slow down behind car turning left anyway.

All sounds pretty normal to me.

OP's husband disapproved and hooted horn and made gestures (which were apparently only shaking his head at her).

SuburbanRhonda · 16/11/2013 16:32

bzoo, are you the OP's DH Grin?

VerySmallSqueak · 16/11/2013 16:33

I still think that although what he did seems to have broken the highway code,what he did was pretty minor,and the thought that the woman had to shit stir with someone's job over something so trivial says more about her than him.

But I know I'll get flamed for that view....

JumpingJackSprat · 16/11/2013 16:33

Your husband was driving like an aggressive twatty arsehole and having been on the receiving end of three or 4 twatty aggressive arsehole drivers today, I have no sympathy. If Id known you could report these idiots to their companies I would have been paying a lot more attention to whether any vans were sign written. The lady driver was so not being unreasonable, and your husband was. Doesn't matter how many times you restate the story, I suggest your husband takes an advanced driving course because at the moment he sounds like if he is getting aggressive and intimidating (and beeping your horn and shaking your head is intimidating for some people) then he shouldn't be on the road and deserves to have a mark against his name. Driving isn't a game and its people like him that make it so dangerous because of course his journey is the most important one.

By the way once she has decided to let someone out, then she has no control over whether they are hesitant. If she chose to drove on because of some idiot behind her beeping, then in all likelihood there would be a crash. Which your husband would then have driven on past thinking it was fuck all to do with him.

HauntedFlyingNaanBread · 16/11/2013 16:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ilovesooty · 16/11/2013 16:33

My sister reported a bus driver for cutting her up and then preceding to stick a middle finger up at her

I reported a local taxi driver for a similar incident a few years ago. It was two days before Christmas. If he didn't want his taxi taken off the road he shouldn't have been so aggressive. I don't like being sworn/gesticulated at on the road.

Kewcumber · 16/11/2013 16:35

the woman had to shit stir with someone's job over something so trivial says more about her than him.

Possibly.

Or possibly he was a great deal ruder than OP realises. I'd be very surprised if a company big enough to have a procedure for reporting the driving of your staff puts a warning on someones file for a toot and a tut.

SuburbanRhonda · 16/11/2013 16:35

a toot and a tut Grin

bzoo · 16/11/2013 16:36

Ok so if I am the car emerging from the minor route.

I see at slowing to turn left. It's a straight road I can see I can join. However as I know cars on the major route have priority I should pull out hoping that the car behind the on turning left will allow me to do so? Clearly the person needing to emerge did not think it safe to do so. The car then slows and I am then hesitate to pull out because after all it's not my right of way. If unexpected the emerging driver might have been looking further down the road to spot a another gap.

I still maintain I wouldn't emerge until I thought it was safe to do. It's my car. My insurance. My decision.

NewtRipley · 16/11/2013 16:37

I think your DH was in the wrong, totally. I hope he has a think about how he drives and how he lets his emotions affect his driving, rather than bemoaning the woman who reported him.

But I personally would save my reporting for something more dangerous.

bzoo · 16/11/2013 16:39

Surburban. Nope! I'm not a man!Wink

Kewcumber · 16/11/2013 16:40

I still maintain I wouldn't emerge until I thought it was safe to do. It's my car. My insurance. My decision.

Quite right too.

I don;t see how that means OP's DH is at liberty to be rude to other road users even if they are in the wrong on company time, in a company van presumably emblazoned with company logos.

Its not terribly smart either is it?

VerySmallSqueak · 16/11/2013 16:41

Why are so many people assuming that the op's DH is lying or minimizing?

He isn't actually being disciplined by his company.It may be that they note it on the employees record as a matter of course,not because they find against the employee - so that it can be cross referenced if there are further complaints - that sort of thing.

It could well be just as the op described - and in the absence of further information is it not up to us to respond on the basis of supposition.

SoupDragon · 16/11/2013 16:42

It was not slow moving due to any other cause

"Morning traffic" implies slow rather than free flowing. Regardless, I can not find the rule which states you shouldn't let people out. Especially when you have already slowed.

JudyJudgypants · 16/11/2013 16:42

Small point but ....how would this woman have had time to get his number from the van if she was in front of him?
even in her mirror the number ( possibly?) on the front of his van would have been reversed? so at some point, he over took her and she hung on behind to get the number ? or was he in front and....?
" a toot and a tut" Grin

ivykaty44 · 16/11/2013 16:42

I was flashed recently when I was waiting to turn right - it was the on coming vehicles right of way and the car was the only car on the road and then I would be able to turn - why was he flashing me when in two or three second I could turn any how? The traffic markings are clear and there was no need.

Much to his annoyance I ignored his flashing and didn't move - it may be a scam, whereby I move forward and he drives into me and claims on the insurance. This has been a very big scam in the Uk and it was in the press over the last 4 months to warn motorist.

The other motorist got very very annoyed and kept flashing - I shook my head and he waved his fist....

Letting people out of side roads is not very clever if you have traffic behind you and I wonder when people drive like this (unless in stationary traffic or very slow moving) is to cause an accident and if not are they not aware of the scams on insurance?

Roads are set out a certain way to keep the traffic moving forward and people know what is happening - if you keep changing this then it will help to increase one motor colliding with another motor and the possibility of people being hurt.

bzoo · 16/11/2013 16:43

No I agreed he shouldn't have beeped. But I was told I had twattish behaviour on the road too. I'm not sure I do!

DifferenceEngine · 16/11/2013 16:43

Driving a van with a company name on the side is a big advert for that company. The driver is representing the company.

I boycott firms that have twattish drivers. (And it is obvious that some firms have a boss that monitors how fast they get fro A to B and pays no attention to quality of driving.)

pianodoodle · 16/11/2013 16:44

The car pulling out was hesitant, so my husband beeped her for holding up traffic.

That's not what the horn is for. Your husband was bu.

SoupDragon · 16/11/2013 16:45

JudyJudgypants I assume there was a recognisable company name on the van

Kewcumber · 16/11/2013 16:46

If they have just made a note of an unsubstantiated complaint then they can't use it against him in a redundancy situation so is all irrelevent.

Even if all is exactly as OP describes (and presumably as he doesn't think he did anything wrong he has admitted events) he is still a poor representative of the company and they would be perfectly entitled to warn him to improve his behaviour in their vans and keep it on file just in case they get repeated complaints about him.

Speculation about how he really behaved doesn't change my opinion, but it certainly wouldn't surprise me if it was a bit more than he has admitted to. But only on the basis that no-one I know has ever been driven to waste their own time noting a phone number and complaining for very minor irritations.

If it was very minor then reporting him might be a little over the top - but doesn't change the reality that if he'd been a more considerate road user there would have been nothing to complain about.

MrsCampbellBlack · 16/11/2013 16:49

Thing is if your DH beeped his horn at this - what would he do if someone really annoyed him?

There do seem to be more and more aggressive drivers out there and it makes driving a pretty stressful experience.

And driving aggressively in a branded van is just well - stupid!

ChippingInLovesAutumn · 16/11/2013 16:50

bozo - do you understand yet? It's really not that difficult. You are the ONLY person supporting the OP's twattish husband, has it not occured to you that perhaps your grasp of the situation isn't all it could be?

JudyJudgypants · 16/11/2013 16:52

Thanks SoupDragon

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