To expect the school to do something about ds being laughed at for wearing a Hello Kitty onsie?

[lecce]

He is 4 and wore it yesterday for Children in Need. The bloody thing is mainly white, and, for that reason mainly, I had tried to steer him in the direction of others, but he was adamant that was the one he wanted. He already has a plain pink lunchbox and pink Peppa Pig wellies and tells me he has had the odd comment about these being 'for girls', but he insists he doesn't mind. He is very shy but tells me he has told these children, 'Pink isn't just for girls!', though I do find it hard to imagine him saying this to a child he doesn't know well.

This morning he tells me that yesterday a few children laughed at him so he took off the onsie and spent most of the day in pyjamas. He had no dressing gown or slippers, as the onsie had covered feet, and tells me he was cold. He had to put the onsie back on to play out at lunchtime and more children laughed at him then. He has named two children from his class as being the main laughers when he was inside the school. He is 4, ffs. Why can't he wear what he likes? However, he does not really seem upset as such, and he says he didn't tell the teacher what was going on.

I am annoyed because the teachers didn't seem to be aware of what was going on. I know they can't help it if he doesn't tell them, but they should have been aware, imo, if the comments were enough to make him want to take it off. He is very happy with his wellies and lunchbox, so I feel there must have been quite a lot of comments this time. I teach in a secondary school and, of course, sometimes things like this go on without the teacher being aware, but I am sure 4 yr olds are a lot less subtle than teens! Also, I would expect a parent to bring something like this to my attention if I didn't notice it myself.

I am also a bit annoyed, though less so, that they didn't contact dh (they know he is a sahd) to bring in an alternative for him, to save him being cold and having a miserable lunchtime. I just feel that ds has had a bit of a pants day, when it should have been fun and he was so pleased with the onsie, and that I should do something about it.

On a similar topic, ds2 (yr2) tells me he regularly has, what he calls, 'mean comments' about his packed lunches - especially the fruit and Greek yogurt. He is capabale of standing up for himself, but says it's getting 'annoying'. I'm starting to feel this should be addressed too.

Dh thinks I'm being silly, but is starting to come around the more I go on. Tbh, though, I can't rely on him having a quick word with the teacher about this, as he will probably 'forget', so, if we do raise it, it will be me who does so, making it more formal as I will have to make an appointment.

AIBU to think it worth mentioning these issues, and to think that part of the role of primary school is to encourage kindness and tolerance amongst pupils?

I think it's quite important for children to begin reflect on what 'being a boy' and 'being a girl' might mean. Are these things absolutely fixed - across all time, across all cultures - or is gender - and 'appropriate' gendered behaviour - something that society creates and dictates?

When you start going to school, you become aware of differences. Other children many not be quite like you. Other families do things differently.

School communities need to promote tolerance and acceptance. Students don't learn well in an environment which is unhappy, and where children aren't treating each other with respect

Im undecided about this... I think kids will always laugh at a boy wearing a fairy outfit. If it bothers them they can change their clothes. It doesn't count as bullying IMO, as they really are asking for it.

But we wouldn't regard it as acceptable in a school to pick on a child because they had a different skin colour or a visible disability. Nor is it longer considered acceptable to make left-handed children write with their right hand.

It seems to be an issue akin to schools' failure to challenge homophobia, by arguing that young people should simply keep conceal their preferences. (Because if they don't, they are- presumably- asking for it.)

Obviously some parents are a lot more comfortable if their boys are 'boyish' and their girls 'girlie'. But I think schools - have a duty both socially and intellectually - to promote a more thoughtful (and caring) approach.

Greek yoghurt and pink willies? Tantamount to child abuse imo.

Ffs sake elskovs do you say that kind of shit about rape victims as well?!!

My ds1 wore a fairy outfit to a party at four yes, not a problem and ds3 has worn therm to school in yr one and it wasn't a problem. Some schools seem perfectly able to promote diversity and acceptance etc.

Children dont ask to be bullied that is an absurd thing to say and its a shitty victim blaming mentality.

And no-one is saying not to help prepare a child yo cope with problems, the op has already said she has done this. But you can do that and still challenge the negative behaviors sc as teasing. The school should be made aware so they can talk about being accepting etc as other teachers have already said its part of the early years curriculum.

But we don't know whether the teacher DID say anything, either before or after he changed his outfit. He might not have realised this because any decent teacher would have couched it in generic terms and not singled him out specifically. She could say it every day all day but she can't stop individuals saying unkind things if they are determined to without physically gagging them.

"as they really are asking for it"

.....

Its not the same as being bullied for looking different.

A boy wearing a fairy costume WILL get laughed at. Its up to him if he wants to put up with it or not.

I don't see it as his right to be able to wear what he likes without a reaction.

Don't know how that makes me a rape victim blamer!

everyone who stands out needs a bloody good thumping. Her ds is lucky he only got teased for wearing something only for girls. All people need to fit in and conform. This is how society is.

Satisfied?

I also think its too much to ask of a 5 year old not to laugh at a boy in a princess dress or whatever. They ARE funny, I find cross dressing funny and Im an adult.

Men in make up and dresses are traditionally used in comedy, pantos etc.

ghostly I am completely at some of the views expressed on this thread.

The message, loud and clear, is Don't dare to be different.

I also find it odd that schools and 4 yr are supposed to be 'promote tolerance and acceptance' and yet I can post my opinion on here and get 'sheesh' written as a result, I am lucky not to get 'FFS'!
I expect there was tolerance and acceptance from the teachers and all the older children who are just inclined to think 'how sweet' and not bat an eye. It was his peers who laughed.

The message is certainly not 'don't dare to be different' - the message is , yes do dare to be different, but be aware that you have to deal with it. Some people are perfectly happy to deal with it and are very successful and others can't.

be aware that you have to deal with it

The best way to build up a child's confidence is for them to feel safe, supported, and told that they're accepted just as they are.

Telling a child that they're going to be bullied and have to "deal with it" on their own, whatever that means, is likely to make them feel less sure of themselves.

A young child should not have to just take on board any poor treatment by others, and deal with any upset by themselves. Asking an adult they trust for support and help including telling bullies they are wrong, is exactly how they should "deal with it".

Who said 'deal with it on their own'?
Teasing goes on, it is not bullying. A few 4yr olds laughed at him.

I could go out now, walk into town in a onesie. If I do I have to be prepared to get some odd looks, I would probably get a few people laughing and I might have to put up with what some people think 'humorous' remarks. What I can't expect is to control other's responses.
As an adult I know this. I know that even as an adult if I was to dress up for children in need in a costume very different from everyone else's I couldn't control people's reactions. I prefer to fit in- I know people who don't give two hoots- it is personality. 4yr olds have to work out which they are and how they will deal with it.

Exactly Satin. Unless he was physically hurt or threatened there is nothing the teachers could've done anyway.

You cant tell people what to find funny. A boy in a dress is pretty funny

I have fairly shy, sensitive children and so I am going to tell them the possible reaction before they finalise their decision. The decision is theirs to make.

Actually my 3rd son could have managed it, my middle one definitely couldn't and not sure about the eldest.
It is personality.

A boy in a dress is pretty funny But why is that? Because it isn't the 'norm', we're not used to seeing it.

What is intrinsically funny about a boy in a dress?

Not exactly the point, but he wasn't wearing a dress!

The message is certainly not 'don't dare to be different' Actually, on this thread, it sort of is, or you get accused of using your child as 'cannon fodder' or throwing your child 'to the wolves' to further your theories about gender stereotypng.

Have to say the whole point of them going in onsies was for a bit of fun and to laugh at each other- none of mine went in wearing them.

Exactly Retropear- understood by all, except 4yr olds! It only appears to be the 4yr old who laughed and they are the very ones just learning about gender and are then in trouble for not taking a mature attitude!

It also should be nothing about the adult 'daring to be different' for their child, it is about the child 'daring to be different' which is more likely to happen when they have a bit more experience of life and are actually 'daring' and not just innocent. Since they are innocent I would point it out and then let them decide.