to be shocked by this little girl

[runningbutnotfastenough]

Picked DD up from school yesterday, only to be confronted by one of DDs' friends' ( i say friend, i mean it in the loosest sense of the word, they are both 7)
she marched up to me and said ' runniing, could i have a word with you in private please' I had DD with me, and her friend who was coming round for tea. I told her no, i couldnt talk to her in private as there was nowhere private, she said ' i want to talk to you about your DDs behaviour, she was mean to me today'
i asked her what had happened and got a garbled thing which made no sense, so i asked if the school had sorted it out at the time, she said yes, so i said ' great, lets leave it at that then'

Questionned DD and the friend in the car, apparently this girl told a dinner lady my DD had said sometihng she hadnt, another friend had backed my DD up and so this girl ( the one that had a word with me) had got told off.

Im just utterly shocked that a 7 year old would come over and speak to me like that.... and would think i would take her ' side' over hers.

Oh great Schmoozer, we haven't done class yet have we, lets make it all about that! Op if you could kindly supply an assessment of your percieved relative socio-economic... Actually don't. Schmoozer are you a Marxist or do you just want to fight the OP cos basically you think criticising some behaviour anonymously and in an abstract way is 'slagging off a child'. Out of interest how do you cope with parents evenings, or are all you children angels?

Joni it is an issue I agree, but don't think the OP has done anything wrong for thinking that a girl is cheeky, so can't see how you can use this as a stick to beat her with. I don't like the term 'Madam' as it is rather gendered but that is really a massive tangent to this thread. If the teacher responded differently to this incident because girls were involved as opposed to boys that would be another issue.

needaholiday

not quite a baby. Nowhere near an adult

At least we can agree on something sandfish

Is it not possible to view it as yes, she was rude (because it was) but that she wasn't necessarily intending to be rude?...though after your subsequent post giving more of a picture on what happened I'd be more inclined to hazard a guess that she's pretty used to getting what she wants, when she wants it, how she wants it...as YoutheCat noted, from what I am told most ASD children don't tend to make up stories to get people into trouble...

Rockin - I hope your 18:50 comment wasn't aimed at me...there is nothing arrogant about pointing out that SN children can appear rude without meaning to be, because just like NT children they can do. And I don't think you were picking on me...I was just adding my experience because that's my experience. If it wasn't...well, great.

birds, dd is my only child, as ive just said, first ive come across it.

I mix with other families, not see it before.

first time ive come across it, certainly wouldnt have done it when i was a child, didnt happen when i was little, hasnt happened to any of the school gate mums in the same peer group yet...."

I would describe that as "selective memory", if "all the other mums have never encountered this, in their lifetime, tbh.

My work has involved children, I am in my 40's, seen it plenty of times, this age group thinking that they can give adults advice, or think that they know a better way if doing things.

I agree that girls tend to be described in negative terms, whilst boys are showing leadership qualities.

why can't she tell u... I think that's good, so what the teacher sorted it, is it not. just the teachers responsibility, it's the parents too!
and if a child no matter what age had asked to talk to me in private, then that's what I would of done!!!

I have two DSs, so different from each other. DS2 occasionally behaves in ways I would not think were "representative of my parenting"

I also work with children, and think it's our responsibility to remember that their behaviour is rarely "personal"

"I mix with other families, not see it before."

Have you been with this age group, as the one in charge? If not, you would have been given lots of advice on what you should be doing and been corrected what you are doing wrong .

yes i have, ive been a part of brownies for many years.

birds, ive not seen it happen at the school gate with her age group. we are all ' friends' and stand together. No one has ever had a child come up to them and address them so, i would have seen it ( and been equally shocked)

Sandfish, not trying to imply class issue,
But that OP would prefer the child
A) not to speak to her
B) if she has to speak, be subservient in some way
Assertiveness misinterpreted as rudeness / deviancy IMO

Brownies / girlguiding promotes assertiveness, confidence, communication skills, being true to ones beleifs, !
It stands for empowerment of girls !!

This really is a bit of a phase for seven year old girls. It really is a case of seven year old girl feels aggrieved about something that has been 'dealt with' and takes it to another adult. They do grow out of it mostly.

Almost all of them will do it at some point. Probably even those DDs of parents on this thread who are smugly thinking that their child never did. If I'd had to tell every parent of a year 2 child that their child had brought something to me that had been dealt with by another member of staff I'd never have had time to do anything else.

No not at all diagnostic I've only just now seen your post (had to go back a page to spot it, hence why I missed it)

& yes, you are probably right it was a sweeping statement, I do know SN DCs & adults can be blunt to the point of seeming rude at times, I suppose with the ones we know I just don't see it as rude as I'm so used to it, just see it as their particular quirk :) & I suppose I took issue with SN being thrown into the pot as there is a whole load of other things in the OP & following updates that pointed to this little girl not being SN at all, so perhaps got a bit carried away with the generalisation - though that said, I can't imagine any I know acting in the way of this little girl.

I too stand for the empowerment of girls -

just not at the expense of crushing femininity out of them if that is their natural way to be, nor crushing masculinity out of boys as if its something to be ashamed of - or imagining sexism where it doesn't exist or dragging it into unrelated threads

Lots of people have agreed that there is a debate to be had about sexism in the context of this thread rockin Your response was to call them the Feminazis.

The teacher might not even be aware of what happened in the first place. At my daughter's school, the teacher doesn't supervise the lunch time.

If I was in this situation I would probably listen to what the girl had to say. Than I would enquire my own daughter after play date was over so I would be able to assess the situation better.

Why don't you have a word with the teacher or dinner lady OP?

I agree with all the posters who are defending the right of a girl to speak to an adult and to be determined to be heard.
I hope she carries on being confident and outspoken.

And I very much doubt she would have the 'audacity' to talk to an adult 'like that' if her intention was to lie about the very own child of that adult...

Also OP, talking down to you... honestly? a 7 year old? maybe that is the way you feel because she wanted to point out something about your PFB that you didn't want to listen. How can a 7 year old even talk down to an adult?

i stand for empowerment of girls.

I dont stand for arrogance or manipulation.

I just remembered that at the time the girl came over, both DD and her friend said to her ' No, and then said to me ' she said she was going to tell my mum on me'

I had forgotten that.

i dont see a debate for sexism in this thread.

Ah, Rockin...for some reason I thought it was...now that probably was a bit arrogant of me

it was her intention to lie, which is what she did. She had already been told off for lying by the dinner lady who then made her appolgise to DD

of course i spoke to DD about what happened and gave her ways to deal with this girl when she continues to harass her ( like today)

and i did listen to her to, i didnt automatically dismiss her, i listen and then said since i wasnt there and it was dealt with at school i think its best to leave it there.

I don't know why you bothered posting in AIBU, because despite asking the question, you don't want to hear anyone's opinion or experience, unless it agrees with yours.

OK schmoozer, have to agree to differ. I think she sounds like she was both assertive and arrogant. I'd see it like this:

Talking to classmates Mum - not rude (that really would be Victorian if rude!)
Speaking politely but assertively - not rude
Asking for privacy in a public situation - inconvenient/impossible
Tone of superiority (as subjectively observed by OP) - rude
Subject matter - rude

By speaking on this subject directly to the OP the child has rejected her teacher's authority to deal with the situation, instead, having not got what she wanted, she has taken matters into her own hands. She also feels it is appropriate to discuss her classmate with her own Mother as if she was qualified (like a teacher) or experienced (like another parent) to do so. This is inappropriate. She is not an adult and this is not her job.
As I said earlier I think it is like getting an answer you don't like from your Line manager and then going over their head. Exceptionally you have to do it. But you'd better be pretty sure you have some great moral high ground cos your line manager is going to be pretty pissed off.

Bottom line- she's a kid, she needs to learn. But if she is never corrected as a child it will be the 'school of hard knocks' instead I think is rather cruel.

Well OP you were there and you know the kids involved. We don't.
But if this girl is harassing your daughter and making up lies about her than you definitely need to talk to the teacher. Even though you gave your daughters ways to deal with the girl herself.

Wow there is a lot of worrying talk about 'little madam' never mind brat. I think you have over reacted OP and as others have said she is learning how to handle social situations.