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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be shocked by this little girl

277 replies

runningbutnotfastenough · 12/11/2013 13:26

Picked DD up from school yesterday, only to be confronted by one of DDs' friends' ( i say friend, i mean it in the loosest sense of the word, they are both 7)
she marched up to me and said ' runniing, could i have a word with you in private please' I had DD with me, and her friend who was coming round for tea. I told her no, i couldnt talk to her in private as there was nowhere private, she said ' i want to talk to you about your DDs behaviour, she was mean to me today'
i asked her what had happened and got a garbled thing which made no sense, so i asked if the school had sorted it out at the time, she said yes, so i said ' great, lets leave it at that then'

Questionned DD and the friend in the car, apparently this girl told a dinner lady my DD had said sometihng she hadnt, another friend had backed my DD up and so this girl ( the one that had a word with me) had got told off.

Im just utterly shocked that a 7 year old would come over and speak to me like that.... and would think i would take her ' side' over hers.

OP posts:
ChippingInLovesAutumn · 12/11/2013 20:04

If you feel 'talked down to' by a 7 year old, then you have some issues that you need to address - which have nothing to do with this little girl. Yes it was 'forward' and it was a bit naughty to try to get our DD in trouble - but seriously, you cannot feel 'talked down to' by a 7 year old unless you have other, unresolved issues. The natural reaction to this type of behaviour is to do your upmost not to laugh!

MrsOakenshield · 12/11/2013 20:10

why did you post OP? Because you are clearly determined that YANBU, so why bother?

TBH you should have listened to what you said to the girl, 'let's leave it at that, then'. But you didn't. You questioned your daughter and then you came on MN and have made a huge to-do about it.

7-year-old behaves slightly rudely to adult shocker. Hold the front page!

I actually think you handled it fine, you listened and responded but didn't indulge. Great, perfect. It sounds like perhaps she's a little immature, come back in a couple of years and let us know how she is then. And the whole story of what may or may not have happened sounds ludicrously garbled, like a teenager on the phone to their mate 'he said, well, she said, and then he was like, and the she said . . . '

Just leave it. Oh, and YABU to be shocked by this, it really isn't shocking!

(and please can we ditch the Feminazi tag?)

ElfontheShelfIsWATCHINGYOUTOO · 12/11/2013 20:12

She is 7 years old, not read whole thread but she is 7 and learning how to handle things.

You don't really know what was or wasn't said. I would have probably been very asmused if a child had come up to me like that.

I would think it quite funny, I dont think I would get down to the school mentality of taking sides.

ElfontheShelfIsWATCHINGYOUTOO · 12/11/2013 20:13

x post chipping sort of, hadnt read your post.

Original poster
runningbutnotfastenough · 12/11/2013 20:14

yeah, i dont go in for that whole ' laughing at children when they are being serious' type thing... to be honest thats maybe more damaging that some of the other things being bandied about on here.

OP posts:
jonicomelately · 12/11/2013 20:16

I think people are advising you to laugh it off rather than laugh at the girl OP.

sandfish · 12/11/2013 20:21

Blimey Chipping that's a bit harsh surely the OP is allowed to feel that the girl was arrogant in tone even if she didn't actually feel belittled by it? So if she laughed back at the girl would that have been OK?!

Feminine · 12/11/2013 20:23

Didn't it look just a bit comical run?

You are sounding a bit worked up over what many can see here over a non-event.

Chill would be my advice. There will be much worse to come...Grin

lljkk · 12/11/2013 20:24

I think that's ever so funny. Very sincere. Good on her for having the confidence to try to sort out her own problems.

AllDirections · 12/11/2013 20:30

I actually think you handled it fine, you listened and responded but didn't indulge.

I agree

LEMisafucker · 12/11/2013 20:31

Cannot believe this has turned into such a bun fight - it was mildly amusing, nothing more

ExcuseTypos · 12/11/2013 20:35

If you think this is shocking, wait until they hit puberty. Smile

thegamesafoot · 12/11/2013 20:35

I can't understand why the ASD angle was dropped - the OP stated that at a previous birthday party the girl decided to read a book & then complained that the children were making too much noise. To me that is a bright red ASD flag. Many girls on the spectrum never get diagnosed & they present differently from boys often appearing as shy, or highly talkative & precocious.

Seriously, how many children have you seen reading a book at a birthday party (when noisy games are going on)?

diagnosticnomansland · 12/11/2013 20:39

I still feel that it may actually be the case, games, except for the deliberately lying to get another into trouble....the following DD around shouting regarding the afterschool club screams PROBLEM to me too...but there you go...the problem could actually be a spoiled little manipulator too who isn't very clever at her own game. It's still all a bit of a storm in a teacup.

MuffCakes · 12/11/2013 20:41

OMG she is 7 ffs, OP you are being ridiculous IMO and more precious then she was precocious.

My dd speaks to adults all the time, in fact I make both my dc say hello and goodbye at the very least to my friends. I would be teaching my dc better manners if they didn't say hello to my friends standing next to me. Sounds so odd that she is the first child of your school friend groups that dares speak to another adult in this group.

MuffCakes · 12/11/2013 20:43

thegame my dd is not on a spectrum and would happily (yes she is also 7) read a book that she's into instead of her favourite tv show and no matter what friends were round. She also takes her book to school and parties for when she is bored. That does not mean she's AS.

Original poster
runningbutnotfastenough · 12/11/2013 20:47

muff - did you read any of the thread?

my child speaks to adults all the time too... that kind of wasnt the point

OP posts:
MuffCakes · 12/11/2013 20:52

I read all of you OP and it seems your offended because a little girl you know dared to speak to you about your precious only dd.

I would have found this funny if one of my dd's friends came up to me wagging their finger and laughed with the friends mum. I wouldn't feel the need to assert my adultness and superiority over a 7 yr old.

MuffCakes · 12/11/2013 20:52

I also agree whoever it was who said if this was a boy everyone would be falling over to laugh at his forwardness.

ElfontheShelfIsWATCHINGYOUTOO · 12/11/2013 20:56

I think those of us who have said we would find it funny wouldn['t be doubled over laughing in the childs face.
MORE of a bemused reaction. Rather than full on shock and horror.

I do know of someone who thinks her child is an angel, and he isn't.

I do know my DD but at the same time appreciate she is going to be different when away from me. so I would err on the side of caution if a girl came up to me to tell me something, just in case my DD had been mean. But I would over all be light hearted about this.

I think its good for children on that age to speak out rather than holds things in, until they learn whats appropriate to hold in and speak out about.

Original poster
runningbutnotfastenough · 12/11/2013 20:56

muff - wow.

goodness, this little girl is also an only child and a precious first born.

I also didnt assert myself over her and if you had read the thread as you claim to have done, you would know that

OP posts:
thegamesafoot · 12/11/2013 21:14

Muff - it's the combination of issues, not just that one issue. Whilst everyone isn't on the AS spectrum we are all on various spectrums e.g. introvert / extrovert. Your DD can read whilst noise goes on around her, this girl complained about the noise & is making a whole bunch of social blunders that may over time leave her socially struggling. There are many possible reasons but the combination of stuff would leave me wanting to find out more.

Considering that you are equal to adults in a way that most children don't is another chime for me too. As is the parroting of adult phrases and becoming emotionally upset when a routine changes (i.e. getting upset when OPs DD wasn't going to after school club).

Obviously I'm not saying she has ASD only that there's enough flags raised to make me wonder.

LondonNicki · 12/11/2013 21:16

She's 7!! Why are you even posting about this, let her be.....

usualsuspect · 12/11/2013 21:19

I really think you are too involved in the playground politics of your DDs friends.

cantsleep · 12/11/2013 21:21

Something similar happened to me once when ds1 was in reception.

The teacher called me in at the end of the day as there had been "an extremely unpleasant incident" all I kept thinking in my head was please don't tell me he got his willy out (ds was going through a phase at home at that time of always having it poking out of the button hole in his boxers and thought it was hilarious to show everybody) luckily it wasn't that.

Ds had in fact licked his hands and wiped them all over another child, the teacher said it had been dealt with and ds had apologised.all finished I thought.

The next day the child ds had done this to ran over to me after school and asked if I knew how naughty ds was and that he had got spit all over his jumper.i said yes I did know what had happened but he kept asking had i punished ds, had I shouted at him etc. I said no as the teachers had dealt with it and ds was sorry.
He proceeded to tell me that ds should write him a letter to say sorry as it was his only school jumper and his mum had had to wash it and she was very cross.

The next day he spoke to me again as he hadn't got his letter yet and still wanted to check if ds had been punished properly! His mum to be fair laughed it off and said it didn't matter but her ds was a bit sensitive about things like that.