to be shocked by this little girl

[runningbutnotfastenough]

Picked DD up from school yesterday, only to be confronted by one of DDs' friends' ( i say friend, i mean it in the loosest sense of the word, they are both 7)
she marched up to me and said ' runniing, could i have a word with you in private please' I had DD with me, and her friend who was coming round for tea. I told her no, i couldnt talk to her in private as there was nowhere private, she said ' i want to talk to you about your DDs behaviour, she was mean to me today'
i asked her what had happened and got a garbled thing which made no sense, so i asked if the school had sorted it out at the time, she said yes, so i said ' great, lets leave it at that then'

Questionned DD and the friend in the car, apparently this girl told a dinner lady my DD had said sometihng she hadnt, another friend had backed my DD up and so this girl ( the one that had a word with me) had got told off.

Im just utterly shocked that a 7 year old would come over and speak to me like that.... and would think i would take her ' side' over hers.

haha i have to say, my initial reaction was OMG that is SO the kind of thing that DS1 would say, and he has ASD. Until recently no-one at his school knew, because he didn't know either!

you handled it well :)

I'm extremely impressed. She was polite, she realised it was better to speak in private; there are lot of adults that would have dealt with the situation much more unreasonably.

I really hope that one day my daughters will have the confidence to do the same in those circumstances, but I know it wont ever happen.

This probably won't go down well with some - but sod it, IME

Personally I think this is worth flagging to your DDs teacher - not because the incident itself is any real big deal, but because this little madam needs watching.

IME with a girl just like this, who tried this same tack with me several times & just as precociously - she has the potential to be a manipulative little bully & one with a DM who thinks the sun shines out & every other DC in class is there to make her DDs life hell - my own DD ended up being accused of bullying by such a little angel & her DM -

it couldn't have been further from the truth - it was the other way around, the little madam was jealous of DD because she had a similar skill set, a skill set the DM had put her on a pedestal for & the girl had no clue how to share the limelight - she set about sabotaging DDs artwork at every opportunity & then crying wolf that DD was picking on her - I witnessed this for myself too - but the DM was up at the school day in day out - eventually left as she insisted the school were wrong & her DD was a victim not the other way around -

I'm pleased to say though that her DF did see it for what it was & we still see them from time to tim & thanks to te new school being closer to him & therefore him having more involvement & taking no nonsense & putting the DD straight, she's now actually a nice kid :)

You could take the angle - that you are concerned that a DC is demanding to speak to unknown adults in private

I find it quite amusing tbh 7 is just a little girl , I wouldn't give it a second thought.

I'm failing to see the problem tbh

Rockin I think that would be a cynical lie designed to cause trouble (the fake 'concern' bit I mean). I'm sorry your daughter had a bad time of course, but this girl isn't that girl, and we have no reason to think she's anything other than a bit precocious and cheeky and generally normally 7 years old.

I think you're projecting and wanting to get her into trouble, tbh, because your dd had an unfortunate time of it. But making up some bollocks about 'concern that she wants to talk to adults in private' would be mean, nasty and dishonest.

Good lord, I would probably laugh. She sounds very articulate and confident, not really a bad thing is it.

What she did was rather naughty (making things up) but I don't think it is necessarily the mark of a little madam.

Exactly Mumbrage. She's just mirroring her parent's behaviour. She's just going through a precocious stage, try to see past it (annoying as it is!).

i do know shes not on the spectrum, i know her parents quite well.

I actually think good for her, standing up for herself.

Not really - it's not the first time I've seen this & they back story makes it worth a thought - DD had very a ver similar problem with another girl, though older when that escalated & I know if others in RL who have experienced the same thing, we talked about it amongst friends with DCs elsewhere at the time, so seemed our experience really wasn't that unusual, how it turns out of course is down to the support the girl gets at home, but if she's a "princess" then she may need guidance at school too

& it is worth watching & raising it with her DDs teacher that way is kinder than accusing her & TBH I would have been concerned if my own DD was demanding to speak to other unknown adults in this way at such an age - who's to say this DD won't be doing that down the local park too ??

So not projecting anything at all just been a realist with a different life experience & opinion to your own

How is it standing up for herself if the little girl made it up to get someone else into trouble?

rockin - actually. i might do that.

Apparently what had happened is she told a dinner lady that my DD was bullying her. DD got told off first until another girl who is friends with them both stepped in and said that my DD was telling the truth.

Also - she told the girl who was here last night not to come round to our house, so maybe there is something more to it that the teacher needs to be aware of.

So is your concern that this little girl might try to speak to adults in the park () or that she is the same as some other girls you've known? Because your longer explanation above still seems very much to be tacking on this fake concern issue as a way to get the girl into trouble due to your primary motivation, and as such seems dishonest and unpleasant.

It sounds to me like a little girl who is jealous of your dd's friendship with the other girl and she's trying to stir it.

Sadly some girls are very manipulative.

How is it standing up for herself if the little girl made it up to get someone else into trouble?

If you read the OP properly, you'll see that that's only the OP's daughter's version of events........

Also, it could've been a genuine mishearing on the little girl's part.

DS1 (AS) would totally say something like that. He makes me laugh/cringe in equal measure at the things he comes out with sometimes. Often it's phrases he's heard on the TV, and he's got a rather pompous and lofty delivery at times.

I was sniggering at something once and he said "I have to say mummy I do love you but if I'm being PERFECTLY honest, at times I do find you SLIGHTLY immature".

Well that's me told.....

saucy - no it isnt. i asked the 'friend' who came round what had happened as so to get an objective view. Shes friends with both girls and has also been in their class since they started school.

Is there another way you would have preferred her to speak to you OP?

I would talk to a teacher about it as its just an extension of her nastiness / bullying in the school isn't it?

Imagine how she wanted your dd to feel - alienated and without support from her own mum? I do happen to think that's nasty and she needs to be told to stop.

And it's not really about the girls way of speaking is it? It's about the girl trying for the third time in one day to get the dd into trouble and upset her!

The fact is, none of us know what was said because we weren't there.

Maybe she did mishear, or misunderstand.

Maybe she is out to make trouble.

Maybe something unkind was said and your daughter's friend is backing her up because it's awkward to tell you (her mum) the truth. Just saying.

But I still don't think that being assertive is a bad thing and think she was pretty polite for a 7 year old.

gutted123 your DS1 sounds just like my DS1. He keeps going up to DS2's teacher, saying "please can I have a word with you?" and then tells them everything he thinks they are doing wrong with DS2 and pointing out how they can improve. Apparently he's not on the spectrum