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AIBU?

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Original poster

to be shocked by this little girl

277 replies

runningbutnotfastenough · 12/11/2013 13:26

Picked DD up from school yesterday, only to be confronted by one of DDs' friends' ( i say friend, i mean it in the loosest sense of the word, they are both 7)
she marched up to me and said ' runniing, could i have a word with you in private please' I had DD with me, and her friend who was coming round for tea. I told her no, i couldnt talk to her in private as there was nowhere private, she said ' i want to talk to you about your DDs behaviour, she was mean to me today'
i asked her what had happened and got a garbled thing which made no sense, so i asked if the school had sorted it out at the time, she said yes, so i said ' great, lets leave it at that then'

Questionned DD and the friend in the car, apparently this girl told a dinner lady my DD had said sometihng she hadnt, another friend had backed my DD up and so this girl ( the one that had a word with me) had got told off.

Im just utterly shocked that a 7 year old would come over and speak to me like that.... and would think i would take her ' side' over hers.

OP posts:
jonicomelately · 12/11/2013 19:01

Good grief. You are determined to miss the point aren't you? The point about abuse arose because a poster said she'd have told the girl not to tell tales.

sandfish · 12/11/2013 19:01

Joni, whilst I happen to agree with your view that girls can lack confidence, surely it is possible to address arrogance and rudeness without crushing confidence and spirit? If we tiptoe around Girls for fear we may crush them with rebuke is that not a little patronising? Boys do not have a monopoly on resilience in my experience. And plenty of boys lack confidence too.

Schmooze,r do you have to put people into little ideological boxes to dismiss them without listening to what they are actually saying. (Some Victorians were feminists after all!)

jonicomelately · 12/11/2013 19:01

That was to the OP!

NewtRipley · 12/11/2013 19:01

now, not know

Original poster
runningbutnotfastenough · 12/11/2013 19:02

schmoozer - NO, nothing like that at all. IF she had been upset and had wanted to talk to me about something, i would have all the time for her. I do not have time to be spoken down to by a 7 year old.

newt- i dont think i talkl about her like a contemporary, please show me where i have done this?

OP posts:
Schmoozer · 12/11/2013 19:03

The SA reference was clearly a point about not pushing the dont tell tales bollocks.
If there is something anything a child is not sure about, unhappy about, whatever they should know its ok to talk to adults about.
It was suggested that a 7 yr old could differentiate between what may be ok to tell and what may be regarded as talentelling with the potential to be made to feel bad about telling.
It was a good point.

ZooTimeIsSheAndYouTime · 12/11/2013 19:03

They can be like that at 7. Mini adults and sticklers for rules (unless its them under scrutiny). Just nod and smile through gritted teeth. We still have one now still doing it at 12. My gritted teeth get quite worn down.

NewtRipley · 12/11/2013 19:04

"Spoken down to" - the fact that this upsets you rather than just makes you laugh makes me think she has "got" to you as if she was a woman not a little girl.

Meglet · 12/11/2013 19:04

I don't think it was rude. One of DS's friends is similar, she once announced to me that 'littleboymeglet' "has been really good today" Smile.

Original poster
runningbutnotfastenough · 12/11/2013 19:05

fwiw i didnt crush her confidence anyway, i gave her time and responded.

OP posts:
jonicomelately · 12/11/2013 19:06

Agreed Sandfish but I can't condone a 7 year old being casually labelled as a madam, fusspot, telltale, bossy, whatever the context. It just doesn't sit comfortably with me, because having two boys I see how being confident and not worried about expressing their opinions are valued and admired. I should add I'm not keen on naughty children. I'm very strict with mine and the teachers tell me they're thoughtful and well mannered. I make my comments based on observations I've seen with their school friends. Assertive girls are absolutely vilified. The people doing this don't recognise this and wouldn't understand the point if it bit them on the arse ( looking at this thread this isn't uncommon sadly). If we want more female judges, CEOs, politicians, entrepreneurs, we need a massive rethink.

Schmoozer · 12/11/2013 19:06

Please mlady....
Can i please tell you about what happened today with me and your DD at school, if you would be so kind, please ???

Jeez.....

BasilBabyEater · 12/11/2013 19:07

FFS

She's seven

WTF is wrong with some of you. Grow up.

NewtRipley · 12/11/2013 19:07

And also, you said:

"She doesn't have any say in how I parent my child"

Obviously. She's 7.

Original poster
runningbutnotfastenough · 12/11/2013 19:07

newt - she spoke down to me. As several people have said IF there was a problem with DD, it should come from the teacher, it is not this childs job to discuss this with me.

i wouldnt laugh about it, and its got to me in the fact that im just shocked that it happened, its not something i have come accross before.

OP posts:
Schmoozer · 12/11/2013 19:08

Well said JONI

NewtRipley · 12/11/2013 19:09

"It's not this child's job to discuss this with me"

She doesn't know this. She's parroting an adult. She's 7.

MrsDeVere · 12/11/2013 19:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
runningbutnotfastenough · 12/11/2013 19:11

joni, my DD was labelled as assertive and a 'natural leader' aged 4. shes now quieter and shyer at school as a result.

i know what you mean, it doesnt go down well. However, this incident wasnt anything like that.

schmoozer - thats too stupid a comment to even respond to.

OP posts:
LynetteScavo · 12/11/2013 19:11

Wow.

I reckon this little girl was repeating an expression she has heard adults using. As she's 7yo, she hasn't yet learnt that it wasn't really appropriate.

I wouldn't be shocked. She sounds like a confident child, who is still learning the finer points of social intercourse.

needaholidaynow · 12/11/2013 19:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Birdsgottafly · 12/11/2013 19:16

"newt - she spoke down to me. As several people have said IF there was a problem with DD, it should come from the teacher, it is not this childs job to discuss this with me.
, its not something i have come across before."

This is something that you will encounter again and your DD will have moments of being the world expert on something's, as all 7-10 (especially girls) do, on occasion.

You response is ridiculous, children if this age do go through bossy stages and think that it is appropriate to police others, even adults, sometimes.

Once it is picked up

Original poster
runningbutnotfastenough · 12/11/2013 19:18

my response in being shocked?

first time ive come across it, certainly wouldnt have done it when i was a child, didnt happen when i was little, hasnt happened to any of the school gate mums in the same peer group yet....

OP posts:
BasilBabyEater · 12/11/2013 19:18

YY Joni.

I bet a boy of seven would have got indulgent smiles and shrieks of laughter at his forwardness.

Birdsgottafly · 12/11/2013 19:19

Sorry, once it is picked up on, children are usually quick to understand that they shouldn't do this.

It is a natural stage of development.

I often wonder how little posters across MN mix with other families as their children go through these different stages, seeming as they have little experience of natural behaviour (until it is corrected) in children, as they grow and develop.