To text DHs friend??..

[Worrieddd]

Need some advice ladies.

DH has been out on the piss all day. He rarely goes out, infact probably 5 times a year but when he does he does the whole hog and gets absolutely annihilated. I fucking hate it but bite my tongue. Every time it's the same he goes out, and at some point stops texting or answering his phone.

So this morning he left at 9am - text me at 3ish to say he was in a pub. I haven't heard from him since! I'm so bloody annoyed and worried. The thing is he does this every year, every Remembrance Sunday. Last year he lost all his mates and got kicked out of the bar. The year before I found him wandering the streets absolutely smashed. He's always supposed to ring me to pick him up but never does.

So today I have got so angry at him not answering the phone that I've grabbed my parents house keys (they are on holiday) and come to theirs, it's in another town 50mins away.

I guess it's to teach him a lesson. I want him to get home and wonder where the fuck I am and be worried like I am freaking out about now , I also know that when he finally turns up we will have a massive argument and well I don't want to see him in the state he is going to be in.

However I am also worried sick. What if something has happened to him? I know he's got form but what if one time something has happened? argh, shall I text his mate and ask if they're all together? I don't know what to do. One part of me is just to sod it and leave him to fester and when he gets home will be wondering where I am??

Help

There are two separate issues here: one is checking up on someone who goes out on an occasional bender (unreasonable); the other is living with someone who pretty obviously has a drinking problem.

I can't work out how people come I the conclusion that if u get so pissed 5 times a year that your an alcoholic! People can drink every day and get pissed and not be tarred with that brush!!!

I personally drink 5-6 times a year because I choose to, I've seen a true alcoholic who drank every day for 40 years have a life support machine switched off because their body can't cope!!! Big big difference!!!!

Op sorry for hijacking - I don't think our husband has a drink problem, I think you need to keep yourself busy when he's out! He has a stressful job, what else does he do to relax and de stress ??

I can't believe you've linked to a thread in bereavement to back up what you're saying

I've never seen that before on here, the OP of that thread might not want it 'advertised' on AIBU.

Morning.

Well he is ready for work and has sheepishly come into the lounge, stroked my hair and asked if I'm speaking to him.

I'm actually really pissed off with him. The issue isn't him going out it's about him not even telling me where, or who with or what time to expect him in. Apparently that friend was out with him but left a bit earlier and he will have lied automatically rather than prompted to. I do trust him implicitly, ha ya wouldn't go near him in that state trust me but again it's just about having the decency to phone or text me to let me know where he is.

He knows I'm a worrier. A simple, 'I'm just put at bla bla, it's gonna be a late one, don't wait up' is all I'm asking.

He's told me he didn't even realise I wasn't in last night, well where the fuck else was I going to be?! Don't think he remembers anything about getting home or the latter parts of the night. And yes I completely agree with those saying Remembrance Sunday is just an excuse to get shafted. Yep that's all it is, they take advantage of the free club entries and cheap bars. I remember when we first got married and I went to one of these events with some of the other wives... It was a crock of shit.

Apologies Agent. I didn't think about the original OP not wanting it linking. I read about what happened to her son when he was out and freaked out as I'd not heard from DH. It was only after reading that thread that id actually rung DH as others up thread we're making me out to be some psycho controlling bitch.

We live in a coastal town and it's not unheard of of finding people who have been out drinking swept out to sea etc.

Your DP sounds like a thoughtless arse. Have you considered his mate? He sounds like a nice bloke!

YANBU. Your DP is rude, thoughtless and unkind. And if he's pissed the bed, he should clean it up. Frankly, if you've had so much to drink that you piss yourself, you probably have a drinking problem.

You should incredibly controlling

where WAS he then? If lying about whereabouts?

you sound very patient

I would make the rule that he has to come back the same day as he leaves, if he leaves at 9am!!

You can't give adults rule!!!

If my dh told me what time I would have to be in or told me I had to be in the same day he would seriously have words aimed at him that are not very lady like!! That's controlling and borderline abuse !

lol at abuse.
I have an H who goes out when he wants but i make sure i am not " what he does" ( ) when he has nothing better to do. Or the wee wifey at home. SO there is something there, yes

But I do think it is very inconsiderate not to let a partner who has undergone significant emotional upheaval where you are in a 36 hour period, at night

Sorry " let a partner know"

Fucking hell, he gets pissed 5 times a year and apparently this makes him an alcoholic

He was in town I presume dancing with the kids . Think the mate I texted had just left early. Wish I hadn't texted him either.

I don't think I'm being controlling at all! I don't care that he goes out. I just want to know that he is ok. He knows I worry yet does this time and time again.

This man has also experienced a very difficult time in regards to family business, nevermind what he sees on the job ! People grieve differently, so this man got drunk - so wha people do it !!! Op, you know what he's like and u still get wound up and you both argue over it! Deal with it or leave him To deal with it

And I did ask if he knew where I was last night, he just went 'errr' like it was a trick question. I don't understand how you can't realise your partner is not at home when you get in. I could have been anywhere??!

If this were me and H I would have:

a) made him stay somewhere else to avoid drunken snores/farts and so I could go to sleep and not half sleep wondering if he is home

b) expected him to text , say mid afternoon or early evening to say "HI everything fine having a great time see you later, dunno when i will be home" out of consideration, not control

How come you were checking his phone btw OP? That's a big no no for me!

strumpetron I was just thinking exactly the same thing!

Sorry I didn't suggest rules it was another poster!

Perhaps the dh doesn't text because he just knows he's going to get grief either way!

YABU.

It's remembrance, he's in the army.

Let the him go out and have a few. It's a couple of times a year, not every weekend. If you know he does this every year why are you being overbearing with it. He should keep in touch, I agree, but texting the friends seems OTT - his friends aren't responsible for him.

Re: pissing the bed. The ex military chaps I work with seem to take this as the pinnacle of being pissed, and generally proud of it. Grim. Not for me TBH, but may be a cultural thing with his army mates.

Let's be honest he should text. I think the OP has every right to be worried and I myself would probably have text one if my DP's friends (we're on good terms anyway) but he ALWAYS texts me.

I think it's all been blown out of proportion, which is easy to do when you're worried and some posters on here are saying 'LTB'

pissing the bed is disgusting

not " a cultural thing" ffs

agree strump

Also I find I am not in the least bit interested where H is when i am busy/ having fun myself

Spencer I never said I agreed with pissing the bed, but yes - the culture in their unit was to be able to say that they pissed, shat or puked in bed after an insane session. If all 3 they became infamous.

Serious BOAK.