To text DHs friend??..

[Worrieddd]

Need some advice ladies.

DH has been out on the piss all day. He rarely goes out, infact probably 5 times a year but when he does he does the whole hog and gets absolutely annihilated. I fucking hate it but bite my tongue. Every time it's the same he goes out, and at some point stops texting or answering his phone.

So this morning he left at 9am - text me at 3ish to say he was in a pub. I haven't heard from him since! I'm so bloody annoyed and worried. The thing is he does this every year, every Remembrance Sunday. Last year he lost all his mates and got kicked out of the bar. The year before I found him wandering the streets absolutely smashed. He's always supposed to ring me to pick him up but never does.

So today I have got so angry at him not answering the phone that I've grabbed my parents house keys (they are on holiday) and come to theirs, it's in another town 50mins away.

I guess it's to teach him a lesson. I want him to get home and wonder where the fuck I am and be worried like I am freaking out about now , I also know that when he finally turns up we will have a massive argument and well I don't want to see him in the state he is going to be in.

However I am also worried sick. What if something has happened to him? I know he's got form but what if one time something has happened? argh, shall I text his mate and ask if they're all together? I don't know what to do. One part of me is just to sod it and leave him to fester and when he gets home will be wondering where I am??

Help

[SpencerPercival]

yaya

our heroes, the army.

[flowery]

"Both OH and I go out occasionally with our own friends, but neither of us gets so drunk that we don't know what day it is or piss in the bed. It is called being grown up."

Agree with this from Bunbaker . I genuinely don't get this behaviour from adults (as opposed to students or teenagers). I mean, why??!

But I appreciate I'm in the minority on this thread.

[SpencerPercival]

im with you flowery.
I havent wet the bed since i was a toddler, and i have enjoyed beer a lot

[Valdeeves]

I think this all depends on whether you have had a husband get hammered and get badly beaten up. Then I think you would worry about it.
For me it just pisses me off as well - why when they go out do they have to get slaughtered, so they can't walk??
What's the point? Why can't they just go out and have a laugh until 2/3 in the morning?
I agree with the poster who said its not adult behaviour - if that makes me sound like a killjoy then that's how it is.
We all had our teens and our twenties to get sh*t faced.
Time to grow up.

[HowlingTrap]

Why does he get in such a state every time?

[Worrieddd]

I clicked on the standby button on DHs phone so saw the text message on the home screen. I wanted to see if he had ignored my missed call and text message or had seen them.

[Worrieddd]

That is the million dollar question Howling. I don't understand the need to get so inebriated. He just does not know when to stop drinking. Even when we're on holiday he just won't stop. I don't get it.

[thistlelicker]

If you are so unhappy about it and what he does when he's drunk why do u accept it ?

[Worrieddd]

And yes Rigglin I have heard many grand slam stories. The one where they found a turd next to their very drunk friends playstation is particularly memorable

[SpencerPercival]

I think this is her NOT accepting it, thistle.

[Morloth]

He doesn't care how upset it makes her, so they only way things will change for the OP is if she leaves.

She probably, won't, he doesn't care, so she will accept it.

Personally the first time a grown adult pissed in my bed would be the last time.

[Morloth]

Excess commas there.

Sorry!

[thistlelicker]

If this is her not accepting, fair enough but it's happened previously it sounds regular ....

[SpencerPercival]

well we all tolerate things to a certain degree, dont we?

[RigglinJigglin]

so grim!

[Morloth]

How can anyone tolerate their 'partner' getting so drunk they piss themselves/the bed.

How can you even look at them with anything other than complete contempt?

I have seen this sort of thing mentioned many times on MN (never come across it in real life before, thank god). It does my head in. How could you want anything to do with someone so pathetic and selfish?

Yuck.

[BitOutOfPractice]

I must admit I did a sort of double take when the OP said as a sort of casual aside "of course he will piss the bed again' as if that were a minor aberration!

[PacificDogwood]

He will only change if he feels the need to. He doesn't, so he won't.

Worriedd, I think getting totally blotto 5 times a year is actually rather a lot and rather 'regular'.
It's called binge drinking and is not good for him, you or potentially those around him when he is in such a state.

Yes, I agree, you have to decide what your tolerance levels are - we all tolerate certain things we maybe don't totally approve of and it's up to everybody just what they will tolerate.

I find his behaviour ridiculous, undignified and very disrespectful of you.

[AvonCallingBarksdale]

the culture in their unit was to be able to say that they pissed, shat or puked in bed after an insane session. If all 3 they became infamous

That's a joke, right

OP, I think for a lot of people, one incidence of pissing in the bed would be enough.
He sounds like a prize arse, tbf.

[Rockinhippy]

Worried I'm really sorry for your loss, that must be unbearable to go through - actually I know it is as our good friend went through it twice, so I do feel for you in that, I really do & yes I can see why that would make you feel vulnerable & over anxious, but why drip feed ??

is it because you know deep down that the problem lies with you & that you are being OTT & hysterical as a result of your loss ??? Because you are you know & I mean that kindly, you can't live your life expecting the worst & get angry & upset with your DH for letting his hair down when it's something he does so infrequently & by your own admission it's nothing new.

I'm really not sure why you posted asking if YABU, because you clearly think that you are not & have no intention of listening to reason, so why bother asking at all - you seem only to want to hear the posts supporting your views, not the rational balanced non hysterical posters urge sting you need to cut your DH some slack - he went through the loss too, he also has a very stressful job & it's a cultural norm for squaddies to do this from time to time, it's really not the big deal you are making it out to be - THAT is in your head - the fact that you are paranoid enough to check his phone speaks volumes -

being pissed off with him for being a drunken arse who got so wankered he lost track of time & just didn't think & is annoying when he comes home, is fine, no one likes a drunk when they are sober & like someone up thread suggested, it's fine to get your own back the next day & then probably laugh about it later - that's a far more normal reaction to an ADULT going out & getting wankered & being an arse from time to time - bereavement or not, this OTT reaction is not.


My DH can do this from time to time too - he gets on my tits when he comes home rat arsed because he's a big annoying soppy, clumsy drunken lump - I'm not chasing him up & getting angry he forgot to call - he's probably forgotten how to tell the time by then anyway & is too wrapped up in football banter with his mates & I don't want him home anyway, if he stayed out all night or comes home when I'm fast asleep - result!! - I don't have to put up with him slobbering all over apologising over & over & being a big soppy arse & getting upset when I tell him to get stuffed - he knows if he's that drunk he doesn't get into bed with me anyway, that's the deal - I've suffered loss recently too - my attitude hasn't changed

it's a rare occasion as it is with your DH & I also know we wouldn't be married now if he expected me to check in with him & keep him updated with my every move if I was out with friends myself - because Im a grown up & he's my husband, not my mother -


Sorry if that's not what you want to hear, but you asked I'm not going to tell you other than the truth - bereavement or not, you are still being OTT

[olympicsrock]

I think the OP in bereavement would be pleased that both these threads highlight the dangers of young men getting incredibly drunk on nights out. Yes we've all done it but most of us get away with it. Occasionally we don't and something very bad happens. Our drinking culture has got out of hand when grown adults piss themselves .

[lil1ady]

to be fair the op asked if she was being unreasonable to text the friend, not to be annoyed with her insensitive husband. I think the later is a given. my dh would never dream if being so disrespectful to me, and the recent loss makes that worse. my thoughts are with u op.

so aubu to text the friend. IMO no, I would have done the same. I'd probably dead lock the door next time rather than leave the house. let the bastard sleep out in the cold.

[olympicsrock]

I meant to add so sorry for your loss and YANBU.

[Joysmum]

Ok, I have to ask since so many people have been picking up on the pissing the bed comment but you've not mentioned it again since (although you might have done and I've missed it), how many times has this happened? Was it just a one off?

[Morloth]

You shouldn't need to check up on your partner.

I don't/DH doesn't. We give each other a rough estimate of when we will be home. If that is going to be later than expected then we update.

It isn't difficult to not get so drunk you can't take care of yourself, it is really easy.