To text DHs friend??..

[Worrieddd]

Need some advice ladies.

DH has been out on the piss all day. He rarely goes out, infact probably 5 times a year but when he does he does the whole hog and gets absolutely annihilated. I fucking hate it but bite my tongue. Every time it's the same he goes out, and at some point stops texting or answering his phone.

So this morning he left at 9am - text me at 3ish to say he was in a pub. I haven't heard from him since! I'm so bloody annoyed and worried. The thing is he does this every year, every Remembrance Sunday. Last year he lost all his mates and got kicked out of the bar. The year before I found him wandering the streets absolutely smashed. He's always supposed to ring me to pick him up but never does.

So today I have got so angry at him not answering the phone that I've grabbed my parents house keys (they are on holiday) and come to theirs, it's in another town 50mins away.

I guess it's to teach him a lesson. I want him to get home and wonder where the fuck I am and be worried like I am freaking out about now , I also know that when he finally turns up we will have a massive argument and well I don't want to see him in the state he is going to be in.

However I am also worried sick. What if something has happened to him? I know he's got form but what if one time something has happened? argh, shall I text his mate and ask if they're all together? I don't know what to do. One part of me is just to sod it and leave him to fester and when he gets home will be wondering where I am??

Help

I wouldn't want to be around to witness my dh that pissed. So ynbu to leave however he prob won't wonder where you are he'll just pass out then piss the bed!

You can't reason or argue with a drunk person, leave him to it. I'd be less worried about the fact he doesn't text and more worried about how drunk he gets.

Sorry for your loss. Look.after yourself x

I don't blame you for being pissed off with his drinking or his lack of contact. I'm surprised everyone else is sooo cool. However, Remembrance Day is special circumstances, so I would not deal with it tonight.
Go home, find him snoring in your bed, put a towel down and talk to him calmly tomorrow about what his drinking means to you and what you're prepared to tolerate in the future. It doesn't actually matter what anyone else is prepared to put up with, if it pisses you off, that should be good enough.
From your description, I believe he's a problem binge drinker and I would not tolerate it. Good luck.

Lol
You sound like me
And I know ive got issues lol
Dh doesn't go out much as he works 6 days and the 7th is food shopping day lol.
When he does go out I used to text a lot and thst then thought fuck it. He will be home when hes ready but he doesn't get pissed so lil different.

Jealous my arse!
Worried I'm so sorry for your loss x
As I said I've been there with the partner who rarely goes out but when he does he has to go all out, it's got nothing to do with jealousy why you'd be anxious knowing they won't just be home with an aul bag of chips after the pubs closed, like most normal men! I used to love an evening in to myself and chat with friends on the phone, watch rubbish on telly etc but when I knew there'd be drink involved it ruined it for me because I'd have all sorts of scenarios in my head and be anxious before he'd even left, nothing do to with jealousy!
Probably won't help my non jealousy case but I was that kind of drinker before I had DD, wouldn't go out all the time but when I did I really went to town, very unfair on the person at home waiting for you and I shudder looking back!

OP, please try and get some sleep. When he's home and sober it would be really worth having a chat, this could be his way of dealing with his grief.

My (then partner) drinks much more frequently now that he's a "free man", but doesn't drink to excess and actually has a much healthier attitude to drink so I think thats saying something too!

Hello all,

Thank you for chatting to me tonight and thank you for understanding!

Well I couldn't stand it so drove all the way home and guess what...?! He's in bed fast asleep snoring away - in fact the fecker even left the front door unlocked and I nearly tripped over his bastard size 11s strewn in the hallway.

Guess we will have a chat tomorrow. Will try and get some sleep now - on the sofa, I'm not going ANYWHERE near him

Oh and just seen a text from his friend on his phone, the one I texted earlier asking DH to ring him cos yer mrs is worried! So he wasn't even with that particular friend. They all stick together...

If "chat" means give him a hard time, then don't. Just ask if he had a good time and remind him to lock the door next time.

I don't think you are at all unreasonable to want to know what he is up to when he has been out all day. I can't believe people think it's fine to vanish all day and not stay in touch.
I'm so glad he's home safe, and really really sorry about your loss.

Anyone else think that the way to mark Rembrance Sunday is not to get roaring drunk and wet the bed? Sounds like an excuse for drinking rather than a genuine way of honouring the fallen to me.

Fine to argue that he should be treated like an adult and be allowed to go out undisturbed IF he behaved like an adult. Wetting the bed, leaving the door unlocked, treating your partner with total disregard at a time of grief - that's hardly adult behaviour.

Sorry, posted too soon. OP, YANBU and I hope you are ok after a horrible night. I am very sorry for your loss .

I hope your chat goes well and he understands why this is unacceptable behaviour.

jellyandcake summed it up perfectly for me. Remembrance Day is about honouring those servicepeople who lost their lives protecting their country. I don't recall my DF who did 30+ years in the army go out every 11/11 each year to become piss in the bed drunk.

So so sorry about your loss OP x

Op glad he's back you you are hopeful getting some sleep after all your night driving!

I was basically going to say what Wholenut said.

My dh has had a few nights where he's come back totally battered, in tge end I told him when he goes out drinking he has to find somewhere else to spend the night!

Wetting tge bed is gross, he needs a plan sherbets it's sleeping in tge bath or whatever.

I'm so sorry about your baby, I'm sure this makes you want to make sure he's safe even more.

Basically you either accept he's going to do this every couple of months and you both make plans so it has as little impact on you as possible or tell him your not putting up with it anymore.

Ps is it really tgat shocking to find out his friend lied.

Ugh why anyone would put up with someone who drinks themselves into a piss-soaked stupor on a regular basis I will never understand.

He didn't even give a fuck that you and his children were not at home when he got back.

There's no point in talking to him when he's sober.

He was sober when he went out to get fucked up.

He doesn't give a fuck and just expects you to put up with his problem drinking.

This is nothing to do with jealousy or Remembrance Day.

Think you need a thread in Relationships OP.

He sounds quite a catch.......

Both OH and I go out occasionally with our own friends, but neither of us gets so drunk that we don't know what day it is or piss in the bed. It is called being grown up.

Regardless of what your husband does for a living I simply find that kind of behaviour unacceptable and unbelievably childish. I am shocked that some posters on here think it is OK.

The next time he goes out drinking you tell him that you are locking the door and going to bed and to find some other accommodation until he sobers up.

Gosh, only just spotted he gets his mates to lie for him as well.

So are you going to ask him where he really was when he sobers up?

What time did you leave your house?

If this is how he is, have you considered leaving?

He might not have got his mates to lie, mine probably would without being asked to.

I think YABU to expect him to stay in touch if he doesn't want to, given that it's just one night. Personally, I wouldn't be with a man who behaved like this but many (most?) people do.

My dh does this every Saturday night. He's 41 going on 23.

He gets in at stupid o'clock, knocks about the bedroom looking for the ensuite toilet. I end up shouting at him where the toilet is.

He gets reminded he was a twat, but doesn't apologise.

My h is a twat, I don't even like him, and I wish I left him in Oz.

At least you still like your dh, and care enough about him.

I think YAB a bit U.

He's out with his friends having fun - the chances of something happening are minimal to the point of being non existent. He shouldn't need to "check in" with you or keep his phone glued to him - there's not been anything you need to contact him for. I think you should just let him go out and have fun.

The fact that his friend lied to cover for him would worry me. Where was he if not with the friends?

This sounds exactly like my DH. Ex-Forces and Rememberance Sunday they all go out on the piss after the parade, come home at some godforsaken hour roaringly drunk and in my DH's case, extremely beligerant. It used to really fuck me off, particularly when the DC were small. One of the earliest times he did it was when DD1 was about 5 days old and he went out all day and left me alone with a tiny baby (1st time mum) and I hated him for that.

Now, I still find it unnecessary, and like some other posters above, feel it is a very disrespectful way of honouring the dead, but thats my personal view. He (and his mates) see it as a bonding session - they don't see each other that often - and over the years I've learnt to cut him some slack. Its something he's going to do regardless of my views in the matter, so getting wound up about it is only making it worse for myself. He's been doing this now for at least 16 years btw so I am speaking from experience here!

My advice would to be to arrange something yourself to do next year so you are not home alone worrying about him. Don't text him or his friends. As for the pissing the bed, be prepared with a plastic sheet or whatever. Mine usually falls asleep in the chair - I used to wake him up and make him go to bed, now I just leave the bastard there in the cold until he wakes up at 3am. And when he wakes up with a hangover, make as much noise as possible!

OP, deal with this on Tuesday. He's bound to be hungover today which is hardly the time for sensible discussions.