To be offended at very expensive Christmas present?

[Babcia]

I have just found out DH has bought me a philips lumea hair remover thingy at the cost of about £350 for Christmas when we said we were going to spend around £150 each max. I mentioned in a short conversation the other day that I was considering getting one, and I was about to buy one on Amazon this evening when he told me not to because he had already bought me the top of the range one for christmas. And now he is in a strop because he thinks I'm ungrateful but I think I've got good reasons. I'm also not really bothered about getting lots of presents- I didn't get anything apart from a joke present from my brother for my birthday and I didn't say anything so I'm not being a brat.
We are spending christmas with the outlaws, and I was interested in getting a lumea because I'm very self-conscious about my body hair, so the thought of opening this as my present on christmas morning frankly fills me with utter horror, as it will no doubt be discussed as his mum and sister will probably know what it is and what it's for.
The reason that I've ummed and ahhed about it is because I'm not sure that it will work on my skin tone, and I think it's a very expensive mistake to make if it doesn't work. It's not the first time he's done this- there have been other (expensive) things that I've discussed with him previously which he's gone away and bought without telling me- a couple of years ago after saying "I might get a food processor" one time, he spent £300 on a magimix that I'd already decided that we didn't have room for in the kitchen and that I'd never use (thankfully was able to cancel it on amazon before it dispatched), and the last time my laptop needed replacing, I asked him to just research a new one for me, and he went and bought one, took it out of the box and set it up (probably so I couldn't return it).
Anyway, am I being unreasonable to be annoyed that he's spent over twice what we agreed on something I wasn't sure I wanted or would work, and would feel like a monkey circus freak opening on christmas morning anyway? I know he's trying to be nice but he didn't seem to understand why this would be an offensive present, or why if I'm discussing buying something it's because I'M THINKING OF BUYING IT, not trying to drop hints!!

[Catsrus]

No - this present is a symptom of a problem. Her DH needs to be seen as mr wonderful so does extravagant things that will impress those around him. The fact the op does not want these extravagant gifts is central. I realised I would rather have a partner who actually did housework and genuinely shared child care the one who bought me expensive jewellery that I rarely wore.

OP - just a thought - does this fit him at all?

[purplewithred]

My XDP was a bit like this. I'm with you OP, I know exactly what you mean and how you feel. A considerate gift is one that shows the giver has really listened to what you want.

The question is - is he just being a bit scatty and impulsive (irritating but forgivable) or is he not paying attention to you, showing off or being a bit passive aggressive?

[Thurlow]

There's one of two problems here, as I see it, and both are pretty serious problems within a marriage.

1 - he honestly is the kind of man who will deliberately buy his wife something that he feels will demean and belittle her, and to make matters worse he thinks it will be funny to make her open it in front of other people (though if this is the case, I'm confused as to why he has already told you he has bought it)

2 - you feel that he is the kind of man who wants to deliberately demean and belittle his wife, which suggests you don't trust him and have massive issues with him

I have to say, reading your later posts I'm erring towards the second idea. You seem to have a lot of issues and negative thoughts about him and are happy to snowball this into something it possible isn't, rather than just venting him about him being a bit of a careless idiot.

[landrover]

Im a beauty Therapist, but I've never heard of a philips lumea . Everybody at xmas will just be told its a hair remover! Why would they even know its for anything more (unless you tell them!).
I think he did a lovely, lovely thing and for all you know he got it off ebay (from one of the posters who said it didn't work!!!!!!!) He seems extremely caring and id say that you were very lucky. How many threads do we see about husbands lack of gifts etc! x

[landrover]

There is one on ebay now for £149.99, only used 4 times. The reviews on Boots are amazing, lots of people are buying them for legs and bikini line!!!

[landrover]

Might buy one myself for my legs xx
I wouldn't for a minute worry about opening it in front of people, its just a posh hair remover xxx

[MysterySpots]

I am amazed at the number of people who think a hair removal product is a suitable Christmas present for a woman who is self conscious about her body hair. Just because someone says they were thinking of buying something does not mean that they want it as a present. I am thinking of buying a new frying pan but I don't want it in my stocking thank you. Presents are meant to be nice , special, a treat, something that you probably wouldn't get for yourself, not something meant to address a problem. I think many of you are being deliberately disingenuous about this, or else you are just as insensitive as the OP's husband.

[surgicalwidow]

YABVU! I would give anything for my DH to buy me anything out of the blue - if it isn't birthday, Christmas etc there's no chance!

[landrover]

But Mystery, I completely understand what you are saying, but 99% of people would just see this as a normal hair remover (which the majority of women use).
The OPs husband is a man, by their very being, they are generally pretty obtuse about these things, he probably doesn't notice her body hair! just heard her say that she would like a phillips lumea and thought thats a great idea! Do you really think he bought it to embarrass her?

[landrover]

All I am saying is that the OP s husband doesn't think about this as deeply as OP !

[80sMum]

Wouldn't it be simpler if each of you just buys yourself what you want?! I really can't see the point of getting presents for adults. As you pointed out OP, you were going to buy one for yourself anyway.

[Thurlow]

This is why presents for adults gets quite silly. Just buy a few books or a bottle of perfume, that's it. I can't help but feel sad that grown adults can get so worked up about the money and thought that goes into presents - as in, expecting a certain amount of money and very detailed thought every single birthday and Christmas.

It's the thought that someone wanted to buy you a present that counts, not what the present actually is.

[MysterySpots]

I honestly don't know why he bought it for her 7 weeks before Xmas and then told her about it. She was upset and he got angry because she wasn't grateful enough. It all sounds a bit controlling and unpleasant and insensitive. If he is married to the OP he should know that she is sensitive about her body hair and not draw attention to it. It is really crap having a lot of dark body hair and not something you want drawn attention to on Xmas day FFS. Is that so difficult to understand?

[hyenafunk]

My DF was always like this. I'd mention in, say, April that I thought something was merely cute or something and he must have taken notes because at Christmas I'd have one wrapped up. I remember one year saying I liked this pink guitar I saw in a film, never once did I say I wanted one or planned on ever playing guitar... Sure enough he bought me one. I just ended up with a load of shite I didn't actually want. I went through a big phase of leopard print so he'd buy be a load of useless tat because it was leopard print .

So yanbu, I sympathise with you. You would have thought he'd have realised the first two times you complained/cancelled the orders that he should ask you first if it's something you really want. Plus he spent double what you agreed.

[DIYapprentice]

I agree with you OP, there are appropriate presents, and there are inappropriate presents.

There is a budget, and there is unjustified extravagance.

He seems to have bought both an inappropriate present and spent too much money on it.

A laptop - something so utterly personal, that you will use all the time, where does he get off choosing it for you? You will be the one that uses it, so you get to choose what features it has, whether it's the right size, is it too heavy or not, etc, etc.

Hair removal contraption - what a yuck present. 'Here you go you hairy thing, what a lovely treat for you to rip your hair out of your legs, etc). It's up there with getting a bloody boob job as a gift for Christmas!!! Personal care items aren't usually worthy of being purchased as gifts IMO.

And the ruinously expensive things? Unforgivably frivolous especially when there are treats that would be appreciate far more and which cost less.

My DH has been told that if he bought me over the top expensive presents, I wasn't going to pretend to be impressed, and actually I would probably bin them. If he bought me 'house' presents disguised as presents, I'd probably take an axe to them. If we needed a house present then we as a couple could decided to use some of our Christmas budget to buy a house present - he didn't get to make that call for my present. If he bought me gifts which had a ring of 'you're just a woman and I should be making the decision as to what quality/calibre/style of item you need' then he could just fuck right off.

[fifi669]

I think YABU. To buy you an expensive product to rid yourself of something that embarrasses you? What a bastard!

It's not a personality disorder, he's not controlling. He's listened to you and bought a thoughtful gift.

Ok it's not sexy, opening it in front of the in laws could be a nightmare but he tried.

Sounds like a keeper to me!

I personally have the rio system as I'm increasingly convinced I'm part goat