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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be slightly weirded out that my friend is emailing my 12yo son.

138 replies

CoolStoryBro · 09/11/2013 01:06

Right, this is my first AIBU so please go easy!

I met my friend for lunch earlier and, during the conversation, we ended up talking about my 12 yo. He is physically very mature (we're talking 6 ft, full puberty, etc) but emotionally a regular 12 year old.

Anyway, in this conversation, she asked me how he was getting on with his new girlfriend. I laughed as a) I didn't know he had a new girlfriend and b) he's flipping 12! At this point, she got a little earnest with me and said I needed to talk to him more.

Now, I think my son and I have a pretty good relationship, with waaaaaaay more laughs than arguments but, OF COURSE, we argue at times. He's 12 and I'm his mum.

So, I asked what she meant and she said that they had been emailing for a bit and he had told her he was interested in a girl and she had been giving him some suggestions on how to ask her out.

Now, I'm all for teenagers having another adult to sound out to, but he's not even a teenager yet. He's 12. SO AIBU to be slightly annoyed that this was the first I'd heard of it and it's a bit, I dunno, odd?

OP posts:
IAlwaysThought · 09/11/2013 01:08

Something is very odd indeed Hmm

nuttynatty00 · 09/11/2013 01:09

sounds really odd :/

custardo · 09/11/2013 01:10

depends on the content of his e-mails, the tone etc.

depends on how close your friend is

depends what advice is being offered to a 12 yo and whether this is appropriate

i think you should have access to his e-mails if you do not already do and monitor them

Doinmummy · 09/11/2013 01:11

Sounds in appropriate to me. Do you know who initiated the emails ? Him or her ?

bigbrick · 09/11/2013 01:12

That's odd - would ask both to see the emails

AgentZigzag · 09/11/2013 01:13

Why did you include a description of his physical maturity?

If you're suggesting her emailing him is sexually motivated you should contact the police and/or CEOP.

No two ways about it.

Have you checked the emails they've already sent?

ChippingInLovesAutumn · 09/11/2013 01:14

If you weren't a long time poster I would think this thread was very fishy, especially when started at this time of night (but you might not be in the UK), but given that you are a long time poster...

I would say that it rather depends on the relationship they have had up until now. If she has always been a part of his life and is more like an aunty to him then it seems fine, if she is a recent friend it seems a bit odd.

AgentZigzag · 09/11/2013 01:15

Why ask bigbrick?

He's only 12, just go and look.

Her giving you parenting advice as well! Cheeky mare.

How did you react?

MrsTerryPratchett · 09/11/2013 01:17

How does she have his email address?

timidviper · 09/11/2013 01:17

I don't think I would be happy with an adult friend being friends with one of my children and would want to be keeping an eye on my son myself

I would never have thought of this until recently but I spoke with a friend who has a very, very handsome son. Since he hit puberty she has had to drop some friends as they have acted very inappropriately with him. I agree that you should monitor his emails

bigbrick · 09/11/2013 01:17

That's what I mean AgentZigZag

reelingintheyears · 09/11/2013 01:18

Chipping, I thought exactly the same.

It does seem a bit odd and I don't think I would be happy with it but i'd be wanting access to his email anyway at that age.

SeaSickSal · 09/11/2013 01:19

I suspect that there is not anything sinister happening. Purely because if she was actually grooming him the last thing she would do is tell you. I would check the emails regardless, but don't panic.

OhMerGerd · 09/11/2013 01:20

You need to see the emails. If he has deleted them then you need to ask her to see them. I wouldn't go all shouty at this stage. Just calmly ask.
It is possibly an over earnest friend thinking she is being helpful, but she should have told you from the beginning.
Unless he was asking for help with abuse in which you were complicitand went to her as his trusted adult, she should have said something.
Once you've read them you can decide what course of action to take.

nuttynatty00 · 09/11/2013 01:21

i don't think the friend think she is doing anything wrong hence why she told you...but it is still inappropriate

AgentZigzag · 09/11/2013 01:22

It's the way she told the OP I don't like.

If she was trying to give her a heads up about the emails she just would have come out with it and said, but she's tried to make out she knows the lad more than his mum!

It's a bit sneaky isn't it?

Why hadn't she mentioned it before??

AgentZigzag · 09/11/2013 01:24

She didn't tell the OP SeaSick.

And when she did, it doesn't sound as though it was for any caring reasons.

graceholl · 09/11/2013 01:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Doinmummy · 09/11/2013 01:25

It almost sounds as if she was bragging about knowing more about the lad than his mother

reelingintheyears · 09/11/2013 01:25

Yep, wouldn't be happy.

Original poster
CoolStoryBro · 09/11/2013 01:26

I posted this thinking I had time to talk. DS has just asked me to play Risk with him so I have to go. We're not in the UK. I will answer later. Sorry!!!

OP posts:
curlew · 09/11/2013 01:30

Difficult. I have always encouraged my children to have separate relationships with trusted adult friends. I think it's really important.

Why did you talk about his physical maturity? Why is this relevant?

SeaSickSal · 09/11/2013 01:36

I don't think it was a very nice thing to do, speaking to her like she knows her son better than her. But she did tell her. It's not like she was caught out doing it secretly: I asked what she meant and she said that they had been emailing for a bit.

Not a very nice thing to do, but it doesn't sound sinister.

Doinmummy · 09/11/2013 01:43

Op I'd be careful how you word it if you ask your son about this. If it is totally innocent you don't want him to feel his trust has been betrayed. It might make him reluctant to talk to anyone about his feelings/problems etc

ChippingInLovesAutumn · 09/11/2013 01:44

Risk - I'm envious, no one wants to play Risk with me anymore - bunch of bad losers!! :(

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