to be slightly weirded out that my friend is emailing my 12yo son.

[CoolStoryBro]

Right, this is my first AIBU so please go easy!

I met my friend for lunch earlier and, during the conversation, we ended up talking about my 12 yo. He is physically very mature (we're talking 6 ft, full puberty, etc) but emotionally a regular 12 year old.

Anyway, in this conversation, she asked me how he was getting on with his new girlfriend. I laughed as a) I didn't know he had a new girlfriend and b) he's flipping 12! At this point, she got a little earnest with me and said I needed to talk to him more.

Now, I think my son and I have a pretty good relationship, with waaaaaaay more laughs than arguments but, OF COURSE, we argue at times. He's 12 and I'm his mum.

So, I asked what she meant and she said that they had been emailing for a bit and he had told her he was interested in a girl and she had been giving him some suggestions on how to ask her out.

Now, I'm all for teenagers having another adult to sound out to, but he's not even a teenager yet. He's 12. SO AIBU to be slightly annoyed that this was the first I'd heard of it and it's a bit, I dunno, odd?

Nice one that you don't think anything else is going on, maybe seeing her reaction to you pulling her up on it will give you more insight.

Whole conversations of 'hey', 'kk', 'wuut' and 'gtg' are pretty much the norm aren't they? They don't say anything about what they're actually thinking.

Although I talk to DD regularly and she tells me of the ins/outs of what she's up to, it'd be naive to think she tells me everything. Of course she doesn't, but that doesn't mean she's up to anything. DD has just 'dumped' a lad, but it's so ridiculously innocent that it'd be hard to hold it against them.

They're just playing at 12/13 (most anyway) and the lad she was 'seeing' couldn't even talk to her at school he was so embarrassed about the whole thing even though he'd initiated it. They had long lines of texts to each other of what I described above, fuck knows why they even bother because it doesn't say anything

If you're lighthearted at home, does he think you might tease him a bit?

However you are with him has nothing to do with anyone else though, unless you ask for her advice she should keep it buttoned.

Whats a wendy?

I'd be suspicious if you did it behind your friends back with a pre-teen sweet, and used it to harshly judge your friends parenting.

OP I think you are doing exactly the right thing. It's polite but clear.

Me too sweet nothing to do with people been overly suspicious, no need for suspicion if its open & above board -

I don't expect the ins & outs of any conversation email or otherwise between DD & trusted friends - but I would expect to know its going on - not conducted sneakily & then brought up as a put down as seems to be the case here

littlebairn Wendy is a toxic "friend" who quietly & sneakily undermines you with other friends so as to push you out & take over

Good luck tonight OP -

personally I'd be using the excuse that your DS is feeling very uncomfortable with the emails, but is too polite to say so &'that you also don't think it's appropriate, so it needs to stop now.

Hope it all goes well

At worst grooming. At best she's an undermining narc type bitch. It's just not normal behaviour, it's weird.

Personally, I wouldn't use any excuses or explanations I would do exactly what the OP was suggesting - a simple and clear, 'thanks but no thanks'

Agree with IAlways, no excuses needed, and not really fair on the DS to use him to break it off, he should be shielded from any consequences not made the focus of them.

Yeah short and sweet, assertive and to the point.

sweet the fact that it's your goddaughter you text makes it a different situation to the op's. In your case, the mother knows, and obviously trusts you, with a long realtionship behind you.

In the OP's case, the friend is relatively recent, so that level of trust isn't there yet, and from the description of the emails it seems driven by her.

Each case is different, but in this case, I'd say that it's very inappropriate.

Those emails sound like the electronic equivalent of the conversations that that woman used to have with us and I found them very uncomfortable indeed.
I knew I couldn't trust her and I knew she would use anything I said but I couldn't be rude and say nothing at all. Does this sound like your son?

If we were discussing an adult male and a 12 year old girl, I'm sure we would be thinking grooming.

Perhaps I didn't word that so well - ill here & bloody struggling

not excuse - REASON - & not putting owness on the DS - but that having read the emails you can see your DS obviously feels uncomfortable with the situation - which I certainl? see in what you report of the emails - & it's stops now - you are taking the responsibility for the decision, not him complaining to you -

I'm all for to the point & being blunt & this does sound very odd, but as you are having dinner with them tonight there is obviously a family friendship there however new, so IMHO starting off the conversation firmly but politely, would be the way to go & I would escalate that or not - depending on the reaction I got - that includes body language over spoken word

Maybe it's just me but outside the world of feel good movies and sitcoms do any adults who aren't parents, teachers, nannies and similar professionals conduct conversations with 12 year olds?

I mean obviously you speak to your children's friends when you see them but it's hardly the meaning of life stuff you'd ponder over and come back to.

sweet completely different scenario. If your goddaughters mum loves and trusts you enough to let you be the godmother, she wouldn't mind you speakingto her and surely she knows anyway?

In this instance the OP and the friend don't seem to be bossom buddies and the OP didn't give permission or even know about them speaking via email

That's why I was saying about the typical texts/fb messages DD has with everyone rockin, that it's how they all talk to each other. It doesn't mean they're happy, pissed off or uncomfortable, it doesn't mean anything.

It always looks weird and rude to me, but apparently there's nothing behind it. The friend using sentences and grouping more than three words together at once is going to look different in sharp opposition to the lads text.

I just think bringing what the DS thinks into it could take something away from the OP and it being her (and his Dad's) decision as parents. Plus the woman needs to know they think it's inappropriate and saying it's the lad could normalise it a bit.

I think the look on her face when you give her the good news will be a good indicator Cool. If she goes completely ape you know for sure it's time to end the relationship or at least back away slowly and gradually disengage.

Mrs jay Hers are 10 and 14

oh so not young then how weird is she their mate

urm what is a wendy

ok i read what a wendy is but why Wendy ?

It's from a really good thread where lots of posters realised they all knew the same type of person mrsj, I think at some point (possibly on another thread previously) someone's wendy was actually called Wendy, and the name stuck.

oh Ok hanks I have seen it before and was very confused .

I'm surprised I found it, this is the thread

Oh i will have a read of that later to get the gist

Mmmm, I think see where you are coming from then Agent -

though my own experience of DD & 11/12/13 yr old friends is quite different, they all do write a lot more than that sort of one word, abbreviated answers in between a million of those sticker things

• though it being more normal might explain a situation DD was very cross about last week - she'd told a boy in school off in no uncertain terms for being sexist & homophobic - she then worried about about it as she likes him, so sent him a long message explaining herself & she was still his friend, but why what he'd done was so wrong, even if he thought it was fun etc etc -

he relied with "cool" - she was fuming

But yes, if a lot of this age DCs reply in that way, it makes sense not to read feelings into it