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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not make her a seperate meal?

827 replies

fairy1303 · 06/11/2013 17:05

DSD lives here full time.

She is currently having a massive meltdown because I have told her we are having... shock horror... CASSEROLE for dinner.

We have this about once a month, it's cheap, easy, healthy.
I know she doesn't like it.

I have said that is what we are having, no I won't make a seperate meal.
She is telling me not to serve her any. She doesn't want it. She is crying because she 'isn't allowed any dinner'. She has phoned MIL to tell her. She is about to phone my mum to tell her too. She has phoned daddy at work to tell him.

Now, I'm pretty strict. I'm also aware of the wsm stuff.

AIBU to say: that is what we are having. There will be nothing else?

Or am I being too hard on her?

She's 8

OP posts:
ithaka · 08/11/2013 15:28

I am not sure that you can assume because someone has younger or less children, they have more spare time - that is a huge assumption. My main contention was that people's attitudes on food are formed before they become parents, in any case. They then take that attitude to their parenting, so the number of children or amount of time they have is not relevant.

I became irritated by the smugfest from some posters about the silly things they did before they had more than one child. It did not so much touch a nerve as get on my nerves, as smug competitive parenting always does. For the record, I have more than one child and no spare time. But I still don't force my children to eat food they don't like and never have.

Beastofburden · 08/11/2013 15:39

I think that not everyone with fewer or young children has loads of spare time. But the comments from the poster were highly dogmatic and based on the idea that only her way is right- and her way was time-consuming, to say the least.

As for smug competitive parenting, that is very irritating however young someone's children are. It's certainly not confined to those with multiple or older kids-if anything, those scarred by busyness and life are less likely to go in for it. In fact, smug competive parenting would be one charge that could be levelled at the poster we are disucssing.

But equally, once you have been doing it for a long time (22 years in my case) you know more by the end than you did at the beginning. And MN is partly about sharing experience.

TheRealAmandaClarke · 08/11/2013 15:51

I agree with ithaka's last few posts here.
There has been a flurry of smug, condescending comments about the ease of having one child and the consequent invalidity of an opinion from someone in that position.
And I don't see how one brief, polite exchange with an eight year old is more time consuming than a couple of hours posting on aibu /offering alternatives anyway/ having alternatives refused/ offering appropriate compromise, which is what happened for the OP.

TheRealAmandaClarke · 08/11/2013 15:53

But my DCs are onlyb3 and 9 mo so what do I know? Wink

2rebecca · 08/11/2013 16:10

I'm not getting the "casserole" thing. to me a casserole is a cooking pot and you can make loads of different meals in it. To not like any of them seems as odd as not liking any grilled or stir fried foods and is fussiness for the sake of it.
"I don't like mushrooms" i can understand. "I don't like any food cooked in a casserole" is just having a pointless strop.
Maybe vary the name of the casserole and don't tell her what it's cooked in?

IorekByrnisonsArmour · 08/11/2013 16:18

2rebecca not everyone knows about the casserole dish.

TheRealAmandaClarke · 08/11/2013 16:19

2Rebecca Grin
Renaming might be good.
Hotspot, stew (not going to work, nobody admits to liking stew as a child), tagine, veg medley....

BrianTheMole · 08/11/2013 16:20

I am sure that wasn't the intention, but actually it could be hurtful. Not everyone has the family they wanted or planned for, so it does not hurt to think a bit before you laugh at people because they have less children than you.

Goodness me, you really have read a lot in to that haven't you. I'm not laughing at people who have less children. Merely pointing out how anal I was when I had my first child. Which I am allowed to do, seeing as i'm only talking about myself, not you or anyone else. How bizarre of you. Confused

timidviper · 08/11/2013 16:24

I think Poppy hit the nail on the head upthread about children being spoilt. I do wonder where we will be in another generation's time when all these little emperors become adults and find that not all of them can everything all their own way all the time. As an old gimmer I am shocked at how some of you pander to them.

I am with the OP, you don't force them to eat things you know they hate but do all you can, within reason, to encourage them to eat normally. I'm also in the benign neglect with strict guidelines group, like LaQueen. The choice my two had was generally take it or leave it. They have both grown up to be lovely young adults, neither of them are malnourished

TheRealAmandaClarke · 08/11/2013 16:33

Why would the fact that you were "anal" when you had your first child be relevant to the op?

ithaka · 08/11/2013 16:37

Goodness me, you really have read a lot in to that haven't you. I'm not laughing at people who have less children. Merely pointing out how anal I was when I had my first child. Which I am allowed to do, seeing as i'm only talking about myself, not you or anyone else. How bizarre of you.

I can see that my sensitivity to the feelings of people who may not have the family they planned could seem bizarre to posters who don't have direct awareness of such loss. I wish I could be unbizarre, but sadly I don't have that luxury.

I just found the tone of some posters unnecessary in their strident claims based on their number of children (or years parenting). Lucky them, no need to gloat.

LaQueenOfTheDamned · 08/11/2013 16:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PrimalLass · 08/11/2013 16:43

Not everyone, apparently? Baked beans with chopped tomatoes, lentils, chickpeas, cheese, veggie sausages and random veg in a casserole? No cook would dream of making that combo.

I know I am really late to the party, but I do something similar with flavoured pork sausages and a bit of bacon. It is just sausage and bean stew, why the revulsion?

YouTheCat · 08/11/2013 16:44

No one has said anything at all about people not having the amount of children they want. Confused

What a very bizarre thing to say - that has nothing at all to do with anything. Did you think people were having ago at those ttc or something?

liquidstate · 08/11/2013 16:44

I agree 2rebecca, the stepdaughters argument did not make sense as casserole has so much variety. I would also refer to it as a stew in future to confuse her!

I love the sound of the recipe btw OP. It may sound like chucking the contents of three cans together but the additions will add to the flavour and more importantly it how you cook things which makes the difference. Perhaps all the naysayers do not like to eat vegetable soup?? which is basically what you are making (with lots of tasty chunks).

I am going to try making it sometime as always on the hunt for cheap and easy recipes, although may have to leave the lentils out as they make DH trump! Grin

TheRealAmandaClarke · 08/11/2013 16:45

"Mediterranean vegetables"

BrianTheMole · 08/11/2013 16:46

Why would the fact that you were "anal" when you had your first child be relevant to the op?

Ermm, because the conversation had moved on since then? Confused

LaQueenOfTheDamned · 08/11/2013 16:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BrianTheMole · 08/11/2013 16:48

I can see that my sensitivity to the feelings of people who may not have the family they planned could seem bizarre to posters who don't have direct awareness of such loss. I wish I could be unbizarre, but sadly I don't have that luxury.

Really? You read all that in my few words? Really? Now you are just offensive Angry

ithaka · 08/11/2013 16:49

I have no idea who you are Ithaka or your circumstances, but it's unfair to take pot-shots, that are unwarranted, just because it makes you feel better.

I was not taking pot shots in objecting to the unecessarily smug 'I know best because I have more kids' tone of some of the posts - I note other posters have agreed with my interpretation of those posts, so I can't have been that bizarre in my reading of it.

Believe me when I say, this does not make me feel better, but I do feel is is necessary to make some posters just think on a wee bit.

YouTheCat · 08/11/2013 16:50

Wtf?

I'm sorry if mentioning the fact I have twins is offensive. I shall never mention them again Confused

LaQueenOfTheDamned · 08/11/2013 16:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheRealAmandaClarke · 08/11/2013 16:52

I think we can assume that "casserole" in OP's family has its own meaning, and refers to a specific dish.

LaQueenOfTheDamned · 08/11/2013 16:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ithaka · 08/11/2013 16:54

I'm sorry if mentioning the fact I have twins is offensive. I shall never mention them again

It is fine if you are not using your number of children as a device to belittle and patronise posters who have a different number of children. I am surprised it is necesary to explain this, actually.