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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Who WBU? Mortifying train incident.

420 replies

MikeReepySpooksard · 03/11/2013 17:18

Ds, 15 months, has an unfortunate hair pulling habit. Today on the train he got hold of the hair of the teenage girl sitting in the seat behind his and yanked it. She screamed 'get the fuck off me' and glared at him. She kept turning round and glaring at him the rest of the journey.

OP posts:
BrianTheMole · 03/11/2013 17:40

Did you apologise op?

FairPhyllis · 03/11/2013 17:40

I would panic and lash out verbally if someone grabbed my hair from behind. If you didn't apologise for him then YWBU.

gobbynorthernbird · 03/11/2013 17:40

Dirty looks, or checking that he was now under control?

reelingintheyears · 03/11/2013 17:40

Of course there is HaroldlLoyd, how else would a site like this run, we only ever get one side of the story.
And replies can only come from imagined responses to a situation.

ICameOnTheJitney · 03/11/2013 17:41

I was in a supermarket once and "someone" grabbed my arse quite hard...I immediately yelled "What the FUCK are you doing!??" loudly as I lived in a rough part of London and had been assaulted once before. Turned round and there was a boy aged about 5 and his Mother looked daggers at me!

SHE should have apologised and I would have too! Instead she had decided it was fine/funny for her old enough to know better child to grab my arse! Yes of course he COULD have had some SN but I didn't know that when I felt the grab...and she could have said "So sorry he has SN..." and I'd have said sorry for swearing but I'd had a shock.

BlueJess · 03/11/2013 17:41

Sorry, YBU.

It's your job to make sure you are supervising him. Of course sometimes he'll get away from you, but then you have to put up with the consequences and grovel profusely.

Ii is very sore having your hair pulled, edpecially if it's long. Her language was inappropriate but probably instinctive.

How much did you apologise? People rareky continue to glare if you grovel and appropriately chastise the child in questi

WooWooOwl · 03/11/2013 17:42

Girl was not unreasonable. Baby was not unreasonable.

You are very unreasonable.

AllDirections · 03/11/2013 17:42

Harold That's because the OP hasn't come back to clarify the situation. People are basing their responses on the OP's version of what happened. If she'd said that her DS wanted to pull the girl's hair but she sat him so that he couldn't and distracted him but XYZ happened and she is mortified that her DS managed to do this, then the responses would have been different.

HaroldLloyd · 03/11/2013 17:43

What if you dropped a tin of beans on a woman's foot in the supermarket and she shouted FUCK OFF at you?

I wouldn't grovel I'd run & hide.

ReluctantBeing · 03/11/2013 17:43

You were being unreasonable to not have ensured your child didn't pull someone's hair. You knew he was likely to do it.
Maybe she shouldn't have sworn, but, to be honest, I might have sworn if someone had suddenly yanked my hair from behind. She probably kept looking behind waiting for you to apologise.

MerylStrop · 03/11/2013 17:44

Girl WBU to scream and swear. Not BU to be very annoyed.

I remember my 3 as toddlers pulling my hair and I found it painful and annoying and I'm their doting mother. I hope you apologised.

reelingintheyears · 03/11/2013 17:44

I would still apologise Harold and say it was an accident.

buss · 03/11/2013 17:45

She probably reacted instinctively when she shouted

It must have given her quite a shock to have had her hair pulled hard from behind without warning

AllDirections · 03/11/2013 17:45

So would I reeling

gobbynorthernbird · 03/11/2013 17:46

Harold, what if you threw a tin of beans at someone in the supermarket? This wasn't an accident.

Raddy · 03/11/2013 17:46

Having my hair yanked would make me Very Cross Indeed.

I would not have had such a fish wifey reaction but I would certainly have said something and expected an apology from the child's mum.

HaroldLloyd · 03/11/2013 17:47

I would ordinarily be totally apologetic but I would be so Shock If someone started shouting and swearing at me I'm not actually sure what I'd do, it's never happened to me, thank god.

The few things my toddler has done which I've had to apologise for the other person is normally understanding.

I can understand it if someone grabs your arse, my assumption would be it was a bloke.

hettienne · 03/11/2013 17:48

How on earth did a 15 month old manage to bother someone in the seat behind? Sounds like you were not adequately supervising.

If the girl saw it was a baby though she shouldn't have shouted/sworn.

Original poster
MikeReepySpooksard · 03/11/2013 17:48

Ok, thanks for the replies. I wasn't there. Dh had him, I was in the loo. Yes he was up on the seats, but didn't have shoes on - it was a 1.5 hour journey. He's never pulled a stranger's hair before, it's usually me while I'm holding him, or sometimes dd when she's in the trolley next to him, so although hair pulling is a general habit of his, I wouldn't have been aware of the possibility of him doing it to a random stranger on the train.

Dh only told me when we'd got off the train. I'd have apologised. I asked him if she knew it was ds, as she may have thought it was dh, but he said no she knew it was ds as he (ds) was there with his arms out (for more hair ) when she turned around. Secondly I said didn't you apologise and he said no because she looked so enraged! He's not usually a bellend, honest! I think he just thought she was only just keeping the lid on her rage, so if he said anything at all, he'd set her off, so he just kept his head down.

I think he should've just said sorry. If that set her off then she's obviously being a knob, but as it stands, she is the wronged party.

OP posts:
frogspoon · 03/11/2013 17:48

YAB a bit U. You caused her to have a painful and nasty shock, by poor control of your son's behaviour.

You should have prevented your son from pulling other people's hair, and you should have apologised to her. If you had, perhaps she would also have apologised for swearing (which most of us, thinking were being attacked would probably do) No wonder she was glaring the whole journey.

RevoltingPeasant · 03/11/2013 17:49

Harold dropping a tin of beans is clearly an unfortunate accident. Pulling someone's hair is not.

People are making assumptions about OP parenting because she says " DS has a hair pulling habit" like it's some force of nature beyond her control. And she doesn't mention apologising.

If it had been me I would've said something like "I'm terribly sorry, he's going through a stage and I hope you're not hurt. However, please don't swear at my son, he's only little".

HaroldLloyd · 03/11/2013 17:49

A toddler is not culpable in the same way as an adult.

We all do our best to control them but things DO happen.

Your not giving someone a chance to apologise properly if you start shouting fucks at them are you.

So throwing beans is not comparable. Maybe dropping them in a momentary lapse of concentration?

gobbynorthernbird · 03/11/2013 17:50

But do you not understand that 'get the fuck off me' is an instinctive reaction, and one that we should be encouraging young girls to have? This time it was a baby, but she didn't know that. It could've been someone trying to assault her.

frogspoon · 03/11/2013 17:50

Sorry, cross post.

Now I see it was your DH's fault not yours, he should have apologised.

reelingintheyears · 03/11/2013 17:50

hettienne, I imagine the seats were back to back on a train.

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