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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Who WBU? Mortifying train incident.

420 replies

MikeReepySpooksard · 03/11/2013 17:18

Ds, 15 months, has an unfortunate hair pulling habit. Today on the train he got hold of the hair of the teenage girl sitting in the seat behind his and yanked it. She screamed 'get the fuck off me' and glared at him. She kept turning round and glaring at him the rest of the journey.

OP posts:
Bloob · 03/11/2013 20:23

I don't think you should call them useless parents though.

We all make mistakes / errors of judgement. That doesn't render us useless. It's also pretty damn rude.

gobbynorthernbird · 03/11/2013 20:25

If you won't apologise for your children physically hurting somebody else, then you're a crap parent.

Bloob · 03/11/2013 20:26

Yes to the sexual things: much more likely to be an adult.

Pulling your hair from the seat behind?! An adult has NEVER done that to me. I've had it done accidentally and by a child. It just would never occur to me someone would do that on purpose. And why would you shout first?! They are in the seat behind you - what are they going to do next?

HaroldLloyd · 03/11/2013 20:26

Why are you calling them useless parents? It's totally OTT. Can't you see why OP is getting arsey??

Bloob · 03/11/2013 20:27

Wtf? Of course you're not! A bit rude maybe! Making a mistake - yes. A crap parent? No. Don't be ridiculous.

HaroldLloyd · 03/11/2013 20:28

OP said she felt an apology was needed.

I would have been pretty shocked if a had been shouted at and not reacted in a perfect way. Would that make me a crap parent?

Totally OTT

PresidentServalan · 03/11/2013 20:29

And I agree with other posters who have said that it was lucky the girl didn't lash out instinctively if she felt under threat. I can't believe your DH didn't say anything at the time - if your DS has 'an unfortunate hair pulling habit' I would suggest that you may both have to get used to apologising. It isn't your DS's fault - you should be supervising him, as his parents.

MrsOsbourne · 03/11/2013 20:29

Bloob
Do you know I wish I could agree with you - that its ridiculous to even think that anyone would be assaulted on a train.
God - how ludicrous and yet ... It happens to women everyday- from touching to rape.
I have been touched (unwanted) licked(unwanted) Groped(unwanted)just sitting or standing on a train and yet you call it unusual.
The teenager was sitting on a train, probably on her ipod or phone when she is grabbed by the hair from behind.
She reacts - no one apologises - she is wary .
NORMAL REACTION.

fivefourthreetwoone · 03/11/2013 20:29

But how was the girl to know that it was an accident bloob? From her point of view, someone yanked her hair, she automatically cried out and looked behind to see a baby and a man who didn't apologise to her? She had no way of knowing whether it was the baby or him who had done it and since he didn't say sorry she might well have thought it was him.

It's been mentioned on here that the it was 'obvious' it was the baby but how was it obvious? Like I said above, she had her hair yanked from behind (and I doubt very much she has eyes in the back of her head), cried out then turned around to see a man and a baby -- a man who didn't apologise btw so how was she know who it was? How was it 'obvious' that it was the baby?

The OP's DH should have apologised and he was a twat not to.

fivefourthreetwoone · 03/11/2013 20:33

Pulling your hair from the seat behind?! An adult has NEVER done that to me.

Hmm So because it hasn't happened to you means it hasn't happened to anyone else or couldn't happen?

And why would you shout first?! They are in the seat behind you - what are they going to do next?

She probably shouted out instinctively without thinking. If it was an automatic reaction I highly doubt she'd have been thinking logically. She probably got a fright.

MrsOsbourne · 03/11/2013 20:36

she probably shouted out instinctively
YES - this !!!!!
Women are told to be quiet ,compliant,good.
The fact this teenager reacted in this way is good - she reacted according to her instincts .

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 03/11/2013 20:37

Fivefourthreetwoone - the OP said her dh told her that her child's hands were still stretched out towards the girl's hair - that is why he assumed she knew it was the boy and not him.

HaroldLloyd · 03/11/2013 20:39

If she was in the seat behind and she was looking forward wouldnt it be a bit obvious it was him? The toddler must have been standing on the seat and reached out at her when she was actually facing her.

If it was the seat in front then it could have been either.

fivefourthreetwoone · 03/11/2013 20:41

Exactly MrsOsbourne. IMO girls and women should be taught to react according to their instincts if they think their being attacked. I know certain posters seem to think that it was apparently obvious that she wasn't being attacked and that it was a baby Confused but the fact is, it wasn't. She got a fright and reacted instinctively.

The notion that we should just stay quiet and put up and shut up in this sort of situation is actually quite scary.

fivefourthreetwoone · 03/11/2013 20:43

Sorry, they're^ being attacked

HyvaPaiva · 03/11/2013 20:43
Hmm

Such a weird thread.
The girl: Not unreasonable. Surprise/pain at hair-yank = reaction.
The baby: Too little to be understand.
The husband: Needs to watch his baby and his own manners.
OP: 'Cuntribution'? You're just rude. All people have done is give their opinions. You were the one who asked for opinions!

HaroldLloyd · 03/11/2013 20:44

fivefour - how can you say for a fact she didnt know, you really cant.

AllDirections · 03/11/2013 20:45

Shout first, then apologise later if necessary.

Good advice! Better to be safe than sorry!!

fivefourthreetwoone · 03/11/2013 20:46

the OP said her dh told her that her child's hands were still stretched out towards the girl's hair - that is why he assumed she knew it was the boy and not him.

The point is, she didn't see who did it so how was she to know for sure? Even if she did realise it was the baby as soon as she turned round she was probably pissed that his dad did nothing to apologise to her.

Mia4 · 03/11/2013 20:47

Bloob, my hair was grabbed by an adult who then proceeded to sniff it.

HaroldLloyd · 03/11/2013 20:48

Words seem to be getting put into peoples mouths here left right and centre.

No one is saying in any way at all that young women should be putting up with getting attacked on a train without saying anything. No one is saying they should be getting silenced.

This was a thread about what should you actually do if a TODDLER pulls hair on a train.

thistlelicker · 03/11/2013 20:48

No this thread asked who was unreasonable! The dad or the girl ... Not the toddler was right or wrong

Daddy1001 · 03/11/2013 20:49

Mumsnet is such a pleasant place at times isn't it OP?
15 month olds sometimes grab/pull hair when they shouldn't, you should have been keeping a closer eye but sometimes these things happen. Equally teenagers sometimes swear when they shouldn't and don't really understand what little children do in the same way the parents on here do. She shouldn't have sworn but these things happen.
Can anyone explain how has this thread got to 11 pages?

Canidae · 03/11/2013 20:51

Why should the girl apologise for shouting/swearing while being in unexpected pain while the husband didn't bother to apologise for his child's actions?

If I was her I would have spent the rest of the journey watching out for the annoying child and glaring at his father for being so rude.

Bloob · 03/11/2013 20:51

I didn't say that five. I said that its far more likely to be an accident. I completely agree that in some cases an instinctive reaction would be to shout. E.g if someone grabs your bum. If someone pulls your hair from the seat behind I don't think most people's first thought is that it would be sexually motivated. And no one has really addressed that point. It is a very different scenario to someone grabbing your bum which is clearly an assault. This could have easily and most likely was: an accident. If someone bumps you on the arm do you scream at them instinctively because you think they could be about to assault you? Of course you don't. You're on a busy train, these things happen.

Apparently it was obvious that it was the baby. I don't know how, but we have to accept that as the case as anything else would be wild hypothesising and totally useless for the purposes of this argument.

Mrsosbourne: but can you see that those types of assault are very different in nature to having your hair pulled from the seat behind? And therefore you would react differently (even on instinct?)