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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think some people with money

136 replies

FutTheShuckUp · 02/11/2013 10:03

Will never be able to grasp just what it is like to be on the opposite end of the scale? Some conversations recently with people who have always been well off include debating spending thousands of pounds on a holiday just being an inconceivable thought 'oh well it's worth it for the memories' spending silly money on kids prom dresses, limos etc 'well it only happens once' someone not being able to get somewhere because their car needs hundreds of pounds worth of work doing 'just take it to the garage then'
Am I right in thinking there really seems to be a lack of empathy and even trying to understand what a struggle it is financially for some people?

OP posts:

BikeRunSki · 02/11/2013 10:06

I agree. I removed myself from a circle of friends (NCT group of course!) because I wasn't prepared to spend a months mortgage repayments on a week end away.

CailinDana · 02/11/2013 10:09

Someone who has a computer and a car and still complains also doesn't understand true poverty IMO. Everything is relative.

Original poster

FutTheShuckUp · 02/11/2013 10:11

What if your car enables you to travel to the only job you could find? A computer enables you to keep in touch with family you have had to move away from in order to afford your property or your kids need one to do their homework so they don't end up educationally disadvantaged?

OP posts:

Ecuador · 02/11/2013 10:14

Did you watch that programme a couple of nights ago about Manilla in the Philippines with that wonderful, intelligent woman who basically lived on a rubbish dump but was desperate to get a job in a call centre so that she could change the life of her family - 6 siblings as I recall. That is true poverty, or those poor refugees in Niger who all perished in the Sahara whilst trying to find a better life for themselves and their families?

I know it is hard when people around you have more but I would still like to wager that you are better off than 3/4 of the population of the planet. I don't mean to sound sanctimonious but there will always be people better off than you and yes people can and will spend thousands on foreign holidays, private schools, cars, home improvements and I bet you would too if you had the money as most of us would.

PestoPyrotechnissimos · 02/11/2013 10:17

I watched that too ecuador it really made me think about poverty too.

FreakinRexManningDay · 02/11/2013 10:17

Some people really don't have any idea what its like to skip meals,sit in the dark and cold just to save money. I'm happy for them that they don't but at the same time I wouldn't like to have to listen to them.

drawsofdrawers · 02/11/2013 10:18

YANBU OP. I remind myself constantly how lucky I am. I have a modest wage and Home ownership is out of the Q but I'm ok. I can't believe how stupid and ignorant some people are

deepfriedsage · 02/11/2013 10:18

You sound jealous to me. What does it matter what they choose to spend money on, you choose a computer and internet, others may choose a holiday or meals out.

Original poster

FutTheShuckUp · 02/11/2013 10:19

Why have people blindly took the assumption that the post is about me? And as for the computer post how ridiculous. Yes damn poor people why should they have computers so for instance their kids don't end up educationally disadvantaged like most poor kids do? What are they thinking of, we should just go back to the days when smallpox would have killed the worthless sods!

OP posts:

Purple2012 · 02/11/2013 10:20

But people do often know what its like at the other end of the scale. We're not rich, but relatively comfortable. I won't apologise for that. I have a friend who moans she can't afford a holiday when we can. She earns more than me but has a lot of debt and spends all her money just after pay day. I however spent years getting the bus to work so we can afford holidays and we make sure we economise, rarely eat out or buy clothes.

Original poster

FutTheShuckUp · 02/11/2013 10:21

I'm actually talking about families I work with, doing their best to get by whilst clueless bleeders just toss assumptions out. Just like is happening here with the well YOU can't be poor if you have a computer and Internet nobbish posts

OP posts:

Bowlersarm · 02/11/2013 10:21

I'm not sure where you are going with this.

Would you rather people didn't have holidays? Or didn't have cars?

Do you want to take their money away and redistribute it?

deepfriedsage · 02/11/2013 10:21

I had someone tell me I had no idea how hard it is to be without a car as if I have never been without a car. This same person despite an inheritance to fund lessons and told me they had time never passed their driving test.

Ecuador · 02/11/2013 10:22

sonu678 · 02/11/2013 10:23

I find it inconceivable when i listen to people go on an on about not having enough money to feed and clothe their children whilst smoking cigarrettes. The financial priorites just seem so alien to me, that I have to remove myself from the situation

Lottiedoubtie · 02/11/2013 10:23

OP you've just given exactly the same kind of reasoning as the well of people you are criticising.

They spend thousands on a holiday because they want to create memories for their DC and build family relationships in this way.

You spend a couple of hundred on a PC because you want to create memories for your DC- and relationship with their extended family.

Someone who lives in extreme poverty does neither of these things.

That doesn't make your choice ignorant, or wrong. Just as it doesn't make the first family ignorant, or wrong. The third family would do the same as you if they could.

We all have different amounts of money and that informs our ideas of what is normal.

Bowlersarm · 02/11/2013 10:24

I think the post about the computer is relevant. There are people who can't afford computers, or the expense of running a computer. It's all relevant, and there are always other people either worse or better off than you.

Original poster

FutTheShuckUp · 02/11/2013 10:24

I would like it if people could just think for a moment, without judgement about why some people can't just buy a new bed for he kids. Can't just take their old banger of a car they need in order to get to work to be fixed and why some people feel the need to put old on the table and warmth in their house rather than tossing off money they will never have so their kids don't feel like their 'missing out'

OP posts:

Lottiedoubtie · 02/11/2013 10:25

Why do you think people don't understand?

ArgyMargy · 02/11/2013 10:26

Why should I apologise for not being poor? I have been poor and I don't want to be poor again. I do agree that waving your money in people's faces is rude and insensitive, but would you prefer that I hoard all my money rather than spend it? Spending it gives people jobs.

Original poster

FutTheShuckUp · 02/11/2013 10:26

Lottie I've already explained this isn't about me, just thought I'd put that out there as you are clearly averse to reading my posts....

OP posts:

Bowlersarm · 02/11/2013 10:27

Maybe they do think about all that? How can you possibly know what people are thinking, how much they give to charity etc.

You are making a lot of assumption.

manicinsomniac · 02/11/2013 10:28

I'm sure you're right, there are many rich people who can't imagine what it's like to be poor.

I'm equally sure that there are many poor people who can't imagine what it's like to be rich.

And many both rich rich and poor people who can imagine the other situation, due to either experience or empathy.

So what?

Ecuador · 02/11/2013 10:28

I think people do understand OP, some people will always be insensitive about money though and not 'get' it.

Original poster

FutTheShuckUp · 02/11/2013 10:28

I've not stated anyone should apologise for having money...have I? The whole point of the thread is understanding that it is different for other people in different situations

OP posts:

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