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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think some people with money

136 replies

FutTheShuckUp · 02/11/2013 10:03

Will never be able to grasp just what it is like to be on the opposite end of the scale? Some conversations recently with people who have always been well off include debating spending thousands of pounds on a holiday just being an inconceivable thought 'oh well it's worth it for the memories' spending silly money on kids prom dresses, limos etc 'well it only happens once' someone not being able to get somewhere because their car needs hundreds of pounds worth of work doing 'just take it to the garage then'
Am I right in thinking there really seems to be a lack of empathy and even trying to understand what a struggle it is financially for some people?

OP posts:

deepfriedsage · 02/11/2013 10:28

So you want us all depressed? Do you want me to think about all the human suffering going on in the world? I suffer day in day out with mine and dc health, why don'tyyou think about that?

Lottiedoubtie · 02/11/2013 10:28

Nope I've read them all, twice.

I'm asking, genuinely asking. Why it is that you think people (Me) don't understand that some people are poor.

Of course I do. I understand that some people starve. That some people have inadequate shelter, water, access to education.

I have also spent thousands this year on a car and holidays. and charity

Why are you trying to equate people spending money with people understanding that others can't?

Ecuador · 02/11/2013 10:29

I understand.

Original poster

FutTheShuckUp · 02/11/2013 10:29

Yes Sage, that's exactly what I've said. All along

OP posts:

HeadsDownThumbsUp · 02/11/2013 10:29

Agree with the OP. Obviously different people have different access to disposable income, but some people just seem incapable of trying to understand other people's circumstances. It's the, "oh, just take it to the garage" sort of comment - it just doesn't occur to some people that others can't afford the quick fixes they can.

Original poster

FutTheShuckUp · 02/11/2013 10:30

Thanks headsdown

OP posts:

deepfriedsage · 02/11/2013 10:30

Why the fuck do you want people depressed?

Bowlersarm · 02/11/2013 10:32

Well I don't agree with the OP.

What a miserable, jealous thread.

Yes these people may be fortunate enough to have money, and be able to treat their children. Everyone wants the best for their children. It's human nature. I don't think you should expect people to apologise for that, quite honestly.

deepfriedsage · 02/11/2013 10:32

I couldn't care less if people get our health issues unless they are a Dr, school etc or friend, why would I want to depress the general public, I am not a sadist?!

Levantine · 02/11/2013 10:32

OP I get where you are coming. If you have always been comfortable and come from a family with lots of money it is nearly impossible to really understand the reality of living in poverty I think, even if you really want to.

Original poster

FutTheShuckUp · 02/11/2013 10:36

Yet again for the hard of reading I don't think I've said anywhere people should apologise for spending money or even having money. However I'm happy to be proven wrong if anyone would like to c&p the post where I did?

OP posts:

Rufus44 · 02/11/2013 10:37

Agree with headsdown who has explained it well

But, if my friend said bloody car is up the duff I would say, are you taking it to the garage

If my friend said bloody car is up the duff and I've got no money to take it to the garage I would sympathise and offer lifts for a while

Not sure why someone is expected to know another's financial details to that extent

And before anyone jumps in if someone was absolutely brassic or minted I would obviously know

Gobbolinothewitchscat · 02/11/2013 10:39

I'm totally confused about this. There's lots of things that DH and I don't have firsthand knowledge of that the other has

He doesn't know how it feels to do my job and vice versa.

He doesn't know how it feels to give birth

I don't know how it feels to be a man

That isn't necessarily wrong or something that stops us having a relationship with each other

I'm genuinely confused about the point of this post. I really do think that most of the general population understand that people have different and finite pots of money and not everyone can afford to spend the same amounts

I often hear commentators and posters on here shouting about the "privileged" government not understanding "poor" people's issues and living environments. I think that's not the point - I think they do but they think those conditions are satisfactory and/or may need improved but won't spend the sums of money that commentators say is needed to do it. Whether that is right or wrong is another matter

Ecuador · 02/11/2013 10:40

I think empathy is something you can have (or not have) no matter what your financial situation.

WooWooOwl · 02/11/2013 10:41

It works both ways.

Yes sometimes people with money find it hard to imagine the extent of some people's financial struggles, but then plenty of people who consider themselves poor find it hard to open their minds enough to see that people who aren't quite as poor can still have significant financial worries, and can suffer with plenty of other problems that are just as damaging.

You make it sound as if a lack of money is the only valid problem in life that is deserving of empathy and understanding, and it isn't.

Sometimes people are poor because of poor decisions they have made along their lives. Not always, but sometimes. I can sympathise with those people, but I don't think they are more deserving of sympathy than people who have difficulties because of no fault of their own.

PacificDogwood · 02/11/2013 10:42

I understand what the OP means.

The problem is rich/poor are not absolute terms, are they?
I agree that aiming for a degree of empathy about somebody else's situation is what's needed, not being poor/rich oneself.

Petra Ecclestone going on about her 'normal' 'grounded' upbringing always makes me arf

deepfriedsage · 02/11/2013 10:43

Op you haven't explained why you want the general population all upset over poor people? Are you in need of a gp appointment?

HeadsDownThumbsUp · 02/11/2013 10:44

"You make it sound as if a lack of money is the only valid problem in life that is deserving of empathy and understanding, and it isn't."

I don't think the OP has said anything like that.

Objection · 02/11/2013 10:45

I dislike it when anyone moans about money, there are always people in a worse off situation and in this country there are nearly always ways to improve your circumstances.

If people spent half as much time actually doing something rather than moaning about it they'd be likely to be in a better situation.

Moaning about money is just as rude as boasting about it IMO.

DIYapprentice · 02/11/2013 10:47

Ecuador - that's an utterly ridiculous comparison to make. Nobody that we would meet in person in the UK would be living in a rubbish dump. Just because £1 would feed a family of 4 in a 3rd world country for a week doesn't mean that a family receiving £70 a week in the UK is rich and should feel bloody lucky.

Jinsei · 02/11/2013 10:47

Off topic, but could someone please tell me the name of the programme about the woman from the Philippines? And what channel it was on?

TIA

HeadsDownThumbsUp · 02/11/2013 10:47

Really don't see why this thread has provoked so much ire.

All the OP said was that, in their experience, some people who are financially comfortable just don't seem to realise that other people can't afford the quick fixes they would naturally turned to. OP hasn't condemned anyone for having money! Or suggested that money is the only problem in the world. Just suggested that there can be a bit of a disconnection between the mental comfort that comes with relative affluence and the material circumstances that a lot of people struggle with.

What's the huge controversy?

SoupDragon · 02/11/2013 10:47

Yes damn poor people why should they have computers so for instance their kids don't end up educationally disadvantaged like most poor kids do?

You seem to be missing the point.

If a person can afford a computer then they probably can't grasp what it is like to be unable to afford one.
Just like you seem to be unable to understand it.
Which puts you in the same category as the people you are complaining about.

Rufus44 · 02/11/2013 10:51

Goodness me headsdown you are being far too rational and sensible

That is not what I have come to expect from this type of thread, stop it at once!

RevelsRoulette · 02/11/2013 10:51

My aunt is like this. Lovely woman but totally unable to understand that no money means no money.

She thinks someone with 'no' money can dip into their savings to fix, for example, a broken boiler she cannot grasp that people in this country can have NO money. When you try to explain it to her, she says but everyone's got some money.

I'm pleased for her that she's never had to struggle for money (her family were very wealthy, at one time owning practically half the village she lives in) because god knows she's suffered in other ways, but I just wish she could open up her mind and understand that someone can actually have no money in the bank, no savings behind them, nothing.

I think we all understand that there are people in other countries who live in a level of poverty the like of which we simply don't see in the UK, but different experiences within the UK are what some people struggle with, I think. Poverty in the UK is real but it isn't comparable to 3rd world poverty and I don't think anyone would suggest otherwise. However, the idea that everyone in the UK can get money, can manage, is incorrect. I think that the increasing number of foodbanks in the UK may help people such as my aunt to understand this.

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