To want to call the Man I married my Husband

[Mrsdavidcaruso]

First I am not saying that Marriage is in any way superior and don't want to have a discussion about that, its more how someone wants the the special person in their life to be described or referred to.

The word Partner is exactly the correct term to use for the vast majority of people who are in a relationship but not married, but I do object when someone refers to my Husband, knowing he is my Husband as my Partner when I have made it clear I find it offensive.

If I am in mixed company where other halves are discussed like parent groups/childrens groups then the word Partner is the right word to use, forms with the word Partner on can (and are) changed by me to Husband.

But in a one to one situation I expect the person I am talking to refer to the man I married (not Mr Caruso alas) as My Husband.

I am going into Hospital soon and the Nurse was taking details, and asked me if my Partner would be picking me up after surgery, now just because I am Mrs C on paperwork does not of course mean that I am still married to Mr C so she was right to use the word in that context.

However when I said my Husband would be picking me up she continued to use the word Partner, when I gently and politely explained that I have a Husband not a Partner and I didn’t want her to keep referring to him as my Partner, I got a lecture from her saying ‘we don’t use the words Husband or Wife or Spouse as it discriminates against unmarried and same sex couples ‘.

As I say I can understand that term being used when addressing a group of people all with different situations and I would never in such circumstances demand the word Husband be used just for me in that situation.

But this was just her and myself and surely having established that I wanted to use the term Husband that she should have shown me courtesy and respect by using the same term herself and not giving me a lecture.

I am afraid in the end I got very annoyed and told her I found her attitude personally offensive and terminated the meeting, ( I will find out what I want to on the net).

I am sure there are plenty of people on here who would find it equally offensive to have their Partner referred to as their Husband or Wife when they have made it clear they prefer to use the word Partner.

So I don’t think I am being that unreasonable or am I?

Your disclaimer at the start? The lady doth protest too much imo....

I don't like being called 'mum' but I understand why it's easy for hcps to carry on using it.

When DD was in hospital in Italy they nurses all called me "mammy" which really had me gritting THEIR teeth

That's quite a trick Sarah

YABU

Husband/partner both are sufficient terms. Are you insecure?

Are there issues around how people have perceived your relationship with your husband? Or do you actually have a problem with the term partner and what it implies?

Either way it seems like an odd thing to get annoyed about and certainly not a good reason to be rude to someone (as if there are any good reasons to be rude to someone).

Looks like you may have placed too much importance of what you call your partner. Whatever the reason, I hope you manage to sort it out.

YANBU to prefer husband to partner. I do too.

YABU to make a big deal out of it in an encounter with a nurse.

SWBU not to adjust to your preference. If she forgot, fair enough, but refusing on principle was silly. I wonder though why she was just explaining that partner is the default.

YWBVU to have a big strop at the end, especially over such a non issue.

Cross post Sarah

hmm I think that a vote of either YABU or YANBU does not count when the reason is "I am similarly precious"

What about your mother, or your son/daughter, Neither. Would you refer to them as "my" in conversation, or by name?

I'm not saying there's anything wrong with the way you feel about saying "my husband", but perhaps it's really just an easier form of words than saying "the man I'm married to".

Sarah that just makes it sound as though it made you so cross you put tarmac in their mouths! Wow remind me not to upset you!

I think the nurse was a little unreasonable. I work in learning and development role for health and social care and we work a lot with respect and dignity. There is a great push in equality and diversity so generic terms such as partner etc will be used in a group setting. However we are all diverse and have certain things that are important. Some patients will want to be called by thier title, some by first name and some by a nickname. If someone does have a strong preference for certain terminology it is important to use it as it builds barriers. It might not be important to a younger person but older traditinal person it is very important to be referred to as a husband or wife. The professional could explain why she used partner but then go on to use husband. It is unprofessional of her not too and if I'd been assessing her practice I would have picked her up on it.

SharpLily - I think people like that seriously mis use the word partner!!

On plus note, if this is the only thing in your life to spend your time and energy getting wound up by, then good for you! You have a nice life!

I hate "other half", as much as I love my husband I'm a whole person. I don't correct strangers on this though as it would make me sound like a dick.

It's lovely that you to know what you want to be called but the world around you hasn't taken note of this. Partner is a safe fallback position from a hard fought battle over the assumption of marriage and the personal conversations that led from that.

After she was told you have a husband she could have used husband, but if it's not their policy then it's not their policy...it doesn't make you not married if someone refers to your husband as partner. But to walk out of the meeting us ridiculous, the nurse was trying to help you for your operation!!

I've had a builder at my house all week. He's referred to my dp as my husband, partner, other half etc. I haven't taken offense at any of those terms. There really is no need to be rude to people about it. It'll just be habit to her to use the term partner for the reasons she explained to you.

Of course YWNBU.

You wanted the person you were talking to to refer to your husband as your husband, & she refused!

Just for the record I am married and I do prefer husband (only Husband in certain circles ) and no way would I actually get upset about someone not using it.

OP, are you German? Otherwise, why are you capitalising nouns?
It makes your post look a bit bonkers.

Really? I'm sorry but you sound a bit obsessed about being married. Its important to you but to be frank no one else gives a shit.

Shakwonda

On a scale if 1- 10 it is at number 1. Save getting worked up for things that matter.

I personally don't mind husband / partner but my Granny hated my Granda being referred to as her "Partner", she felt it showed a lack of respect to their marriage, and I have to say the nurses who looked after both Granny and Granda were very good at using the terms husband and wife when speaking to my Gran. I suppose it may be a generational thing.

It is quite sad that people are so easy to take offence over something so trivial.

Maybe you should rethink your attitude before your stay in hospital.

You won't be in a position to flounce out immediately after an operation.

Maybe you should treat the staff who are working hard for your benefit, with more respect.

God almighty!