To want to call the Man I married my Husband

[Mrsdavidcaruso]

First I am not saying that Marriage is in any way superior and don't want to have a discussion about that, its more how someone wants the the special person in their life to be described or referred to.

The word Partner is exactly the correct term to use for the vast majority of people who are in a relationship but not married, but I do object when someone refers to my Husband, knowing he is my Husband as my Partner when I have made it clear I find it offensive.

If I am in mixed company where other halves are discussed like parent groups/childrens groups then the word Partner is the right word to use, forms with the word Partner on can (and are) changed by me to Husband.

But in a one to one situation I expect the person I am talking to refer to the man I married (not Mr Caruso alas) as My Husband.

I am going into Hospital soon and the Nurse was taking details, and asked me if my Partner would be picking me up after surgery, now just because I am Mrs C on paperwork does not of course mean that I am still married to Mr C so she was right to use the word in that context.

However when I said my Husband would be picking me up she continued to use the word Partner, when I gently and politely explained that I have a Husband not a Partner and I didn’t want her to keep referring to him as my Partner, I got a lecture from her saying ‘we don’t use the words Husband or Wife or Spouse as it discriminates against unmarried and same sex couples ‘.

As I say I can understand that term being used when addressing a group of people all with different situations and I would never in such circumstances demand the word Husband be used just for me in that situation.

But this was just her and myself and surely having established that I wanted to use the term Husband that she should have shown me courtesy and respect by using the same term herself and not giving me a lecture.

I am afraid in the end I got very annoyed and told her I found her attitude personally offensive and terminated the meeting, ( I will find out what I want to on the net).

I am sure there are plenty of people on here who would find it equally offensive to have their Partner referred to as their Husband or Wife when they have made it clear they prefer to use the word Partner.

So I don’t think I am being that unreasonable or am I?

CailinDana, your post made me laugh.

Why does it matter to you? Obviously on some level being married is in your mind, better than not being, I'm married but couldn't care less what I'm called.

I hate hate hate it when my husband is referred to as my partner. He is my husband and I am his wife.

Is it insecurity? I can't see that it matters.

YANBU
You told the nurse what term of reference you preferred. I think it was a bit rude of her to ignore your wishes.
Why couldn't she use the word 'husband' when she knew your preference, it would have been the polite respectful thing to do.
Other posters think you are being trivial but if it matters to you, then that is what counts.

Yabu

Honestly, you are over thinking it. I don't use the term partner for my husband but I couldn't give a shit if others do. If has NO bearing or effect on my relationship.

I like threads like this.
Most amusing.
To get so het up by someone using a word which you dislike is absurd. Really.
To be honest it sounds like you have a fundamental lack of respect for the nurse who has better things to do than worry about using "husband" instead of "partner"
Do you also think public sector workers should do as you say because you pay their wages?

OTT nonsense be thankful for the nhs and any one to one you get and stop splitting hairs

YANBU

The term partner is not offensive to me, though I prefer husband/wife if appropriate

The nurse was rude to keep saying partner when you had expressed a preference

You were being a bit silly walking out of what I assume was an important health meeting, waste of an appointment and probably meant that someone else missed out on an appointment

So you would feel fine with someone persistently calling you the wrong name, despite being asked not to and reminding them of your actual name?
Really?

I would prefer the nurse concentrated on the job and didn't have to remember that some people like partner and some like husband and some don't care either way.

If it helps think of it this way. Every husband/wife is ALSO a partner. You are partners who got married.

diddl

OP wanted nurse to call her other half/partner/husband her husband

Nurse explained why she couldn't do this

OP was unhappy, wasted an appointment that our lovely tax payers are probably paying for and left.

For those saying she was not being unreasonable:

Was it respectful of the OP to carry on getting angry at nurse for doing her damn job?

Was the OP being respectful when she left the appointment because the nurse was following the set procedure?

Was the OP being respectful in wasting a nurse's appointment when other people who may have needed it more used it.

Finally, how respectful are you being in demeaning people's relationships by saying oh, boyfriend and girlfriend status are lesser than x, or y? Does it really matter? Do other people's relationships whether they are same sex or otherwise impact you negatively? It's a word! Seriously! You are assigning it the meaning and depth and choosing to be offended by it. I love my husband, partner whatever.. no matter what I call him, nothing takes away the depth of feeling and love i have for him.

It wasn't their name, KatieS it was a descriptive word for the father if your child. It used to automatically be husband and now it isn't. Partner is safer and covers all. Your husband is your partner but your partner is not necessarily your husband.

Agree with Katie and redshifter.

Though it may not be important to others, it is to the op, and it is okay to want your husband to be called your husband.

YANBU

Think OP could use a leeeeetle therapy...

Satin, the principle is the same and is I expect, exactly the reason the OP is annoyed.

The principle is not the same. My name is SatinSandals, anything else is wrong BUT my husband is my partner FACT.

OP didn't demean others relationships just merely stated how she wanted hers to be described. I'm sick of the phrase health professionals have better things to do than..... Treat you with respect, see you as a person etc. if more health professionals took the time and did these little niceties then better care would be given. The people I have assessed who do this as a matter of course are the best nurses and carers and fundamentally give the best cost effective care.

"Nurse explained why she couldn't do this"

Yup, of course she couldn't!!!

What bollocks!

I hate people who use myself, instead of me.

Yes it's important to the op, for whatever reason she tells herself.
It isn't important to others though and you can't force people to do what you want.

Do people really get this het up about stuff like this? Really?

How can you prove this point about certain healthcare professionals doing a better job?
That's just your own value-judgement.

Obviously they do! I put it down to insecurity.