To want to call the Man I married my Husband

[Mrsdavidcaruso]

First I am not saying that Marriage is in any way superior and don't want to have a discussion about that, its more how someone wants the the special person in their life to be described or referred to.

The word Partner is exactly the correct term to use for the vast majority of people who are in a relationship but not married, but I do object when someone refers to my Husband, knowing he is my Husband as my Partner when I have made it clear I find it offensive.

If I am in mixed company where other halves are discussed like parent groups/childrens groups then the word Partner is the right word to use, forms with the word Partner on can (and are) changed by me to Husband.

But in a one to one situation I expect the person I am talking to refer to the man I married (not Mr Caruso alas) as My Husband.

I am going into Hospital soon and the Nurse was taking details, and asked me if my Partner would be picking me up after surgery, now just because I am Mrs C on paperwork does not of course mean that I am still married to Mr C so she was right to use the word in that context.

However when I said my Husband would be picking me up she continued to use the word Partner, when I gently and politely explained that I have a Husband not a Partner and I didn’t want her to keep referring to him as my Partner, I got a lecture from her saying ‘we don’t use the words Husband or Wife or Spouse as it discriminates against unmarried and same sex couples ‘.

As I say I can understand that term being used when addressing a group of people all with different situations and I would never in such circumstances demand the word Husband be used just for me in that situation.

But this was just her and myself and surely having established that I wanted to use the term Husband that she should have shown me courtesy and respect by using the same term herself and not giving me a lecture.

I am afraid in the end I got very annoyed and told her I found her attitude personally offensive and terminated the meeting, ( I will find out what I want to on the net).

I am sure there are plenty of people on here who would find it equally offensive to have their Partner referred to as their Husband or Wife when they have made it clear they prefer to use the word Partner.

So I don’t think I am being that unreasonable or am I?

Yabu to find the term 'partner' offensive

It's standard now, get with the programme

Are you Hyacinth Bucket?

You should start an AIBU shopzilla Guess what my response would be? Although in my case they are specifically chosen words not random ones.

YABU. She explained why she used the term, so you knew she had no intention of offending you.

It does sound as though you were rude and it does sound as though you think you are somehow better than other patients because you are married. But of course I wasn't there.

If you're going to hold others to such high standards, I hope your own manners are impeccable.

but here you have expressed your preference and the nurse has ignored it - very unprofessional and goes against any number of NHS policy documents

I'm sorry but this is total bollocks!! There is no way the nurse in this scenario could be described as unprofessional and I'm extremely interested to find out what policy documents you are talking about!!

gah

And if a nurse called an older person by their first name, that older person said, "actually, I prefer to be called Mrs Smith", and that nurse said "we just use first names because it discriminates against unmarried or same sex couples" you would tell them to get a grip?

The nurse was asked to use a specific word, she refused. She was the petty one.

YANBU I dislike the word partner for me as I am self employed and have business partners which makes it confusing.
I am a GP if I find someone is married I use husband/wife. It's fine to use partner to start off but I think if you said he was your husband it wouldn't have taken half a brain cell to change to using that.

‘we don’t use the words Husband or Wife or Spouse as it discriminates against unmarried and same sex couples ‘

^^How ridiculous! Political correctness at its worst imo.

OP, I understand your irritation, but I suspect that the nurse had had it drummed into her that the term 'husband' is discriminatory and she would have been in breach of the hospital regulations if she'd used it.

I think YABU. Its a catch-all term . I'm married,and I always call my husband "My Husband" and I am his "Wife" ,but I certainly wouldn't be offended by the use of "partner".

People can't do right for doing wrong,can they? I expect others have complained for the opposite reason,so they have been told to use that term for everyone.

I think you were wrong to insist,and feel very sorry for that Nurse.

The only thing that riles me in Hospitals and similar places is when they call me by my first name, and not "Mrs .......". I think it is rude.( Until I tell someone they can call me by my first name).I would even accept " Ms" if they didn't know. But I wouldn't make a fuss.

Oh good grief. YABU.

I actually hate being called "Mrs". The junior in the hairdresser has just called me "Mrs", I didn't feel the need to complain.

The NHS have to deal with millions of people, sometimes one size fits all is just easier.

Can someone tell me what the protocol in maternity wards is these days? In 1990 they called all the mums "Mrs", which as I say I really don't like and never use, but I could understand why.

Wow, I can worked up over non events quite easily but this? Errr no, just no.
YABU

Sorry, should have addd YANBU.

I am married I hate saying my husband as it sounds like I own him. I usually just refer to him by his name and people usually understand I mean my significant other.

I cannot imagine, for a minute, ever being offended by this.

Surely, it doesn't really matter

I call my husband my husband - if someone else called him my partner, well, so what?

I expect nurses and other such professionals are used to just saying 'partner', it will be habit and ingrained now, I'd imagine. It's just the terminology they use. I'd far rather concentrate on what she was talking about in terms of my medical treatment!

Oh and Mrsmusical, me and the other half both have business partners in separate businesses, doesn't bother either us that we're also partners in another sense.

Sarah I'm not starting that thread! I guess your reply would be Get A Grip Woman. [Grin]

And what you perceive as giving you a lecture may well have been her tactfully and dispassionately explaining why she was using the term partner.

You walked out? Seriously? Come now, Mrs C, you're an intelligent woman, you're not saying that this point of [non] principle matters more to you than your health care (yes, yes, you looked it up on the net...)

YABU

I had a psychiatrist once who called everyone Ms or Mr Surname. When I asked him, after many years of being his patient, if he would call me FirstName, he said no, as he had many patients who preferred Ms or Mr Surname and if he called everyone the same he'd never mess it up.

I imagine this HCP is the same.

He is your partner, unless you are not partners and one of you is Master and the other Submissive. Husband = Partner

In my politer moments Shop!

Unfortunately Caitlin I think they call you "Mum". When DD was in hospital in Italy they nurses all called me "mammy" which really had me gritting their teeth - would never have said a word though I was too busy being grateful that they had saved DD's life and were taking such good care of her.

SirChenjindo and OP The nurse had far more important things to concentrate on to her job correctly than get bogged down with this sort of shit. You sound like the sort of people who enjoy taking offensive to things for the very sake if it. What on earth is offensiveabout the word partner?

But can you explain the reason behind your system of capitalization, MrsC?

Gritting MY teeth (sorry Shop!) Gritting theirs would have been weird!

YNBU me and my husband hate it when they keep referring to me/him as a partner.