To think hitting someone else's child....

[pinkballetflats]

is NOT ok?

Acquaintance of mine is today boasting online that she hit a 5-year-old last night because of his bad manners while ToTing. Yes, the little angel needed to be told it is not okay to barge through everyone else and knock a smaller child over in the process, but hitting? She was pulled up on it but her attitude is her house, her rules and a slap on the hand is appropriate.

This isn't the first time she's boasted about hitting stranger's children. She did it at a restaurant once too because the toddler was pulling on her hair...fair enough, something needed to be said...but instead she turned around and slapped the child on the hand.

Am I just being precious in thinking this is the completely wrong way to handle either situation?

YDNBU! I believe you can instill respect and love from your child towards you without making them shitscared fearful of you. Playfighting is perfectly allowed (within reason) but if anyone hit my kid for me I'd have happily knocked her out put her in her place.

Strumpetron- click on the link in Sparkly's post (22:40).
HTH

Thankyou dyslexic I missed that I'll give it a read!

I think anyone who hit my child would severely regret it

BUT dd is now 12 and i think has had 7 smacks in her life all when she was much younger and I or OH either did it for toddler running in road or followed through on the threat they were always after nothing else worked and my daughter is not scared of either of us and quite rightly.
I know if either of us tried to smack her bottom now she would hit back She doesn't she even remember the last time she was hit as all got after the age of 6 when we used to threaten was a triumphant you would never hit me and she's right as we wouldnt dream of as we could reason wth her. She has never met one of my sisters for the main fact she hits her 4 kids and said that her house her rules and would hit DD is she felt she needed a slap!

What is ToTing?

My guess: Trick or Treating (oh how I HATE the abbreviations on here).

Abuse perpetuates sadly.

If you were smacked as a child, it's likely you will smack your own kids.

It takes a strong person to break that cycle.

Be that person.

On a few (3-5) occasions over the years I've smacked/'tapped' my kids. I've regretted EVERY single one of those times.
Each time has been about me losing control and I think hitting a child is a shitty thing to do (and totally counterproductive) but as a human under stress I've made mistakes I've learned from them.
If someone smacked my children I'd be fucking livid.

Ooh, a smacking thread.

I love a good smacking thread.

OP the woman sounds like a fuckwit. Hitting a 5 year old anyway, but then boasting about it on FB - farkin' ada.

Even if you think it's great, surely you know that some people in your acquaintance on FB are going to think you're a nob for having done that, so you'd resist the temptation to boast about it?

i find it more worrying that she is boasting about it

i do not agreeing with smacking children at all,little tap, smack or whatever you want to call it but i do not think the odd little slap on the hand will harm a child. but she seems to enjoy enforcing her rules on other peoples children this is more of a concern than the slap

I was hoping there might be unanimity that smacking is wrong. Full stop. But at least we all seem to agree smacking some one else's child is wrong.

When I interviewed my first nanny I told her smacking would not be tolerated. She looked at me in astonishment that I'd even felt the need to mention it since as far as she was concerned it was obvious.

It's always seemed a bit of a flaw in the argument that occasionally smacking is necessary and acceptable. Of the 3 nannies I employed 2 were in their early twenties and college trained, the other one wasn't formally trained but had loads of experience. None of them smacked. Professional carers don't, if they don't need to why do parents?

Surely professional carers won't because they can hardly go around smacking their client's children can they?

I hope I never feel the need or inclined to smack my child. I hope my words and methods are enough. I was never ever damaged as a result of my mum's smacking, but still.

Well of course professional carers can't smack.

My point is if professional carers can deal with issues without smacking, why can't parents?

Maybe because professional carers tend to have training, a lot of parents particularly first time parents may not know how to deal with their children's behaviour effectively in a different way, or can use it as a method to further instil other methods.

Also children react differently to people they aren't as accustomed to, can be more likely to be well behaved with someone in a formal position of authority.

I'm not saying thats why, just some suggestions! Devils advocate if you will. It's a topic I'm genuinely interested in

I think people smack because they lose their temper and lash out and then use the excuse that it was some sort of thought it planned form of punishment.
I was smacked a few times as a child, never affected me greatly. I love my parents to bits. But I'd never plan to use smacking as a form of punishment because I think it's pointless and there are much better techniques to use.

I slapped my chid's hand when he ran away from me across a road. It was more a little tap - he is 22 months old. It was to reinforce that doing what he did was wrong and dangerous

No, what you did was wrong and dangerous. You did not hold your child's hand tightly enough, or have him on reins or whatever - so it was your fault. At 22 months he's a baby - it's your responsibility to keep him safe.

How could you possibly believe that your toddler was to blame??

Sparkly silver sequins your posts say exactly what I want to articulate.

I am quite cheered by so many posters being so vehemently anti smoking.

I hope soon that hitting children is banned to stop this ridiculous 'smacking' grey area.

Violence against children is wrong.

I think some ppl smack when they're scared too. I can understand that feeling. Luckily I haven't ever hit my DCs and I don't condone it as a method of discipline but I can understand the fear and upset if your child runs onward the road or you lose sight of them n public. Children will test your nerve more than you thought possible.
I think that, whilst not a good thing, that's a bit different from voicing a belief that children should be smacked to learn about behaviour IYSWIM.

In the countries where smacking is banned, child death and injury by parental abuse is incredibly low.

Which is why "smacking never did me any harm" is bollocks. It didn't do you any harm, but it killed other children.

When I was 16, I was struck a blow to the head so hard I had concussion. Not a one off either: I'm lucky to be here.

I think smacking does harm the relationship between children and parents. My mother went in for it, and it was generally an expression of anger or frustration on her part rather than trying to keep us out of danger. It hasn't alienated us, but the relation that my brothers and I have with her has always been a bit tense. My father got the responsibility for firmer discipline, and I still hold it against him that I was spanked for cutting my hair: I had no idea it was wrong so it wasn't a matter of deliberate defiance on my part. No matter how good the relationship otherwise, you never forget that the people who are closest to you hit you.

We hardly ever got smacked but I remember the threat of a wooden spoon over the knuckles if I was really naughty. Never happened though. Mum said that only once did she smack me a supermarket purely to snap me out of a hysterical tantrum when nothing else would work. It did work but she said she was mortified both by having to smack and by my behaviour!

I imagine that the vast majority of us grew up with some form of smacking or mild physical punishment shic

Gaah phone! Physical punishment which I can't compare or remotely call abuse. And I'm pretty ok for it.

I find it interesting here in the Netherlands children are just not disciplined the same (i.e. get away with murder). I visited a British school here recently where parents send their children expressly for the discipline they will get as in taught manners and respect! Dutch children have a very hard time assimilating apparently as it is such a cultural difference. The adults are fine ofc but it is a very differing view of what is respectful communication for children.

So maybe the UK is doing something right. :)

Actually I would extend that to other countries. Parents want their children to receive a British education not just for the education but for the manners. But some find the change quite a challenge. Are we strict as a nation? Sorry thsts a bit off topic.

Btw YANBU no one should lay hands on your child. Certain countries still allow caning in school I heard as well. I couldn't believe it.

Interesting to see all the comments of "A smack/tap/wallop" never harmed me but I choose not to do it to my child(ren)".