To think hitting someone else's child....

[pinkballetflats]

is NOT ok?

Acquaintance of mine is today boasting online that she hit a 5-year-old last night because of his bad manners while ToTing. Yes, the little angel needed to be told it is not okay to barge through everyone else and knock a smaller child over in the process, but hitting? She was pulled up on it but her attitude is her house, her rules and a slap on the hand is appropriate.

This isn't the first time she's boasted about hitting stranger's children. She did it at a restaurant once too because the toddler was pulling on her hair...fair enough, something needed to be said...but instead she turned around and slapped the child on the hand.

Am I just being precious in thinking this is the completely wrong way to handle either situation?

When you are elderly with limited brain function caused by age rather than youth, is it okay for your children or maybe care home workers to give you a tap / slap / hit to better get their message across? If not, why not?

Whilst I don't condone hitting children, and I don't condemn it either, I think this is different. You wouldn't put an elderly person in the naughty corner would you?

Stumperton - how is it different? And people do put elderly people in the naughty corner...it just often doesn't look like the naughty corner...

Well for one, an elderly person is not going to learn from it, if they have a degenerative disease (limited brain function suggests this) they are just going to be scared and not understand why it is happening.

Also, they do not need to be disciplined and nor is it our place to discipline them. (I speak as an ex healthcare assistant)

If a parent decides to discipline their child that way - and I'm not saying I would chose this way myself by the way - I would expect the child would be old enough to understand the discipline, and that it would be explained to them why it is happening.

And no I've never put an elderly person in any sort of version of the naughty corner, or used any other method for disciplining them for that matter.

~YANBU OP, you should never do that unless the parent has given you permission and you both agree with the discipline.

Boasting like that, I suspect it's less about the smacking and more about the whole 'I am a superior person and disciplinarian, children obey me'. She chooses to smack but people with that attitude don't tend to stop, they tend to keep pushing their belief and choice of discipline on others children in order to show how great they are.

I know someone who disciplines others children, she doesn't boast about it but she does threaten. She pinches, she tells me it's a culture thing and all her friends do the same so they can all use that on each others kids. Sometimes she forgets when out of her circle of friends who do agree with/to that though and she's been known to get looks from other people.

sparklysilversequins that is YOUR opinion. Your claim of; You do realise that he just thinks you hit and hurt him for running don't you? is making a presumption of what MY child is thinking - rather big headed of you isn't it, making out that YOUR opinion is right and everyone else is wrong?
Also, Oh and those of you who think its ok to hit your kids, every time you do, you increase their fear of you and decrease your bond with them. No one likes or trusts people who hurt them, parent or not. The person they love the most has hurt them. And whether they are old enough to understand why you did it or not and at 22 months they are NOT, they will still feel angry and helpless and that is not how kids should feel if you want them to develop healthily mentally. is a very general assumption that everyone slapped/hit/tapped/smacked as a child will grown up with mental health problems. That must mean there are millions of people walking the streets that are a few screws loose when it comes to mental health capacity/functions.
I was slapped as a child. I do not feel angry and helpess - never did do and I do not have mental health problems.
We all have different parenting styles and it's okay to have an opinion but not okay to make presumptions that those who have been physically disciplined are walking around with mental health problems!!!!!

Well it's not just MY opinion. I am in the third year of a degree in child psychology and development and there's plenty who also hold that "opinion".

But if its more important to you to hurt your child because YOU are angry and frightened then I guess you'll just keep going and nothing I can say here will make a difference.

And by the way, a tap/slap/smack are all synomyms of the same sort just as cold/freezing/bitter are used to describe the feeling of being cold but with different degrees of intensity. A tap is far less intense than a slap or a smack.

This is quite a good summary with less technical jargon than many other articles I found overview

So you are one of those who uses your degree as a argumentative tool and thinks that a few years study makes you (and the rest of them) believe how the world works, thinks and behaves?
I use my life skills to make my judgements. Not a research paper.

So why do it then? What's the point of a "tap"? Why not a stroke or gentle squeeze of the hand with no pain involved? You say that you gave your less than two year old child "more than a tap" because he ran out in the road. Why haven't you answered when I asked you your reasoning behind doing it?

No not at all. But you said it was just my opinion and it isn't.

Your life skills tell you to hurt your child when there are far more effective ways of dealing with the incident you describe? You seem angry at what I have said and clearly have no interest in learning alternative methods. I cannot begin to comprehend someone who hits their child hard after they've just nearly had a serious accident.

As a psychology STUDENT you are probably well rehearsed in the tool of emotive language and how what you can say, how you type it can try to make someone change their mind, opinion and make them angry, upset or whatever emotion it is that you want to evoke.
One thing you are absolutely right about is what you said; nothing you will say will make me change my mind. I will continue to 'tap' my child's hand when I see fit for misdemeanours that require immediate action.

I was smacked as a child, as were my three younger siblings.

I don't fear my parents (didn't as a child, either) and have an extremely strong bond with my parents now. I like and trust my parents. I had every faith in them as a child and knew they loved me unconditionally. I wasn't beaten or abused. I know people who were and who had very bad family dynamics - funnily enough THEY were the ones who grew up to be drug-addicts/alcoholics/etc. Me and my siblings? All doing well, thanks, three of us with dc of our own, all happy and healthy.

While I appreciate what you're saying Sparkly I think it's a bit rude of you to tell other people how their relationships with their parents are now based on what you've been studying.

Apologies. I missed the comment regarding you asking my reasoning behind doing it. Do you want my reasons for research purposes or as an intrigued mother?

And I will continue to think that you must not be very bright and wish to remain closed off to methods of dealing with your child that do not involve inflicting pain on him.

Genuine question, anecdotes aside, is there any research that suggests children who were 'tapped' or hit in a controlled manner have been adversely affected?

I'd be really interested to read it. I got smacked as a kid, very rarely because I was good in the most part, it's not scarred me for life.

Would your relationship with your DH/DP be affected if he used physical pain to keep you in line or if you did something dangerous because you didn't have the education or experience not to do it? Is that ok? If not, why not?

Yet you expect your child's relationship with you to remain unaffected when you hurt him and he doesn't understand why?

You may think that it doesn't make any difference but it does, even if only by what you perceive as tiny, inconsequential increments.

I don't want to hurt little children and I don't understand anyone who does.

Please, I am intrigued as to the definition of bright. As a bright person (you obviously deem yourself to be to imply that I am not) you should be able to enlighten me on this rather intriguing word?
Just to add, I also use other 'disciplinary' methods other than 'tapping'. But you must think I am some sort of monster from a horror movie that is every child's worst nightmare with mental health problems because I, like many others, were smacked/tapped/slapped, however you like to call it, as children and that my child too is going to grow up with mental health problems also.
I will read your reply tomorrow. I'm off to bed. Enjoy your cuppa

This word 'tapped' is ridiculous. People use it because they don't want to say 'hit' as they think that sounds bad, which is so hypocritical. 'I don't hit my child, I just tap them'.

Hitting is hitting - if you're going to do it then at least have the guts to stand up and say what it is that you do. If you feel wrong about saying that you hit your child then think about why that makes you uncomfortable.

Secondly, if anyone assaulted my child I would call the police. I personally know of a case where charges have been pressed because an adult hit someone else's child on the bum (one hit). It can be done and should be done. Nobody gets to use physical violence against my children just because they are bigger than them.

Or they use it to mean what it is. Chilly and freezing are both words on the cold spectrum, but mean rather different things. Tapped and Walloped both imply contact, but with rather different degrees of force involved.

This is not an argument for or against smacking, but it is absurd to say using the word tapped is ridiculous.

Don't be ridiculous. Now who's being emotive?

Glad to hear you use other methods, are they effective? If so why not just use them?

You are not responding to any of the questions I ask, just defending your position and your wish to hurt your child when he does something "wrong", so it's all a bit pointless isn't it?

No coffee for me thanks, will keep me up all night .

I'm not defending anything as I've got my arse parked on the fence, but tapped is different!