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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel annoyed about him changing our moving in together date again

105 replies

yayforspring · 31/10/2013 20:39

Hi all, have been with my OH for over 2 years now. We had a huge row over him being uncertain about me in June and got back together as he said he'd realised he loved me and wanted to live with me. We chose his house together as our future home and he was talking about me moving in with him in Autumn. I have mentioned a few times since and been met with "when the time is right". It's now nearly Nov and I'm wondering what the heck is going on. Getting fed up of my tiny room in a houseshare where I have been waiting for him. I went to see a flat today with just one other person as a possibility because I'm unhappy in current place. When I mention this to him he's really happy and encouraging me and saying he was thinking maybe realistically we would live together next summer. I just feel he is a total commitment phobe. I got really angry and said we needed a break. He said if I can't wait for him until summer then I don't really love him. I feel like I've waited ages already and he keeps changing his mind :-( hate it all being on his terms. What do you think?

OP posts:
Backinthering · 31/10/2013 20:41

Honestly? I couldn't be doing with that. He's syringing you along.

Tee2072 · 31/10/2013 20:41

He's emotionally blackmailing you.

Leave him.

Backinthering · 31/10/2013 20:41

Stringing I mean! Stupid phone.

CoffeeTea103 · 31/10/2013 20:42

He is definitely being unfair on you. Having the best of both worlds. You shouldn't have to force someone to live who you.

Original poster
yayforspring · 31/10/2013 20:43

Ps I'm 30 he is 40. Hence my desperation and his commitment phobia...!!

OP posts:
RandomMess · 31/10/2013 20:44

Hmmmmmmmmmm have you actually talked about what you both want for the future, marriage, kids etc.?

JoinYourPlayfuckers · 31/10/2013 20:45

Just dump him.

He's not that into you.

Doinmummy · 31/10/2013 20:46

Has he been married/ lived with someone before? If he hasn't then I don't reckon he ever will.

LindyHemming · 31/10/2013 20:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SomewhereBeyondTheSea · 31/10/2013 20:47

Seriously, after 2 years at your ages (I am similar age to you btw! Not being ageist) I would say get on with it or give up. He is clearly equivocating. Get your own flat (if you can afford it), make your own plans, try being less available for a while ('tomorrow? Oh sorry I made plans already. How about next week?') and let it tick over.
Either he will bounce back to you or it will fizzle out. Either way his behaviour will give you guidance on whether he's the real deal or not.

Mabelface · 31/10/2013 20:48

Exactly what Euphemia said, and the others.

Pipparivers · 31/10/2013 20:50

It's not commitment phobia. He just isn't that into you. Move on, he definitely will when he meets someone he is into.

ovenbun · 31/10/2013 20:52

It sounds harsh but this really sounds like a case of 'he's just not that into you', when you meet the right man for you he will be as keen as you are to commit. Don't waste your time on someone who doesn't feel the same way. You deserve Better! Better to be with the right bloke when you're 35 or 38 than end up stuck with the wrong one just because you can hear the clock ticking x x x

OHforDUCKScake · 31/10/2013 20:52

How old are you both?

If you are both 20 then Id say dont worry keep going, have fun, he'll get there.

If you are both 34 then run like the wind.

OHforDUCKScake · 31/10/2013 20:53

Oh I missed that.

Fucking HELL thats worse

RUN LIKE THE WIND!

Awful! 40?! Whats wrong with him?

enriquetheringbearinglizard · 31/10/2013 20:53

He said if I can't wait for him until summer then I don't really love him

By the same token, he has a house ready to share but wants you to move from where you're unhappy to somewhere else, with someone else and wait until next Summer to move in with him.

If it comes down to playground type reasoning, I know who'd I'd say is not so keen.
Sorry if that sounds a bit brutal, but it's not really up for any argument put like that is it.

MrsGeorgeMichael · 31/10/2013 20:54

agree with run like the wind Sad

hippo123 · 31/10/2013 20:55

If he was 20 I might give him some slack, at 40 not a chance. Cut your losses and move on. Sorry.

BeScarefulWhatYouWitchFor · 31/10/2013 20:57

She's 30, he's 40 Duck

OP don't waste another minute of your life with this man. If he really wanted to you to move in he'd have done it by now. Actions speak louder than words.

OHforDUCKScake · 31/10/2013 20:57

FWIW I met a 29 year old man when I was 17, after 14 years and 2 children he still couldnt marry nor live with me.

Some men, for whatever fucking reason, cant man the hell up and do it.

We aremt together now, he will now do one of two things. He'll never settle down and die single. Or he will meet someone, fall head over heels in love, marry her after a month and live with her for the rest of the life.

I, mean while, whilst I adore and dont regret our awesome children for a second, wonder if I will ever have a proper relationship because I dont know how. Ive never had a Proper Relationship thanks to 14 years waiting for a man I loved and was strung along by.

BeScarefulWhatYouWitchFor · 31/10/2013 20:58

x post Duck

ChippingInNeedsANYFUCKER · 31/10/2013 21:00

I think you would be incredibly stupid to waste another day of your life with this guy.

livinginwonderland · 31/10/2013 21:01

He's just not that into you.
Sorry OP :(

MisguidedHamwidge · 31/10/2013 21:03

Run like the wind.

HissyFucker · 31/10/2013 21:16

Get out now, if marriage/kids is in any way an option you'd like to have in your life.

Go, go, go, go! Now!