To think having a baby doesn't have to be expensive

[annabanana84]

I have just had my coil out as I thought dp and I would like to start ttc. As soon as I got home from having it out, dp started saying we should use condoms until this time next year as babies are very expensive and we don't have money for one. We both work and have a nice lifestyle but do have to watch the pennies. I am 30 and really, really x1000000 broody. I am pissed off at dp, because although babies do cost some money, we will have 9 months to buy all the baby things, even longer if we struggle to Conceive straight away. We will be getting most of the baby things second hand or off freecycle anyway to keep it cheap as possible. I hate the way dp let me get excited and now wants wait - a year! I don't want to get old and not have children :o( I think babies need love more than money and material things anyway!

Also god sake its not one or other we have had 3 foriegn holidays in 18 months etc but just the actual choldren part imo is cheap they can do the lot for cheap with such a wealth of cheap stuff and classes about etc.

Babies on theory may not be but children are as they get older

Are you planning to return to work, child care v expensive! Or sahm...loss of earnings.

DS was super cheap as a baby. We lived in a little flat (no storage space, no garden). We earned very little and got about 70% of our childcare paid as I worked part time. Most baby stuff was given to us by friends/family, I breastfed for a year, bought nappies second hand, fed DS bits of our food.

Now he's 3, he's more expensive. We earn more now, over £26k combined so no tax credits. We moved to a house with a garden so rent is higher. DS does a football class which costs £20 a month. He gets his free 15 hours term time nursery now but we pay a fortune for wraparound hours, there's school uniform, he needs shoes, spare shoes, wellies, proper winter coats, and we have to contribute fruit every day. Plus a packed lunch and £11 a week for a cooked dinner.

Car seat - that was almost £200. Zoo membership, occasional trips to soft play as well as bus fares to get to the park. Yes, we could do nothing that costs anything but in reality few people would choose to do that.

It's only going to get more expensive.

There is not a wealth of free stuff to do everywhere. I think you are a bit blinkered to the reality that it's all about where you live olive

When all said and done, I'd go for it! I have 4...they are ace!!

I think olive is a bit of a troll too. Many children are picky eaters and they aren't spoilt in many other ways. I know my 2yo likes things in a very very particular way. She doesn't get offered alternatives and she doesn't get puddings. (DH and I doesn't do puddings). She has to have what we have, though she could have as much milk as she wants. She also gets no snack between the 3 main meals. Does it mean she will eat her meals? No. There are many weekends she goes without any food after breakfast. It'd be weetabix, toast and then milk the rest of the day. Just because you withdraw food doesn't mean they'll just eat what you give.

I know she'll grew out of it because my mum said I ate only liver and pasta in my preschool years. I remember I don't particularly like food, and in my tween years, I can only stomach down the food with a glass of grapefruit juice. I think it's only when I'm a teen that I will eat anything put in front of me. I'm a very adventurous eater.

YY to children being expensive. At DDs primary school, there are no free clubs at all, the uniformed polo shirts and sweaters are £10+ each, "voluntary" contributions since September have been £18.00 so far with another £22.50 due after we go back for a school trip.

I's not a prestigious private school, its just our catchment state primary school.

The cost of the child/children is unimportant as long as you and your partner are equally committed to making family life work for all of you and if that means you not getting your hair cut for a year,and your partner not spending money on non-essentials either then it will be fine.

If he's not totally into the idea then don't do it. I was unprepared by how DH expected me/us to source every last damn item of baby and child kit second hand, but didn't hesitate to spend money on himself. To be fair, it was more an "anti waste" issue for him rather than money per se but it was still a shock.

I drew the line at cloth nappies the second time round given how cheap he was at washing then with dc1!

wordfactory, I remember my elder sister and me being furious with our parents for having the sixth child!

My father had a reasonable job, and my mother believed strongly that a woman's place was in the home, but took that homemaking very seriously, so it was an important and complementary job in it's own right. The cost of living was low, where I lived as a child.

If they'd stuck at 2, or even up to 4, I think we would have all been very comfortable - not in any way rich, but comfortable. Also, there would not have been such pressures on their time, so each child would have felt they had time with their parents, rather than being part of a group, always.

I know this thread is about the cost of children, not of big families, per se, but I do think people should consider not how much it costs to have a baby, but how much they will cost as they grow, and how much of yourself you have to give each individual.

I think I must live in a different world to most of the people on this thread.

OP talk to your OH find out why he really isn't ready to TTC. If it really is about money then it's probably more likely that he's not ready to forfeit your current lifestyle because that's the cost really.
Instead of having a night out you buy nappies. You'll still go out sometimes and will enjoy the rare treat. Invite friends round for dinner/ drinks instead. Child benefit should easily cover any additional food. When the children don't want to eat the meal you make it goes in the fridge for tomorrows lunch and they go to bed hungry. If they want designer crap they buy it themselves with birthday money or paper round wages. Instead of holidays abroad you go camping. Childcare shouldn't cost more than you earn and is subsidised by tax credits. Friends and family might help if they're nearby but obviously don't rely on this. One of you could work during the week the other could work a mix of day shifts, evenings and weekends. You don't need to own your own home but will need at least a spare room. You don't need an estate car or even a 5-door but you will need more seats than a 4/5 seater.
Babies / Children don't need expensive clubs and hobbies there is plenty to do for free.
Save a bit aside for maternity leave before and whilst TTC. Consider moving if your rent/mortgage is too high. Look up ways to keep general cost of living down and don't get hung up on all the superficial crap fur-lined winter boots
Somebody else said talk to your DP about what kind of parents you want to be. Good idea

oops you don't* need more than a 4/5 seater!

ThoRAVENomiki

1. I hate camping. It's my idea of hell. I've been once in my teens and never again. I'd rather stay at home and watch tv.
2. tax credits? what tax credit? Many many families get zilch.
3. Shifts? Evenings and weekends? Sorry strictly office hours + overtime.
4. Really Need more seats than a 4/5 seater? We are still driving our old Honda Jazz. I think that's call a supermini. It does have 4 seats though.

You live in a very different world from me.

Ah makes more sense that it's not more than 4/5 seater! I was thinking how you can be talking about saving money and then on a big big car!

I don't want to work a mix of 'day shifts, evenings and weekends', after a full day's childcare - I'd be doing 24/7 work with no room for sleep or indeed having a life.

Please find me a range of enjoyable activities that a 10 and 12 year old can do for free in SE London. And 'free' means without paying for kit/instrument hire/etc.

I am all too well aware that 'instead of a night out you buy nappies'. It was not, at the time, a madly appealing swap.

Tax credits?

You do relaise that being on benefits isn't a default setting?

olive you don't sound suited to working with children. it is pretty common for toddlers to reject food.

where I live childcare for under 2s costs £1400 a month. I doubt many couples are entitled to tax credits. it wasn't worth me going back to work full time. I am luck that my mother looks after my sin one day a week and I work on that day.

saying that we manage to rent a two bed flat in a lovely part of London on one fairly average wage and still have a fairly nice quality of life. we have just become much better at budgeting and don't critter away money like we did pre dc.

Childcare proabt shouldn't cost more than you earn. But it often does. And not everyone qualifies for bloody tax credits!

You can have a child very very cheaply in terms of finances, but at what cost to quality of life? I could get a job working only evenings and weekends and not need childcare. But then I would never see my husband, we would never have any family time together. That is the reality for quite a lot of people, but how many would actually choose to do it this way if money wasn't an issue?

"Child benefit should easily cover any additional food"

For a 2 year old maybe, or even a 5 year old. But a 13 year old?!?

You have to be on a pretty low wage to get tax credits, and even then it is only up to 70%. If say a couple earn £16k each, and childcare costs £12k a year, they aren't going to get anything subsidised towards that.

Slightly of subject but I have 3DS's. DS1 was a brilliant eater and I smugly thought parents created fussy eater. Then along came DS2 who simply would not eat, then I changed my thinking. DS3 was a really good eater and I was the same with all 3 children. DS2 is now 15 and doesn't stop eating!

Im not a troll at all. I do believe picky eaters come from parents behaviours.

hettienne - We are on about that and only pay 160 towards our childcare and thats for 2 children in full time 5 day a week care?

not necessarily olive - some children are just like that.
nursery fees do depend a lot on whether you live in the Outer Hebrides or Central London.

I got so incensed by this thread and the assertions that children are really no cost at all that I looked up the research and the CPAG estimates that if you include childcare costs - which most of us do have to pay, dammit - kids cost us a whopping http://www.cpag.org.uk/content/family-living-standards-fall-minimum-cost-raise-child-4-last-year £160 a week, averaged out over each week for 18 years.

soddit

hardboiledpossum - At my nursery vast majority of children eat whats put in front of them be that couscous to roasts to whatever else as they have always had that wide range of food served to them through going to nursery. You do have children from sahms the same but some come in will only eat sausage rolls or crisps for all three meals including breakfast etc it is the parents. Its not something that would happen in other cultures.