To think having a baby doesn't have to be expensive

[annabanana84]

I have just had my coil out as I thought dp and I would like to start ttc. As soon as I got home from having it out, dp started saying we should use condoms until this time next year as babies are very expensive and we don't have money for one. We both work and have a nice lifestyle but do have to watch the pennies. I am 30 and really, really x1000000 broody. I am pissed off at dp, because although babies do cost some money, we will have 9 months to buy all the baby things, even longer if we struggle to Conceive straight away. We will be getting most of the baby things second hand or off freecycle anyway to keep it cheap as possible. I hate the way dp let me get excited and now wants wait - a year! I don't want to get old and not have children :o( I think babies need love more than money and material things anyway!

Nobody is saying that the perfect scenario exists or that to be a great parent you need a high disposable income. My DM did a great job in very trying circumstances and as I have said, a great cost to herself. (Luckily I am the beneficiary of it)

What they are saying is that the cost of bringing up a child is significant, it is growing and your circumstances could change at any point - money needs to be taken into account. AND if one partner is expressing concerns about your finances, then their views should be considered.

Babies are expensive. Children are more expensive. Young adults - sheesh - don't even ask.

I don't think your argument works. I think you have to say 'If not now, when?' Because that is the point. It never really becomes affordable. It just becomes undeniable.

It wouldnt matter if it did retropear I have enough yo cope on one income. I just enjoy working, so it doesnt matter to me as my costs are low. Anyway agree with all other posters I wouldnt wait at 30. However I have a feeling your partner is fobbing you off and it hasnt got anything to do with money.

Olive - it is easy for you because for whatever reasons you have a mortgage of 300 quid. That is not realistic for anyone getting on the property ladder now.

This thread reminds me of relatives pressuring us to buy before the crash. They really seemed to believe that if we would only forego small luxuries like ipods and weekends away, it would make it easy for us to take out a vast mortgage.

You can save lots on small luxuries but if income - (childcare + rent) does not leave you enough to get by you are facing misery.

The trick is ro find some way to increase income or reduce the cost of childcare + rent

Whereabouts do you live op? What sort of rent are you paying? Are you happy to move? Live in a small property? Have you got got cheap tastes in where you go and your interests? Go on moneysavingexpert I couldnt even say how many 1000s that site gas saved me.

Now is also a good time in many areas to get a real bargain at house auctions in many areas, but you must be prepared to live in a dump. We lived with no water for 4 months when dc2 was just born and it is hard but it has been worth it in the end.

Making a dump habitable costs a fortune. There are often very big unexpected costs and mould is a health hazard.

If you and your baby are healthy you can probably survive with no heating and running water, but few would choose that.

I had heating of course.

Writerwannabe - first, congratulations!

Secondly, you said you have a comfortable life and a few hundred spare each month for the luxuries. It's clear that you have some slack in the system, financially, to take the strain when baby comes.

I'd also assume that your DH is of the same mind as you, and when things get cut back then he'll be just as certain that the sacrifices are worth it.

But it's deeply unfair on everyone to plan a baby without also planning the finances associated with it, and making sure both parents are in agreement.

Thanks Cinnabar - we are very excited

I definitely agree that finances need to be discussed though. A woman I used to work with is in a bit of a financial nightmare at the moment which has been gradually getting worse over the last few years. She and her husband have a 6 year old boy and they have all recently moved back into the husbands parent's house in order to try and save themselves some money. They haven't sold their own house but have kept it and rented it out to a couple they both know. The rent the couple pay just about covers the mortgage but I don't think it aids my friend financially in any other way. My friend's husband has a relatively well paid job (I'd guess about £25'000 salary before tax) but is currently choosing to work about 65 hours a week in order to earn some overtime to allow them to pay off some of their debts. The woman works full time but only comes home with about £900 a month. It is my understanding they are living with his husband's parents rent-free.

So, it is all looking a little bit bleak so you can imagine my surprise when 3 weeks ago she told me that her and her husband have started trying for a 2nd baby

That's just an example of when I think a couple aren't in a reliable enough financial position to be thinking of having a baby...

Olive

We had water, but no heating.
You make do though and get by. My older dc who lived without the heating are rarely ill, but as soon as we moved and had central heating we all began to come down with illness.